Dear Ursula,

I received a contract in Vienna, therefore we are preparing for a move next summer. I have 2 kids, 9daughter+13son, and I am very worried about my 13th.. We did not share yet with them the plan, we try to find the right timing.. not too early but also leave them enaugh time to learn german and preapare..This is a long term investment, which will hurt at the beginning, but later should pay off..
If u have any tips and hints already how can/should we do in preparation with our kids. and from the moment we share this with them, I would be very greatfull. I see this as a very big challenge and I feel an awfull big responsibility already on the ground 0.
I will travel quite often to Vienna from the next coming months or so, so we will also be able to meet in person.
Looking forward for any advice..
Many thanks in advance,
Judith

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Dear Judith,
I think the truth is always best, kids tend to feel something is happening anyway deep inside and may feel confused when everybody acts as if there was nothing special in the air.
If I was you, I would invite your family to a family conference, and ask them to listen to your plans as soon as possible. Tell them there is a good part in these plans and a sad one. Tell them at first they should stay open to what you say, only listen without interfering and will get as long as they want to argue against, ask questions and so on once you have finished. Tell them they will be involved in the preparations, if it’s true. Give them the room and chance to say everything they want, to cry, even if you have contra arguments. Don’t try to convince them at this point. There must be room for all feelings, disappointments, if these are suppressed they will either come out later as an explosion or go inwards as a depression. Don’t tell them they will be fine. It is sad, that’s reality. All our life we have new beginnings and farewells. Let them make a list of Pros and Contras, add your own pros and contras. As regards the contras ask them if they have an idea how to make them more bearable or even enjoyable. They will have to grow into the idea of moving to a new place.
For example they can imagine that they are expanding their circle of life to 2 countries, that they can integrate their old friends in the new country and involve them and vice versa. They can find different ways to unite the 2 worlds, to invite friends, make visits to them. Stay connected via Facebook (I am not a particular facebook fan but for these things I think it great, if they keep their page private and only for real friends), participate in the parties via Webcam, view the pictures of the party, hear the latest news. Phone via skype and webcam. As long as they meet the new world and new friends with open eyes and open heart, give them a chance. I think it dangerous to remain only in the virtual world but it will probably be okay for a transition period. The old world will fade a little and the new one become more interesting as they start bonding. It always took me a year.
You may want to take the family to a sightseeing trip to Vienna and tell them there. Maybe it’s best to come first on your own/with your partner and look where to live and where work and school are. Or look at houses/apartments together. We can meet in Vienna. You can contact me on time via email: ursula.scarimbolo@aon.at.

Kind regards. Ursula

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Just wanted to say that I moved near to Linz 2 1/2 yrs ago into a VERY rural area and my then 12 yr old followed 2mths later as my partner and I were still then building our home. My son now attends an international school in Linz which is amazing. My son doesn't use much German at all as everything is in English for him there. I speak intermediate German now and am still learning. We tryed a home tutor in German for my son before coming, but he had no interest. He now learns it at school and will speak when he has to. He is now 14. As you are moving to Vienna, you should find it a little easier. As the capital, more is available in English and more people there speak English too. Homesickness and culture shock were the worst for us. I would advise anyone moving abroad to check on customs before going, so things aren't so alien feeling. I found for instance, the Austrian custom for visiting graves a lot, a bit odd! ie Alle Heiligen (all Saints Day Nov 1st) My son now has a life and a routine here even though he 'hated' it at first. Give yourselves two years at least was the best advice I was ever given. It really takes a while to feel 'at home'. We told my son as soon as we knew we were moving to prepare him mentally. You'll know when it's right for you. Good luck with moving!

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Thank you for sharing with me your experience, very usefull, indeed. We speake at home a 3rd language, not english, neither german, so they will face language issues aswell, but I feel we will make it!

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