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Colombian oddities

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cafetero
  5/22/2016 12:53 EST

Adresen got me thinking about some of the other weird stuff we´ve learned to take for granted here.
Like when two or three of them abreast are walking toward you on the sidewalk they won´t yield. You have to step off in the gutter to let them pass. Lately I´ve just started stopping stock still in the center of the sidewalk forcing them to separate around me.
Another is the way they will change direction right into you without ever seeing you, or they wander from side to side on the sidewalk and you never know if they are going to meet and pass on the left or right.
I think that´s because most of them don´t drive, not even bicycles, and they´ve never learned common courtesy OR rules of the road.

LaPiranha
  5/22/2016 13:23 EST

HaHa, and talking of "Rules of the Road", there are none.

Whether you call it an oddity or stupidity, ...... the way they go straight out to the fast lane, and sit there, at a snail's pace, forcing everyone to pass on the wrong side. Downright dangerous, and usually causes chaos. But I suppose they don't have to know how to drive when they get their licence ..... if they even have a licence.

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JasonWriter
  5/22/2016 13:48 EST

I've only been to Medellin twice and for a few months, so I can't speak to this topic, admittedly. But in talking online to a lot of Colombian girls I've noticed one amusing thing. I often ask them if they like living in whatever city they're in-- "Do you like living in Medellin?"-- and they always say "Of course. I've lived here my entire life." Every single time. In the States if you ask a person if they like living in their city, the chances are damn good they'll say "Eh. It's OK. I wouldn't mind trying something else." or "I can't wait to get out of here." But these Colombianas seem to have the logic:

1. I've lived in Medellin my whole life, rarely left the city, haven't had much of a choice in the matter. 2. Therefore, of course I like it. What a silly question.

Is this just the standard answer natives give to gringos online? How often do you guys come across people in Colombian cities who confide to you, "I hate it here. I can't wait to get the f*ck out of this city, I'm sick of it" ala people in the States?

novato1953
  5/22/2016 14:43 EST

What the hell's going on out there? This feeling of isolation and estrangement can be a slippery slope for some. And not just Trump supporters. All over Latin America, gringo bar owners find a godsend in expats tippling daily past tipsy, trading expostulations of bewildered irritation and mystified disgruntlement at the conditions which prevail out there. It's a big reason so many bar owners can afford a nice boat, but they still don't want you flushing paper down the toilet.

Andresen
  5/22/2016 17:32 EST

Not to mention people stepping right in front of you - even my gf will do that.

Andresen
  5/22/2016 17:35 EST

JW, Then ask them directly if they would rather live in the US?

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BrandonBP
  5/22/2016 22:04 EST

I hate stereotypes. Being from Mississippi, I get them more than anyone and none of those preconceived ideas applies to me. However, sometimes you just can't help it, especially in Colombia.

Here's one stereotype about Colombians... They're hardheaded. I don't know how many times I've seen a Colombian struggling with something for several minutes and then offered to help. And they're always like, "No! We do it this way here." So, I'll just wait a few minutes until they give up and then spend 30 seconds fixing the issue.

Which reminds me of something else. Have you ever seen a Colombian trying to cook? It's painful. To them, even preparing rice in no way resembles the method the entire rest of the world uses. Put some rice in a pot (just rice, no salt. God forbid anything have flavor), then fill the entire remainder of the pot with cold water and cook for TWO HOURS uncovered until the rice turns to mush. Mmmmm mmmm!!

I also don't know why a burger needs 6 pints of mustard, mayo, and ketchup. I guess to cover up the fact that the wheat burger has no beef. Oh, and they love love love some pale, soggy, raw frenchfries. I ask for mine golden and crispy but I still get them soggy.

I wish I had kept a log of weird things I saw. There was usually something daily that made me either laugh or left me befuddled.

thelocogringo
  5/23/2016 07:05 EST

Repost from last year:

As a topic of discussion, one of the things I find difficult about living in Colombia. The lack of diversity in foods available.The complete lack of interest by most Colombians to try new foods. The monotony of eating huevos, queso and arepa, day after day after day, month after month.

Most colombians I have met, and that is a considerable amont, do not know how to cook. They are experts in making food hot, but know nothing about the science of cooking.

