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I need to understand

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cebou

6/4/2015 08:36 EST

Hello,

sorry about this but I am no expat, I am a french lady who married an egyptian man 16 years ago. I had a child with this man, she is now 15! I left him when she was a baby since I could not bear being left alone to care for everything without any help, not even financial! I went back to France ( we used to be expats in the UK when we met) . Since he never sent any money,, he had mentioned having a brother in Brussels and upper class parents in Cairo but we never had any news from them. Not a card, nor a mail even less a birthday present , NOTHING which to a french person is very shocking! Suddenly about 1.5 years ago the brother contacted us out of the blue! We welcomed him at our place, he was very pleasant and promised t o help from then on, promised he would pay for my daughter's studies. He went away, sent some money twice but not a kind word, not a phone call after his visit! He broke his promise to my daughter to take her on holiday to Brussels or Paris with him! Then nothing!! I tried contacting the gran parents, found a friend of the granny through facebook and discovered both my daughter's father and her uncle had lied to me about her. They pretended she could not speak english!!! I called her, one of the first thing she said is come over to Egypt!!! How could I even think about this when I don't know them !!! Then she said she wanted to call her sons and then she would call me back!!! Time passed no one called me back! I called back and I try to get an adress to write, impossible to understand over the phone an egyptian adress!!! She did not call back after the second time either! Today I call again , manage to talk a bit, saying among things that my daughter needs help as I Ihave financial problems and I have to pay for dental care, medical care, plus internship at school ... she tells me to come to Egypt, I could buy what I want!!! I was so upset, I don't want to go shopping in Cairo, I want family help to support my daughter's health and education!!! Then she tells me she does not know how to help that it's too complicated to send money over to France from Egypt!!! I can't believe this, with the web I can buy a present to a friend in Australia in less than 5 minutes if I want!!! I don't understand these people! Could anyone Egyptian help me understand what is going on! Why are we getting close to no support from this family? I know the father is a liar, the uncle does not seem to have pride in keeping a word , but I don't know what to think of the parents in Egypt! If I was a rich gran mother at the other end of the world I would surely send a present at least for every birthday. I would find ways to help my gran daughter so that she ca,n have anything she needs. I am not talking about toys or so but if her parents cannot pay for private tuitons, boarding school, transports, medical care... I would help! Please help me it's been 15 yeasrs and I don't understand!

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dancers

From: Egypt

6/4/2015 16:58 EST

What is "Not to understand"????? Isn't it obvious everyone is lying and avoiding you and your daughter.....that is VERY OBVIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My story would be TOOOOOOOO long to even tell you.....but this I know.......we become "allowers" also and I am not saying this to be cruel but I was the hugest ALLOWER EVER!!!!!!!!! Had you been Egyptian things would be different although these days ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE no matter where your from or who you are!!!!! I feel for you and especially your child and also she is a girl......boys are more important.....especially in the middle-east and I am not saying every single person is like this but the majority are!!!!!!!! Better you forget these people because if they wanted to help you and your daughter they could easily do that.....its hard to say "get on with your life" and I swear I don't ever tell ANYONE what to do.....my Egyptian experience is HUGE and PAINFUL!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK AND ANGELS BE FOREVER NEAR!!!!!!!! I Hope I didn't offend you in any way!! I continually read all of these posts and so many times I've wanted to respond but held back!!!!!!

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CasualCairo

From: Egypt

6/5/2015 04:16 EST

I fear your first mistake is assuming that the story they are rich is true. The family lies, so why are you convinced of this, other than wishful thinking?

My real fear is that they hope to get you and your daughter back to Egypt and then do something to forbid you from taking her back home. Remember they tend to tell you anything they like and you believe them and they have the language here in their favor. At 15 she is just the right age for them to save her from the western world and get her on the straight and narrow.

Whatever you do, play it really safe. Tell granny if she can buy YOU a return ticket to Egypt, you will come. Even if granny buys two tickets I would not bring your daughter - tell them she got sick at the last minute or better yet tell them she was afraid to come - they couldn't argue that or call you a bad mom for leaving her if that was the case.

Other wise....stop putting a year eggs in that basket for financial help - it's NOT coming, and start looking in your own back yard.
Good luck.

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melissa1984

6/9/2015 22:12 EST

Here is the lesson i have learned, you cannot.change people. My guess is like casual cairo there was never any money, just lies. I hope you can somehow release your fantasy that somehow, some day one of these people will love and cherish, only you who gets to watch her grow into a young woman. Remember her options in france outweigh her choices in egypt. The grandmother cannot really help and i know you do not want your daughter feeling she is less than. Your job is to accept completely that this family is morally lacking and she doesnt need to hold out hope but rather be exposed to those who are able to love you 2. There must be help somewhere for you, to help you to accept and let. You both deserve that kind of healing.

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melissa1984

6/9/2015 22:18 EST

One more think i am typing from a tiny screen so forgive my typos, etc. Just other thing, ditto casual cairo. I would never expose my daughter to this family as they have proven they have nothing to offer and her being female does not help. Good luck to you and may your healing begin!

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christineelde

7/20/2015 08:03 EST

My advise to you, Never bring daughter back to Egypt to meet family . Why, the father will take your daughter away and you will never see her again.

I known two women whom both are british but father was egyptian , mother brougth them to egypt to visit dad. They never went back to egypt . Father took them away from their mother.

Both ladies who I spoke to said they never forgave their father for what he did till this day. But , they are raised in Muslim upbringing and is being watch constantly where they go.

Truly am sorry what you been through. I was married to an Egyptian and they do lie including families. They just want money from you !! that is it.

Please see if you can get some type of assistant from government for single mothers or even from a non profit organization, as well from the church.

I wish you to best endeavors for you and daughter.

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