Hi Angus,

I understand your situation - and you have my sympathies! I'm an aussie, my husband is French and we are currently living in France but about to relocate back down under in a few months. First and foremost, things just aren't working out for us in France, but I'm afraid that the number two reason for moving has become the in-laws. Not only are they unsympathetic, they have become downright aggressive!

We had plans of keeping in touch over the msn chat network, with webcams and sending regular pictures and updates to all the family here in France. Instead, my hubby and I have cut off all contact with the IL's themselves as they are just unbearable (not just for their reaction, they have other problems as well). Obviously, this is an extreme case and need not happen in your situation.

I found a particular website very helpful in just being able to vent, or in knowing that I'm not alone in having problem IL's - checkout www.babycenter.com and the bulletin boards there. here's the link
http://bbs.babycenter.com/board/baby/babyfamily/6687

Something weird happens to some people when they become grandparents...
Anyway, good luck ... and if you need to vent - feel free! I'll listen.
lol.
Kanga :)

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Hi there

We are currently experiencing the same problems. We are also feeling challenged but confident about moving to Oz,(I like that saying), both my partner and I are from the UK so we are leaving all of the grandparents behind. We have two great grans and one great grandad, grandad is fantastic....great granny's forget it....they are both mortified and can't believe we want to move to Oz to better our lives...I mean why on earth would we want to do that!!!

My mum will miss us and the children but is happy for us, my dad won't even say the word 'Oz' and my mother-in-law, well thats a different story. You see I'm taking her son and grandchildren away from her..blah blah blah!

Anyway, I am looking forwards and can't wait cause its all about me, my husband, our 5 year old and 12 week old and all of our new adventures.

The way I see it is that the grandparents are mad through sadness and when they hear and see how happy you are they will gradually come to terms with it, if they don't then they lose out. So enjoy what is ahead and good luck with your new life.

Take care and be happy. :o)
Soniac

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Hi angusdad,
we live away from one set of grandparents, and I'd say invest in computers and webcams and familiarise your family with them if they are not already and arrange frequent holidays if possible. My girls are very close to their grandparents in Ireland even with the distance and without seeing them all that often. The only problem is that they get over spoiled when they see them!!
I hope your parents can be understanding and that they will make the best of it.

Maman kangourou,
we live in France too, and have suffered the same problem with my parents even thought we were only moving from La Rochelle to the south of France?!! Now we are trying to get a visa to go to Australia, life in France is just too hard!! I'm french and my partner is irish, so there was always going to be some distance with one side of the family.

Good luck with the move

Priscilia

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Hi SoniaC,
I'm the villain in the piece, same as you! The cheek of me, stealing away their son and grandson!!! lol.
we've had exactly the same reaction from the IL's... why on earth would we want a better life for ourselves or our baby? I think the main problem is that this is the first grandchild for them and they are seeing their fantasy go down the toilet. They are pre-grieving for all the milestones they'll miss and all that, which is quite understandable.
What isn't understandable is how they've tried to punish us for these "crimes", real or imagined, before we go... and tried to turn the whole family against us, not to mention their little hate campaign directed at me. It really has been seriously unpleasant stuff.
Anyway, sorry, didn't mean to turn this into a vent!
I too am hoping that they'll get over themselves. It's sad that it's ended up this way, but we really don't need them in our lives if they're going to turn toxic on us.

Priscilla... there's something about the French family dynamic I think we foreigners will never understand!!! you have my sympathy!!! lol

Kanga :)

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Hi, had lunch at the IL's on Sunday....ugh....ugh....ugh. Great gran didn't sprak to me for the whole afternoon...oh well.

When it was time to leave I just said goodbye and see you soon and the snarl and the pearly white teeth said it all...ha ha!

You gotta laugh, at least she won't come visit.

Take care
Soniac xx :o)

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SoniaC and AngusDad, where in oz are you guys moving to?
I'm a Sydney girl, born and bred. It really is a beautiful city even if it's residents now take themselves a bit seriously since the olympics.
I'm looking forward to being home again soon (two summers in a row! yahoo!!! lol)

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Evening

We are focusing on Brisbane. Are you going home for good or just too see the family?

