Expat Advice: Relationships in Meerbusch, Germany

What is the name of the city or town that you are reporting on?

Meerbusch

What is your current status? Are you single, dating, in a long-term relationship, married or divorced?

Married (to a German national). Children are raised and living in the U.S. (Houston) and Canada (B.C.)

If you have children, what advice would you give to others making a similar transition to your country of residence?

If you do not have children, do you generally spend your social time with other expat couples? If not, what else do you like to do as a couple?

Our time is spent approximately 50% with German couples; 50% with other international couples (one spouse is usually American or other English-speaking and the other a German or other European)

If you are married or in a relationship with a person of another nationality, how has this experience enriched you as a person. What kind of challenges do you face?

A lot - more open to and understanding of others' differences. Humbled (particularly as an American). Cultural misunderstandings, loss of career/independence, learning a new language.

What would be the best advice you could give someone with your relationship status that lives in your country of residence? Any other thoughts?

Be patient. "Try" to not let all the changes/challenges frustrate you. Think of what you have gained not what you have lost or left behind. Be positive not negative. Don't beat yourself up (be too hard on yourself) about learning the host country language (and don't try to do it when you first arrive as there are then too many other things to learn, too many distractions). But do keep trying and every day do experience the local history and culture and all that is different and good (not just sticking with others just like you, e.g. Americans married to Americans, international school parents, eating American foods, going to American restaurants, etc.)

Join a support group such as an American or international group, e.g. American Women's Club (see http://www.fawco.org for those in your area) but ALSO try to make/have at least one real friend from the host country. You can help each other in so many ways. As a trailing spouse, if you had (and still want) a career, keep trying to continue it while living abroad.

Enjoy your life overseas. It will enrich your life. It is a wonderful opportunity. Look for the positives not the negatives. And, remember in the things you say and do in your host country, you leave an impression of your country... so be a good ambassador. Be kind to your host country and its citizens, i.e. do not German bash. Try to understand their differences. And, last - never, ever give up.