Sorry to say this, but honey (and I don't mean that badly) the RED FLAGS were there when you spent YOUR money to come all 3 times and he got the sex for free. This my dear, is a HUGE CRIMSON SHIP THAT JUST PULLED UP AT YOUR DOCK and is going to ask for refueling and refueling and refueling as long as you let it happen. Send it away.

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40abuse

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yes, this one took a while to go for the sting or reel in the fish so he could feed the whole family at your expense......but this game is an old one and you know what to do, send him packing. I know it hurts but it is time to put yourself first,
So sorry.

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10abuse

yes, this one took a while to go for the sting or reel in the fish so he could feed the whole family at your expense......but this game is an old one and you know what to do, send him packing. I know it hurts but it is time to put yourself first,
So sorry.

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00abuse

thanks for your reply. I know. I know. My heart needs to obey my head.

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00abuse

thanks for your reply. i spent 5-6 hours reading story after story that was almost carbon copy of my experience. blew away the smokescreen

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10abuse

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There are too many sad stories similar to yours. At least you haven't lost all your money and given up your real life at home.

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00abuse

Haha. Yes what you say is so true. Yes he is from Luxor. My second trip he took me to meet his family and they made a big meal for us. His sisters came to my flat several times also. It really is a shocking awakening to see how common this is. His behavior went from loving and sweet and supportive to well horrible. He really sucked me into his life. My eyes are wide open now though. And I have to say - I have only myself to blame. Many peeps along the way questioned this relationship. Even my own sons tried t warn me.

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00abuse

I believe you are right. My money went like water in the desert when I was with A. And he like to pay for things using my money - I am 100 sure everything he said cost more than it really did.

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00abuse

i've been reading the posts here and can't help but to comment. i am in somewhat similar situation, being in long distance relationship with an egyptian man living in maadi, cairo. i met him during my first trip in egypt (2012) and met with him twice in hurghada (2013). he said he was "divorce" but supporting two kids as his main priority and his ex-wife is taking care of his kids while he works. he seemed to be honest with me and with been on and off since it's hard to keep up with long distance relationship. He's been in tourism business, trying to set up a travel agency on his own but difficult to establish due to current political situation in egypt. What's frustrating is that he didn't communicate often (texts, fiber, Skype, FaceTime) so I always worry about him. I confronted him one time and he said he was depressed and have been busy. Sometimes I wanted to give up on him but it's just hard to let go as I know that we have a very good connection. it's been really tough, this really affects my daily life.

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00abuse

After reading what others have written I am surprised you are pursuing this relationship. Personally, I doubt the guy is divorced and if tourism is down, which it is, why is he so busy? Normally when someone is depressed they reach out to the person they have a real connection to so this may be a one sided relationship. You may need to cut the cord, it seems he already has. So sorry and hard to do I know, but you know what you need to do. Be strong and move on.

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11abuse

he is using you, and you know i think

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10abuse

somebody is sending me private messages ; Johanna .......i wil answer in public......be transparant ....no all Dutch women i KNOW came back, unhappy.....i guess the women who are happy are not writing here. Please tell the happy stories

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30abuse

Ok..for years and years I have read nothing but unhappy stories.Well,my story a happy one. I met my Egyptian husband one night on the tram in Alex. This was five years ago....He has never ask me for one penny. The only thing I did for us(pay) was getting him a visa to come to America. Not all Egyptian men are bad and evil...If u have a red flag from the very first time or even the second time..stay away...but have an open mind and know that Egyptian men are so giving and a lot of them are very kind

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i moved to egypt and got married to my egyption husband in the british embassy after 6 weeks, he was sweet and tourism was good when we met so he had money and worked :-/ but then tourism got bad and he stopped working and we lived with all his family ONLY if i could pay money to them for our keep. then he started steeling from me and selling my belongings and i kept saying to myself he will change he will change but i stayed with him another year and a half and prior to me leaving to come home for the final steps of selling my home his father told him to tell me everything there family had said about me. so he did and apparently all the family even his father told my husband to leave me on many occassions BUT he didnt and now the father thinks of me like a daughter. so this has left me very confused i dont know if my husband really loves me or if it's just the money:-( for the first nearly 2 years we never had a lot of money we had like £80 a week MORE i know than most salaries but it wasnt a lot anybody any ideas ?