They have no interest in trying new things or different flavors. Anything that is not bland, salty and over cooked is "Picante" and they will not eat.

Sancocho = chicken soup with an old rooster
Ajijaco = more chicken soup
Tamale = greazy fat soaked corn meal with yuk inside
Bisteak = beef jerky
Pollo gisado = chicken stew
arepa = dry tastless corn or flour patty
bandeja pisa = sicario by heart attack
empanadas - not bad for fried corn meal wraped somthing
pasta -start with the pasta in cold water and boil untill almost mush

Am I missing anything? What else is there.

thelocogringo
  5/23/2016 07:07 EST

There was a great and very entertaining thread a year or so ago about all of the amusing things we do and see here in out adopted country. I searched but just can not find it.

Some help please......

saiid20
  5/23/2016 07:41 EST

Think that was on the forum that shut down....

timllowe
  5/23/2016 07:43 EST

This (food variety) has not been a problem in Cali. There are huge fresh markets with all kinds of produce and with the introduction of Costco, a lot more packaged foods from around the world. Restaurant choice is improving every year but continues to be pricey.

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BrandonBP
  5/23/2016 07:53 EST

I don't know why I forgot this one earlier...

If the weather drops below 70 degrees in Bogota, half the people will be wearing parkas, scarves, tobogans, and mittens. It cracks me up to no end. It dropped down to about 68 one day and Bogota looked like Siberia with so many people bundled up. Only their eyes were peeping out from their eskimo looking garb. I was with a girl from Manizales and she thought it was funny, too. I kept asking her, why are there so many ninjas and eskimos in Bogota?

Here's one that I like a lot. If they don't understand what you're saying, instead of saying, "What?" they'll twinkle their nose like a rabbit. They also point with their lips, which is odd.

And bless their hearts, they don't know what Chinese or Mexican food is. Not that the USA gets the real deal usually, either, but it's way closer than the Colombian version. I'll walk into a Chinese place with a Colombian and say, "These cooks and waiters are all Colombian..." And she'll say, "Of course they're Colombian. Who else were you expecting to be working here?"

Turns out, "Chinese Food" in Colombia means cooking the EXACT comida tipica that every other restaurant has, but then you put a bottle of soy sauce on the table along with a store bought jar of sweet and sour. Wa La! Now your trucha frita is Chinese food! That tickles me so much!

For everything they do that is somewhat irksome, the Colombians do some other thing that makes them adorable.

cafetero
  5/23/2016 08:01 EST

Giving directions. Ask any four Colombians directions to a place and you will get four different answers. I was once looking for a business in a park in Envigado and asked four different people and was sent all the way around the park and brought back to my starting point, only to find out business was actually two blocks away in yet a fifth direction. Getting directions by phone is even worse. I´m sometimes amazed that taxi drivers seem to always arrive where I ask them to go. Now that I have GPS on my phone it´s less of a problem.

timllowe
  5/23/2016 08:13 EST

GPS is a good thing but you miss out on so much extraneous information. ;)

Ask a Caleño how to find an address and he will ask why you're going THERE? Oh, that guy is a total theif. There's a better shop in the barrio.

By the end of the conversation he's invited you to lunch at his home. He most likely has a single daughter close to your age.

Andresen
  5/23/2016 09:02 EST

I don't cook but my gf does. So far she's liked the waffles and French toast I've made. I just got her an English/Spanish Betty Crocker cookbook so I'll see if I can get her to make some things like meatloaf.

pocopelo
  5/23/2016 09:15 EST

The french toast reference made me chuckle. My gf and her family all got big eyes when they tasted it. Like you, I'm not much of a cook but I can manage simple recipes. Usually if I try something new my gf will try to take over, sometimes I relent, sometimes not. But I am definitely not allowed to cook the rice. Apparently they are all knowing in that department. Since I was not raised with rice of any variety I let them do as they wish.They use a small amount of the ubiquitous cooking oil. Is that normal?
But you know, we all like the cooking we're raised with no matter how awful. It is amazing that the food is so bland in a country where it's possible to grow literally anything. That begs the question; how have the Mexicans and Peruvians managed to diverge from this scourge?

