souix
9/30/2016 21:56 EST
Please Advise. If your son ran way to Guatemala to live off the grid & smoke weed
...& he's over the age of 24 what would YOU do?
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kgriff
9/30/2016 23:07 EST
Depends. Are the parents in contact with the 24 yr old son?
Being that he's 24 there's not much that can be done. He's an adult. Perhaps allowing him to make his own mistakes for once is the best thing that can happen to him.
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armandatitlan
From: Guatemala
10/1/2016 04:33 EST
It is a difficult question.. But I have seen several young ones doing exactly the same thing.. they come down to Guatemala and experiment alternative life style and use of hallucinogenics ... if the stick to weed then sooner or later he will get to a point where he might went to come back ... if he goes to harder substance then it might compromise seriously his health and future.. He might has well find his place here and be happy leaving here...
But it is not Guatemala that makes him living that.. it could be any other place.. What would I do is remind him that I love him, that i'm here for him if he needs any thing.. that I don' t understand is move but it is his life.
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ellenbuilder
10/1/2016 12:31 EST
I agree with kgriff and Armand. If you take the hard line your risk driving him away forever.
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souix
10/1/2016 13:08 EST
Yes I've heard there's quite a few lost ones...ESP around the lake...some having been there years. People tell me I'm enabling him sending him funds....but for the three years we did not he slipped further & furthur into desperation.
He HATES America. Thrown away his ID, passport. We are broken-hearted.
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zaqwsx
10/1/2016 13:35 EST
what is your problem - it is a good thing. If he tried to drop off the grid and engage in the use of drugs with no visible means of support in the good old U.S.A. he would quickly run himself up a long criminal record that will follow him around the rest of his life and in the U.S. there are enough bleeding heart liberals that he can go on until they stop letting him out of jail with free food and housing. The real purpose of the police the world over is to get the undesirables out of their city. In Guatemala they will just throw him in the back of a pickup drive him out of town, beat him soundly and suggest he not return - no criminal record and no bleeding hearts giving him free food and housing. I would suggest a more effective way to convince him he should become a productive citizen.
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armandatitlan
From: Guatemala
10/1/2016 18:14 EST
IN Guatemala from my 26 years of experience with the Mayan communities unless you really mess up with them... they don't bother what you are doing and would live you live pretty much the way you want to live...
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kgriff
10/1/2016 18:58 EST
At what point do you plan to let - or force - him to grow up? He's an adult now, he should be making his own decisions and his own way. If he falls into despair, he'll find a way out of it when he is ready to. If you continue to provide him the funds to live the way he wants to live, he'll always live that way.
I have a 23-year old daughter. She doesn't always do what I want her to do, but she makes her own choices. Along with making her own decision comes making her own way, meaning I don't enable her along the way. As a 19 yr old she was on heroin. Now she in college. If I had provided her money to live the way she wanted to live 4 years ago, she would still be on heroin - or worse.
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zaqwsx
10/1/2016 19:43 EST
to follow up I agree with Armandatitln, the Mayan people are much more easy going that Americans. I would however point out that a group of very passive Jews were encouraged to leave San Juan at the lake two years ago (the city cut off their electric and water and when they did not leave a delegation visited them and advised them if they were still here Sunday they would be taken out to the street doused with gas and set them afire) they left on Saturday. I saw in the paper 2 weeks ago the same group were thrown out of zone 9 in the city. The Mayan are easy going though and they were given a third chance and have bought 700 acres in Santa Rosa. No one got a criminal record and no one went after their visas. In that respect the guy is much better off in Guatemala than the U.S. and since the mother is an enabler there is little chance he is going to change his ways. He should be able to live very happily on $600.00 to $800.00 a month at the lake.
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souix
10/1/2016 20:02 EST
Thankyou KGriff for sharing your story with this forum. It really gives me a perspective I need to read. I realize I'm enabling my son. I lack the courage to cut him off. I admit it. Also ashamed because all my family tells me to cut off the money tap...
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kgriff
10/1/2016 20:59 EST
As a parent, it is hard to see our children suffer yet for some, it is the best thing. Only you know what's right for you and your son. Know that you're not alone, though.
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kgriff
10/1/2016 21:04 EST
As far as him throwing away his ID and passport, he may one day want to get it back. People change over time - they meet others, they have experiences, they change. Sometimes those changes are forced on them. Although not currently likely, there may come a time when he will HAVE to have a passport. Heaven forbid something happens to him that causes him to come to the attention of the government and he is deported (yes, that happens here to people, although not on the same scale as in the US); he'll not have a choice but to return to his country of birth.
Hang in there.