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00abuse

I have noticed something about expat/foreigner girls in general when dealing with egyptian people, specifically men, and it really pains and aches me to see you fall in such huge mishaps.

What i am going to say might make sound as a class discriminator, but i don't care: that is just the reality of what's happening in egypt.

The problem is that you girls are taught that class doesn't matter, because what matters is the person on the inside, so go by this notion, and don't think much about class. Well not in egypt. Oh boy does that differ in completely in egypt!

Unfortunately, in egypt, basic life needs are not provided except if you have money, because the government doesn't provide sh!t.

Food, shelter and education for instance. In egypt, lower classes don't have these, or have them in very poor quality. To give a measure for what "very poor quality" means, i will just tell you that in public high schools, some kids can BARELY write their names. Middle classes will at most have them in poor quality. People don't get well educated except in upper middle classes and high classes.

Let me tell you that even upper middle classes and high classes education will BARELY cover the gap between our education and your normal middle class education in a public schools, and believe me i am not exaggerating. This is why we are called a 3rd world country. We need to get exposed a LOT to be open minded and still retain our traditions and religious views. What happens in egypt is that either a man is too afraid to open up his mind so he becomes ignorant and intolerant, or he opens his mind a lot that he abandons what he once believed because he doesn't want to make the effort of thinking and reconciling different cultures and points of view.

Now in egypt, with bad education comes a package, a very bad package of ignorance, intolerance, inferiority complexes and greed. This all manifests in everyday life dealings.

Plus, the culture of "defeat" and the culture of "slavery" that the current political system has left in our society will even compound this more. For example, acts like hiding true intents, feigning and pretending to get along to just reach an end, putting material values over moral values at any time, all of these things, are the culture of fear and imprisonment. Fear of revealing what's inside because this is how some people are brought up: don't say anything to anybody. And the survival in the community of slaves by ratting out, competing on every level, crushing anyone on their way, selling their morals for bread crumbs.

And thus, people always feel inferior, and always feel they need to acquire something, anything. Be it by wronging someone, bribing someone, using someone, anything, just to feel fulfilled as their ends get met, and as i mentioned to try to find their worth, but in the wrong direction of material gain, not of moral integrity. That's the law and culture of the jungle, mind you.

People grew up not finding themselves and want to do anything just to prove that they are anything. And they will always try to prove anything to themselves.

And you are the victims.

Your money, your body, your heart, everything is at stake.

Add to all that, the normal, basal level of alpha male sadistic macho douchebaggery.

That is not to say that high classes are totally sane. No. But at least they might only be douchebags, not frauds nor wanting your money nor your visa.

Now such endemic egyptian societal problems will decrease if a person is well off. And it will decrease more if a person was already born in a wealthy family. And it will decrease more if that person is half egyptian. It's all about education and the parental background.

Of course there are diamonds in the rough, lower classes who are dedicated to keeping their morals, but those are very rare, and they will definitely shy off from knowing a foreigner girl.

You see, people who want to know foreigners, mostly are people who want to get out of their own skin. Not everyone of course: i'd like to meet foreigners for cultural exchange, broadening my mind and for friendship, but i certainly don't wanna meet them for dating. So you are basically a vehicle for them to just... do whatever repressed desires they had.

Can you see what's happening? For someone in egypt to acquire a decent level of maturity through all these negative influences is just not easy! It takes time, takes seeing oneself and admitting having complexes and fears.

Now you girls, go and choose from a group of least probability to maturation! And i have seen this TOO many times it's just the norm!

