christineelde
7/20/2015 07:52 EST
Hello, I have known this Egyptian for 5 years and he married to first wife but is seperated.
He says he wanted married me but that I be his second wife. In Islam , is allowed. I am muslim revert/ convert.
I already given him prenup marriage contract he agree too, but am having hard time dealing the idea he is still married.
I been married twice before to egyptian had had bad expereince and both took all my money and left me with nothing..
I not want to fall back into another trap so that is why I had prenup made and legalize to protect myself and my rights as a wife in Islam.
He never asked for money from me , he even told me if he ever asked for it that I should divorce him.
Anyone has any advise on how I can overcome this issue as being second wife.
In USA, it is not legal to have two wives only one ! My upbringing from catholic family only believes one spouse and culture .
I am age of 50 , i have read quan and hadith that (pbuh) prophet mohamed married his first wife who was 25 his senior and he loved her .
the man , whom want to marry me as his second wife is 8 yrs younger than me.
Can someone give any suggestions to help me deal with this issue. I do love him and known him of 5 years but it is hard .
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melissa1984
7/20/2015 11:42 EST
Aren't you worried about the 3 strikes and you are out theory? Why not stay single ir marry a nice catholic boy?
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modsaid
7/20/2015 15:15 EST
Dear Christine,
I highly advise you not to. if his second wife is an issue, she will always be, and after all the excitement and charm of the new step goes away. you'll end up with only mess.
In Egypt. the law is a bit messy. Applying the law to be precise. Everything has holes in the law, and the culture is widely to follow the holes. You cannot rely on solely on the law. However, i'm curious to know how the former husbands took all your money. I mean, your money is yours, only yours. you should not give them or even disclose their details to anyone even your husband. respect your own space, otherwise no one will respect it.
If he and his first wife are separated. why are they still married? this is a very valid question.
Wishing u all the best.
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realegy
7/20/2015 20:27 EST
Dear Christine ,i'm really glad to that you are muslim revert as i have a great appreciation for people who choose islam to be their religion . and about being a second wife it's the same as getting married u need to be sure about the man you're getting married to if u think he's the right one so go ahead right a way don't listen to those people who go against polygamy i tried polygamy it was great because it's based on understanding and respect ,now i'm married to a great wife and we're totally understanding and deeply in love and she supports me looking for second wife she's even looking for one and if u think according to your western back ground there's a great contradiction in your culture where they refuse polygamy and accept 3somes 4somes and group sex and open free sexual relations how come?you're free to do any thing but you're not free to get married as second wife ,so does that mean your freedom isn't complete ?.
you're the only one who can decide what to do ,you want to do it or not.make up your mind you're free follow your heart and mind .my best wishes
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angelica
7/21/2015 08:38 EST
Please please not marry him , it would be a big mistake,all egyption men are bad and you will end up broken hearted like every other women girl who marry egyption men, they are all bad.
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melissa1984
7/21/2015 10:07 EST
Wow. I cannot imagine putting yourself in this position. He is not separated. You will always be wife number 2 and what i have seen is that through hook or crook you will be supporting the whole family. Do you live in egypt? Remember this second wife thing is largely about meeting the mans needs. Our western concepts just don't apply and once you get how stuck you are it will be too late. If the other 2 egyptians took all your money why do you need a prenup? And if you still have money he will get it one way or the other. The whole culture is based on male supremacy and i cant understand why that is ok with you when you already have had such bad experiences. Run this by your friends and consider therapy. I do wish you the best. You are gonna need it.
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Irma
7/21/2015 12:33 EST
would you do it in your own country if it was allowed ........? would you allow him to merry a second wife if you were the first one? ( they have to ask ) , you know why he did not divorce her? I think you are his Bezness ( sorry to say )
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melissa1984
7/21/2015 16:53 EST
And the other thing is, you need to read just what the rules are around this set up. First of all, it is rarely done. The guy has to love both of you the same and provide 2 homes that are the same
And go back and forth, one night here one night there. If your guy says differently well he is full of it.
Very few can afford 2 households and I never met an educated Egyptian with 2 wives. I did meet a few in this set up but it can be miserable and if you are an older western woman, I question the motives. It is great that the prophet had an older wife but 800 years later I doubt it is happening. No you are a lamb to the slaughter and there is no one more charming than an Egyptian on the hunt. Remember the man is supposed to be paying your expenses and anything else is just a sting operation. You know the truth. Now take care of you this time.
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melissa1984
7/22/2015 10:26 EST
Whoops, the prophet lived way more than 800 years ago. But you get my drift. Doubt there are too many arranged marriages where the bride is both western and many years older than the groom. Also the wife number 1 has to agree with the whole thing. Again, if that has not happened, another sign of a scam.
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MagnumJoe
7/31/2015 08:28 EST
Dearest Christine,
Him marrying you after having issues with his wife means only one thing: that this man wants to escape his problems with his wife and just marries another woman.
Why not divorce her and marry you? It's because he is too lazy to fix, or even afraid confrontation. Escapism.
He will eventually do the same to you.
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melissa1984
7/31/2015 12:35 EST
And i dont even believe he has problems with number 1. You are simply financing the family and why would she object to that. We are big business in egypt and besides getting a divorce in egypt is very easy. Pretty soon you will be buying her clothes.
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christineelde
8/9/2015 13:29 EST
Thank you, for all of your comments which do appreciate it
I not left and stood my ground when I asked him who was paying for the apartment / flat which his response was You.
I asked him if you paid for the first you have to pay for me stated in Islam. He gave me excuses....
That was a red flag for me !!
Sadly, I really thought he was the rarest one being totally honest and fair .
Grateful my eyes were opened not blinded.
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CasualCairo
From: Egypt
8/10/2015 06:03 EST
As they say in Egypt - El Humdualla (Thanks God!)
He was honest, but not fair. Thanks God he was honest and told you that you were responsible to buy your own home, as he could have lied to you and gotten you here and then sprung the ugly truth on you through a series of more lies about how he just needed to borrow the money for now, or God knows what. Some of them are bone heads!
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chellz67
9/8/2015 09:20 EST
hi….just google this…. Bezness Egypt….. and you will read some amazing horror stories about western and european women getting schmoozed by….and entangled with….egyptian men….it's called Bezness for a reason!!!…..very enlightening....
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MagnumJoe
9/9/2015 05:59 EST
Wow that is very ugly! But it's a very good site. I think it should be recommended for everyone coming to egypt.
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melissa1984
9/9/2015 09:26 EST
Yes I read it last night and was amazed by how true it was and how it explained what the mindset is on both sides. Very well done.
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CasualCairo
From: Egypt
9/9/2015 13:54 EST
Reading those stories is like watching a train wreck. ...can't take your eyes off it, no matter how much you want to.
Can't believe the amounts of money some of these women have given these boneheads. ...no wonder they keep doing it. They keep getting rewarded for their bad behavior.
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