Expat Advice: Relationships in Khemisset, Morocco

What is the name of the city or town that you are reporting on?

Khemisset

What is your current status? Are you single, dating, in a long-term relationship, married or divorced?

Married.

What is it like in your country of residence for someone with your relationship status (married/divorced/dating)? If you're single, how do you meet other people? Do English-speaking people tend to gravitate to certain parts of your city?

My experience has been overall good, but I think it is because I decided if I am going to live in Morocco with my Moroccan husband, then I need to go with the flow, learn customs, the respect the culture and leave American ways of doing things back in America. Example: My husband was okay with me not wearing hijab, in fact he tried to talk me out of it. But, all the women in his family wear hijab. I decided to do the same, and I've always dressed fairly conservatively in the States anyway. Wow! What a difference. By doing so it speeded the acceptance into the family, and I felt so much more comfortable on the street. the family were loving and wonderful with me from the start but my acceptance of their custom "truly made me a daughter of the house" and they beamed with pride when we went on family outings because it was evidence of my respect for them. With hijab, and dark glasses I became nearly invisible and the tension felt before was reduced immensely. Actually, it worked the opposite of what one might expect. It made me feel more "assimilated" and free, much more than before when my head was uncovered. And, a plus was no more worrying about what my hair looked like, or if it was presentable due to the heat or wind...etc. I guess my experience may be unique to myself. However, if other American women, or European women living in Morocco wish to make comments, I'd love to hear your perspective or experience.

If you have children, what advice would you give to others making a similar transition to your country of residence?

No children.

If you do not have children, do you generally spend your social time with other expat couples? If not, what else do you like to do as a couple?

We spend our time as a couple visiting friends and family in our home, in their homes, sometimes meeting to have coffee out with friends, but all the friends have been Moroccan, not Expats. I still don't speak the languages, Darija, Arabic, or Tamazight, and most our friends speak English to varying degrees. We traveled to the sea, went shopping often to the markets, and I've learned to see daily social life from inside Moroccan culture.

If you are married or in a relationship with a person of another nationality, how has this experience enriched you as a person. What kind of challenges do you face?

My husband has an open and inquisitive mind, and truly enjoys learning differences in our culltures, and so do I so this has enriched both of our lives. Learning new things helps a person grow, and makes life more interesting, and I see this with both of us. It makes a relationship less likely to become stale too, and gives a special spark to daily life that can't be beat. I think the biggest challenge was adapting to a system where a woman need always be cognizant that her conduct is being examined from a perspective of how her actions respect or don't respect her family and husband. In America thats present to a degree, but nothing like Moroccan society. The individualism that American society takes for granted is quite different than the relationship based social mores of Moroccan society. I have also lived in American Indian tribal communities so it was easier for me to understand a relationship based society than it might be for most Americans with mainstream American cultural understanding only.

If you are a single parent, what advice would you give to others considering moving abroad?

N/A

What would be the best advice you could give someone with your relationship status that lives in your country of residence? Any other thoughts?

Try to approach your new life with an open mind, observe, and try to adapt the best you can to the culture of your new place of residence. Listen, and observe, and respect and you should be fine. Don't go there to live if you have the attitude that you can just continue living exactly the same way you did back home or you will be miserable. Read all you can about the culture. there are good things and bad things and its all about how well you can adapt. After all, if someone from Morocco moved to your hometown in the USA, or other westernized country and refused to adapt to the culture and lifeways of the USA, everyone would see them as being very strange and wonder why they wanted to come to the USA to live if they wanted to keep their home culture wrapped tightly around them. Its no different for you, if you intend to live in Morocco then try your best to assimilate as much as you can considering your new family's social status, education, customs, etc. Share your old customs and lifeways with others there but do it in a respectful way, not trying to force them to change. Realize you must change and adapt to live there happily.