This subject is a very big one and has very intricate and convoluted details. If i kept going, i will keep going on forever.

But the moral of the story is: PLEASE, the next time you are meeting someone, choose someone who is a bit classy.
Choose someone who is fluent in english because he was in an english school, not because he took a course to impress chicks with it, and it'd be better if he was in an international school, a french school or a german school. Fluency in eglish doesn't matter in europe, but it matters as sh!t in egypt.
Choose someone who would never, on any occasion have a bad smell (I swear to God, these things differ a lot).
Choose someone who treats you casually not in a clingy way.
Choose someone who has a good job: a doctor, an engineer, a manager, a financial analyst, a computer programmer, a pharmacist: something like that!
Choose someone who has a life, who has something to do other than searching for bars and going to hotels' night clubs to hunt down chicks.
Seek a guy in a library, in a swimming pool, in a track, someone who is DOING something! Not just hanging out for predation.
Oh and by the way, some tourist guides, choose this job specifically to live off foreigners!

I really do hope i helped, and please send this message to any foreigner lady coming to egypt.

You want my direct advice? Don't get into a relationship with an egyptian except if he is a Demi-god. Or maybe a prince. Or maybe if he is Omar Sharif.

Cheers :)

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12abuse

Wow, that essay helped a lot. After reading your piece a lot falls into place. Thank you for taking the time to write this. Tell me please how the educated feel about the new government. It seems to he the same as mubarack and not a revolution at all.

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00abuse

I had to do this because whenever i see an expat having a misfit leech as a boyfriend my eyes go sore.

Now about the views of the educated about the new government...

Dear Melissa, the educated people of egypt have a problem with the past 200 years of egyptian leadership, specifically the past 60 years since nasser came to power.

See that social community analysis riddled with negative influences? That my dear friend, is nasser's work in effing up this country.

The culture of slavery and jungle is the culture of the army hierarchy. The culture of "ends justify the means" is also the culture of the army hierarchy. He slowly, knowingly or unbeknownst to him, implemented it, with his malice, bully, greed, sense of inferiority, and narrow mindedness on the egyptian people. So that is what you get.

Now to be fair, historically, governments had functions when nasser was in power, and they meant well and aimed for prosperity. But subtly by time, the hand of the army and the intelligence went to overtake and control everything in it, and put "national security" as their only reason to stop, or proceed with any governmental processes.

And when businessmen in sadat's period started working and investing, some of the retired army officers were partners in their businesses. So, since this is egypt, they wanted to skew just a liiittle bit the then current laws for their interests. So they made the "National democratic party", to be the "front" for the opportunists who want their ends met through political control.

Then enters mubarak, and literally, everything that is being done in this country is for the "elite" ruling businessmen and army officers. Nothing happens except when it's beneficial for these 2, until most of the politcal agenda became essentially detrimental for the whole country but beneficial to only a very small group. Add to that, the lack of vision of army officers. These people are NOT trained to have a vision of civility or prosperity. They are there to protect. with that in mind, almost very few things which were done sporadically were beneficial, and still, the planning was so bad it still had a detrimental element to it.

Maintenance, restoration, and overhaul, are words that are not in their dictionaries. Treating historical monuments badly, selling royal jewelries for pennies, holding the Abdeen Palace (which could have been easily the second Château de Versailles) as a central intelligence building, neglecting transportation means, neglecting egypt's peripheral rural areas and their right of sanitary waterways, etc... and the list goes on and on, all of that, is by no means a priority. Their priority is: keeping the myth of abdel nasser, the myth that the army is the best army in the world, and that the army saved egypt, and when keeping these myths, comes along the duty of "worshiping" the army and let it do what it wants to do. Even if it kills you: it knows best for you. And of course stealing is ok.

The government officials are mere puppets, who are set to keep networks of interests and these "myths" going. And the real controllers of things, are the second line of men inside every ministry. The secretaries and under secretaries of all ministries are mostly retired or former army or police officers.