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Paulo69
10/1/2016 22:02 EST
I hope your boy finds his way to a productive and happy life. I agree with your family that you should cut him off but I would never want to be in your shoes. I might find myself making the same decision that you are and enabling him. It is a tough choice and I wish you and him the best.
Just FYI. This is the "group of very passive Jews" referred to in this thread. They have fled Israel, the US and Canada.
http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/News.aspx/177556
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swamimeister
10/1/2016 22:23 EST
I agree with those who recommend cutting him off. You could take whatever amount you are sending him and divide by 10 or even 20. Take that amount out of the payment each month so that will give him time to decide what he's going to do. ie. $1000 divided by 10 is 100. 1st mo $900, 2nd mo $800, etc. As example. Whatever formula you are comfortable with.
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souix
10/2/2016 04:46 EST
If this group of Jews is so " passive" why were
They run out of Pana? ?
My son by the way is quite a learned fellow.
Expert biologist. Tall & handsome. Bilingual.
complete stoner unfortunatly. He lives clean otherwise, doesn't waste the $450 I send him. Quit university after being a top student 3 years.
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armandatitlan
From: Guatemala
10/2/2016 09:39 EST
The very passive Jews.... who are wandering in Guatemala, have a way of living that clashed with the Mayan way of living. The men would go and bath naked on the shore of the lake. they would go to the stores and not say hello to the locals... plus their way of dressing all in black, kids kept inside no school.. disturbed the locals . I don't say they were right to kick them out.. but this particular sect didn't help making them accepted.
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souix
10/2/2016 14:51 EST
Interesting story of the Jews insensitivity to locals custom....& Thankyou for sharing the WHY which is of course obvious to you & myself in fact. My son has fitted in mostly with locals. He has three goats & lives a quiet simple life & doesn't flaunt his smoking so he is culturally sensitive in his demeanor. He loves the Mayan culture there & doesn't annoy anyone. Unfortunatly he doesn't fit in with any of the other list ones ways so isn't really connecting with anyone. to find a nice lady partner would be his dream but he says they all dream of getting to USA , pooh poohing the simple hippie life he believes in & lives. Thankyou again fellow readers for giving your advice & sharing anecdotes....
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timinghawaii
10/11/2016 14:59 EST
If he has no income, I would send him a little money every month via Western Union. It doesn't take much to live in Guatemala.
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souix
10/11/2016 20:50 EST
Yes I send him $500 a month. He never asks for more. He is grateful. I'm just sad because he doesn't connect with anyone because although bi lingual people he meets find him odd to like Guatemala & not WANT to return to his own country....
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cherokree
10/12/2016 14:28 EST
I think you should visit him, see what he loves about Guatemala and the lake. Some parts of Lake Atitlan are New Age centers for hippies. Drug use is rampant in some areas. Maybe he will get off drugs and just enjoy the Atitlan lifestyle. You could help him find his place in Atitlan with yoga, healing, meditation and the Mayan people. It isn't all about the drugs. He can be an effective global citizen.
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Rodrigo1974
10/14/2016 14:15 EST
if they have the financial means, hire a Godforsaken private investigator before he gets thrown into some hellhole of a prison and meets his death prematurely!
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souix
10/16/2016 19:42 EST
Cherokee.
Do you know of any nice people who live in Xela he might connect with? ESP any who rescue animals? He is good with four legged things!
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cherokree
10/17/2016 12:35 EST
No, sorry I do not, am not living in area right now. He can surely find volunteer opportunities, through Facebook groups or through Ideelist. I know there are many worthy groups that could use his intelligence and expertise.
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souix
10/19/2016 15:09 EST
The organizations all ask to see ID. He has none.
He lives in fear. Hence weed keeps him....alone & disconnected. Of course He doesn't see this.
That's what's so sad.
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cherokree
10/20/2016 21:37 EST
In my opinion, your son's ID isn't the problem, you could get letters of intro or a resume for him. He sounds depressed and I still think you should visit, talk (and help) him. i had a troubled son and we just really hung in there with him til he outgrew the drugs, and antisocial behaviors. Many friends advised us to cut ties but for us that wasn't the right answer. You seem like you really care. Don't give up.
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Lady
11/10/2016 23:07 EST
My son loves Guatemala, he has traveled back and forth from the US and he prefers the culture there. I went to visit him and truly enjoyed the experience as well as his sister on another occasion. I highly recommend you do the same. It will remove alot of the anxiety you are feeling and help you to better understand where he is at and why. Sign up for spirit airlines email and watch for the great fairs they have to Guatemala city. Have him pick you up or take a transportation van to your destination. You can also rent a car, get GPS and do some research on driving there. BTW is he self medicating?
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