:o) Sonia

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We're going home for good. I have mixed feelings about repatriating, I have to admit. it's been an interesting adventure, but it will be good to be home I think. It's funny, my husband (who is French) misses oz more than I do!

We have friends who moved to Brisbane and they are loving it. They say it's so much more affordable than Sydney and just calmer in general.

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Hi guys,

I could help but read all your issues with moving with children. I am a mover, so am a little experienced with some of your issues. I refer people to a fantastic American website that assists with children & moving http://www.moversdirectory.com/moving_with_kids.html.

We currently have people in all countries that can assist you with questions & sympathetic to family concerns. Please feel free to view our website should you require our moving services www.vanlines.com.au.

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Hi - we are not sure where we will end up. I am a teacher and am at the mercy of the Dept of Ed. It will be somewhere in NSW. My wife's mum lives in Wolliongong and her dad is in Canberra. We are focusing on Wagga at the moment, but who knows?
When are you going to be moving? We are planning on going over in 2008 (my wife would go tomorrow if there wasn't all the red tape to go through first)

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oh man... you should have no trouble getting a visa to work, Angus! they're crying out for all kinds of professions and teachers are definitely on the list!
We're heading back to oz in November so we'll be back just in time for the silly season (you know the drill; summer, Christmas, 10 million excuses to catch up with people and drink...lol).
I really like southern NSW - there are so many beauties and because it's too far from Queensland you don't have to put up with tourists! lol
Are your parents coming to terms with your decision at all? I understand how your wife feels... if we could be on a plane tomorrow we would, but there's sooooooo many details and things to take care of first.
Kanga :)

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Even though I am single, I am already getting comments from my mother about moving to Oz. I am moving in February for my Postgraduate studies, and am fully intending on apply to stay for my PhD studies, to which my mother is horrified as it means that I'll end up in oz for 5 years, and will probably get married, etc, etc.

However, my grandfather gave me some great advice, he said: "I don't think you're ever going to return except for visits, which is fine." (i explain the mother situation). He says: "It's simple, once you get married and have a family, its all about them, it's nice to be close to the relatives, but it really doesn't matter, all that matters is you and your family, it's your life."

That sank in pretty hard, and you can bet I'll be remembering that advice down the road.

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Patrick, that was such good advice from your grandfather. I moved back to Australia after 12 years abroad (8 of them in the US) and while my family are here and its nice to be closer to them, we were really just as happy (if not happier) abroad - in fact my relationship with key members of my family was better when I lived away.

Now we are having our first baby, I realize more than ever that we need to be where we want to be and do what makes us the happiest - it's our life now, not our mothers'. And my mother has already said, if I move back to the US, then she's coming for regular visits - that's just fine with me and I think she wants the best for us regardless of where it may be.

Lou

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Hi there AngusDad,

I think every international family with kids (and even without) faces this same situation. Ultimately you'll be living far away from one or both sets of grandparents no matter what you do.

We're also an Aussie-US couple, and we had our first child last July. I definitely agree with the advice to invest in technology. We got ourselves a good digital camera and take lots of pics, then upload them and send them out to all the family. They really love it. My parents recently told me it makes them feel like they are watching him grow up. :-) We also make plans to visit eachother -- either my parents come here or we go there -- every year or two years. I realise that might not be possible for everyone, though.

Don't forget phone calls. There are tons of cheap-o calling cards out there so that this is no longer a barrier. I ring my family once a week and they enjoy hearing our son goo and gaa and pretty soon they'll be talking to him too... :-)

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your in-laws? That will help heaps, trust me. I find that the whole "grandparent thing" isn't as bad in my mind because my in-laws are around, and they're great. :-)

Understandable that your US family is having difficulty with the idea...my family was like that too, but things are better now that they realise how easy it is to stay in touch.

Take care,

VickyM

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Patrick, your grandpa was spot-on with his advice. I remember watching an episode of Dr Phil where two guests (married) were arguing over whether they should live close to his family in one city or close to hers in another city. And he told them, look, you guys ARE a family, and you should make a decision based upon whether it would be best for you ASIDE from the relatives. It's nice to live near them if you can, but that shouldn't be your only consideration. I think he's absolutely right.

Incidentally, we live away from both sets of relatives (although my husband's family is in another capital city, whereas mine is overseas). It's what's best for us now.

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