This is how in broad lines the country is run. That's why whatever they do, i don't care, and they only do something for the people when the sh!t hits the fan real bad.

Of course high classes of egyptian people don't care much because what the elite does, it also serves them, but it's just too unfair for the lower classes.

The funny thing is, the current elite, many of them, specifically army officers, were the low classes of the egyptian monarchy, and when they reached power and money through bullying and stealing in the name of "1952's revolution", they go about marrying from the high classes to compensate the feeling of inferiority. That's how also some of the noble men in the monarch, who were practically the richest and considered the elite businessmen, became intertwined with the army, having shared interests.

Now in all this mess, there are some really good people, regardless of their class or background, who can solve problems. But they don't get the chance to do so. Because they won't keep the elite's interests.

One last thing, government officials are brought to the government, not because they are good, no, it's because they HAVE to.

They are intimidated and lured at the same time. EVERY. SINGLE. MAN in the past 15 years, had "files" of incriminating evidences in state security departments, ready to be spilled out in the media at the first sign of compromise. And if there aren't evidences? Simple: the state security fabricates some! Very easy! And the court is on their side. There is no escape.

That's how this hellhole is ran.

Now what happened to the revolution, is another story :) The revolution, is, as we say in the egyptian slang, and pharaonice dialect:"Ba777" :D

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To Magnum Joe......are you Egyptian.....just curious! You are an excellent writer and I enjoyed being informed about Egypt its past, present and "GOD knows..... its future!!!!! I myself only wish I had read your posts many years ago.....unfortunetly my story I feel is too long!!! I've been there done that with the "Orfi" situation sad to say!!! I must move forward with my life...but...I will always LOVE EGYPT and all its GOOD people!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thank you for your very informative posts!!!!!! Keep writing as I am always interested in being educated for what I didn't know or understand!!!!! BLESS YOU!!!!

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00abuse

Dancers,

Yes my friend i am egyptian, although technically, not quite.

I was born and raised in egypt, seldom traveled abroad, but my background is different. My mother's family, be it my grand father or my grand mother, were from turkish and algerian berber noble families, respectively, residing in egypt during the ottoman era. My dad's family is close to that, having my grand mother with turkish/levantine origins,, but my grand dad is egyptian. So basically i am quarter egyptian. Even my looks are not: i am a hairy slender caucasian, with "South East Europe" written all over my face.

This combination makes me a bit of an anomaly. I am culturally not quite egyptian, but at the same time i fully understand everything about it. Or at least, i can choose what is good from all these 3 cultures: egyptian, turkish and berber. I thank god for that, as i can easily relate to the best culture in every domain. For instance, i am very much proud of my turkish roots, but when it comes to their history inclined towards blood shedding, i say:"Well in this part, i am might be a hothead but i am essentially peaceful, as all egyptians." And when it comes to making a stance and acting bravely, i state that i am a "Berber, full of rage towards injustice and oppression!" It's a fun game to play :) lol. This might be what's really aiding me towards objectivity in history and in everything else.

I am quite verbose with you guys, i don't know why? This doesn't happen often :) Well... it does happen often but only when i feel comfortable writing this way :) and apparently i am feeling comfortable :D

And, to you i say, bad experiences are part of our lives. sometimes you will never quite grasp what it taught you, but be sure that when the time comes, it will help you through a lot.