timllowe
  5/23/2016 09:35 EST

Below 70 in Cali and no one goes out. Emergency services are called. The door man looks at me like I'm insane if I go out in shorts.

cafetero
  5/23/2016 10:21 EST

Same here. People look at me aghast when I have polo shirt and chinos while they are dressed in parkas with scarves and shivering like it was freezing cold. God forbid I wear cargo shorts in this weather. I am just as astounded when I see working men digging ditches with long sleeve shirts over a heavy tee shirt. This is especially interesting to watch in Barranquilla in the middle of the day. Whoof.

timllowe
  5/23/2016 10:29 EST

I'm a Chicagoan. Try and explain -20F to a Colombian. Or our winter rite on Lake Michigan called The Polar Plunge.

BrandonBP
  5/23/2016 10:53 EST

Travel times:

We all know that Colombians have trouble with times, but it extends to travel. If they say the bus will take 2 hours, it's really 3. If they say 8, it will be 11 or 12 hours.

I asked my hotel, an empanada shop at the bus station, the bus ticket window, and my bus driver how long from San Gil to Sogamoso, and they all said 3 hours. So, of course, it was almost 5 hours. That's with no traffic or flat tires. It's ALWAYS longer.

It's also odd that liquids are sold in plastic bags. Whatever 5 cents you save from not paying for a plastic jug is surely made up for in losses from having your bag of milk spill onto the floor.

Then here is one of my least favorites... They unplug the damn beer coolers at night at restaurants and tiendas. Meaning that my breakfast beer will be hot. And don't judge me; when I'm on vacation I drink beer all day, starting with breakfast.

Edwinjcb
  5/23/2016 11:33 EST

I have noticed this inability to give good directions, too. Many Colombians seem to lack the ability for analytical thinking, such as not only giving directions to a location, but further refining all the information so they not only give you directions, but the fastest/easiest way to get there. Similarly, I was recently getting help from a Colombiana in getting quotes for a medical procedure. It was like pulling teeth. Clinic A has one price, and Clinic B has a different price. Could the difference be one clinic prices everything in a package, while the other clinic charges ala carte? This is important info. to know to be able to accurately compare costs. After asking her at least three times, my friend could only tell me that Clinic B has separate charges. No mention of how much the separate charge was, which was the crucial information I needed to make a compartive buying decision. I don't know if it's just laziness or somehow the inability to fully analyze certain things, but it can be absolutely maddening to suffer through. Hahah

William23
  5/23/2016 17:00 EST

"They also point with their lips, which is odd." That made me laugh. I thought it as odd too but you see that all the time with people in Venezuela also. My gf does it all the time and she is from Peru. She freaks out if I point at something with my finger, go figure!

edl5302
  5/24/2016 10:53 EST

I thought that this was my imagination but they will not alter their course they act like they are not paying attention kind of interesting!

mtbe
  5/24/2016 21:36 EST

A fellow Chicagoan here as well. The pointing with lips is a joke between my wife and I. There is a Colombian comedian who had a whole schtick with it..I think the movie was 'la barra de letras' (not quite sure...the 'ball' of letters...a reference to a type of original electronic typewriter).

The issue of directions is that you can see where you want to go...but you have to go the opposite direction to get there the way the roads are made around the mountains.

cafetero
  5/25/2016 08:02 EST

When I first came to Colombia and didn´t have much Spanish I called it the point to point navigational system. I ask someone and he points. I go to where he pointed and ask someone else. They point and I go there and ask again, and keep doing that until I arrive at my destination. Or, I just get in a taxi and let him do the driving. Like Tim says, if you don´t ask you won´t discover the adventure that awaits jajajajaja

Andresen
  5/25/2016 08:37 EST

Cafeteria. So you had a GPS - General Pointing System.

cafetero
  5/25/2016 12:11 EST

I admit, I´m technically challenged and a slow learner. I didn´t discover the GPS capability of my smartphone until recently when a friend introduced me to Google Maps GPS and Waze.
Both are available in the google play store and apple apps.
A little bit of practice and wow, I´m awesome with directions now jajajajaja

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