Finally, you have no idea how much i am happy that my words helped you at least as a mean to console you. And of course there are very good people in egypt from all walks of life indeed. You just need to really dig deep to find them. And of course, without mentioning, you are very very welcome :) And bless you too :)

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00abuse

Actually Magnum Joe to me it doesn't matter what any human is as far as their backround or heritage as I am mixed too! English, Irish, German, American Indian and a "Royal Coat of Arms": too as my uncle did research on our family tree. I doesn't make any difference to me though.....all I know is to respect and love.....all the human race! BUT I will never understand evil that goes on throughout the world these days!!!!!!! I was never raised to hate.....GOD IS LOVE AND NOTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You sound like a very respectful man and its wonderful to be that!!! My Egyptian friend whom I was with (OVER 10 YEARS)was not all a bad experience for me and he has since died almost a year ago 2/22/2014.....I miss him terribly and I feel him near me SOOOOO MANY times since he died!!!!! That is WHY I said "its a LONG story" and too long to go into!!! I am in the arts and so was he.....I feel he may have been my twin in another life...SORRY if that sounds crazy but this is my DEEP feeling!!!!!!! There surely was a connection with me and Egypt AND him as well!!!!!!!!!!!!! "DESTINY" You write VERY well and my Egyptian also loved to write too...GOD REST HIS SOUL!!!!!! I miss Egypt very much!!!!! OH! WELL.....time must move on surely one thing we can count on is "CHANGE" in life huh??? SMILE!!!!! Hope you continue to write...I am living in USA Phila Pa.....but I've traveled many times to Morocco, Turkey, Egypt many times and lived off Pyramid St in Giza too for a year and had to return to the US as my mother passed away GOD REST HER SOUL...also went to Spain and Greece!!!!!!! WRITE SOON....I ENJOY YOUR writing very much!!!!!!! GOD BLESS AND ANGELS!!!!!! XOXOXOXOX

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00abuse

Thank you very much dancers, you have no idea how much i appreciate your comments, although i struggle to keep my modesty and humility when reading them.. :)

I am so sorry for your loss! That is just a heartache! But i can see you are a person who looks deeply into life events, and will sure grow more wise and more spiritual through this experience. And God rest all the souls of people you truly loved :)

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01abuse

Hi Magnum Joe.....OH! THANK YOU SO MUCH.....for your kind words!!!!!! It truly means a lot to me!!!!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My Egyptian friend was from "Shubra" (rod el farag)!!!! When he died I asked his brother where he was buried.....that's all I wanted to know and as of yet no one in his family has told me!!! This scenario is just as I said TOOOOOOO LONG to go into but for the 10 years and more you would think "ONE" of the members of his family could at least tell me where he is buried!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well I guess "If GOD WILL" Anyway if you want to see me...my website is www.nagwa.com My professional name is Nagwa Sai'd.....When I lived in Cairo I taught in the Mohandaseen area of Cairo!!!! (Flamenco dance) Been an artist all my life and so was my Egyptian partner......GOD REST HIS SOUL!!!!! What area do you live in Egypt???? Well Magnum Joe...cool name! Sending you good wishes and everything good in your life!!!!!!!! STAY WELL AND HAPPY!!!!!! ANGELS....NAGWA XOXOX

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00abuse

I have been reading all of these posts and Irma, I was compelled to sign-up just to respond to your message.

I'm an American woman married to an Egyptian man. We've been married for over 6 years and we're just fine. We're happily married, with normal ups and downs, nothing even close to what I am reading about here.

I'm middle aged... but, so is my husband. We're both college educated professionals. We didn't meet on holiday.

I lived for 5 of our 6 years in Egypt. I never paid for anything while there, he paid. He provided the flat, he had the job and supported me. Any money I made was for our fun... or whatever I might have wanted to spend it on. We are in the States now and things are a little different, but that's compromise. We both work now, I have the higher paying job as he is trying to become accustomed to life here. It's a marriage.

I'm not quite sure what is going on in the tourist industry, but my hubby offers this advice, like it or not... stay away from the men in the tourist industry. You can't trust any of them. That's not me generalizing, that is straight from an Egyptian man's mouth...

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10abuse

So so so sorry for this . Do not trust any egyptian man asking u for money . Take care .

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10abuse

Don't trust anyone in America, especially South America, Europe, Asia, or the rest of Africa, asking you for money! LOL

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00abuse