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I'm struggling with the cultural differences!

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Maximumgirl
  1/30/2014 09:11 EST

I moved to Mobay a month ago from Canada with my Jamaican husband. He lived for 20 years in the US and 2 years in Canada, so it's safe to say we both have a very foreign mentality. Overall, I'm very happy here - I have a great house, my daughter is well adjusted at her new school, the weather is beautiful and I'm handling the super slow pace and bureaucratic bs. What I am struggling with is the male dominated culture and the way couples socialize!

We recently had a couple over. I had images of us having dinner, sitting around the couch drinking wine and talking, maybe playing cards... but no. My husband and his friend went into the yard for 4 hours while I was left to entertain his wife alone in the living room. This isn't how I was raised. My husband has a sort of "when in Rome" mentality, but I think I'll go crazy if I don't find some similar minded friends.

I would really like to find some expat friends... or in the very least similar couples who share our mentality. We are 40 years old, down to earth, with an 11 year old daughter.

Thanks
Rina

LoriB
  1/30/2014 09:35 EST

Welcome to Jamaica!

Don't take those kind of things personally. You will feel in your body a kind of friction between the culture you know and the one you are in that is mostly unfamiliar to you.

My advice is to hang back and observe a LOT, and then ask your husband questions about what you see. Also let him know what you are expecting/hoping for and ask if its possible, if HE is willing to help you get that. You could even tell him you need a female friend, can he help you find one?

It can be kind of lonely here, especially in the beginning. You have to be careful who you talk to and how much you tell them. Its good to have your own interests to keep busy with.

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Maximumgirl
  1/30/2014 09:45 EST

Is it crazy, I have my eyes peeled for Interracial couples at the Megamart or Fairview mall. Not quite sure how I'm going to approach them without seeming like a lunatic lol. Hoping I'll just see a kindred spirit in the wife, and that same look of confusion in her eyes:)

labellalife
  2/6/2014 10:06 EST

I've noticed this a lot as well. When I go, my boyfriend and I go out and he is always by my side, but I look around and most couples are not hanging out with each other. I wonder also if this will happen to us after I'm living there, I hope not! I'm also always in search for interracial looking couples, hoping to find a foreign girlfriend I can relate too, etc. This is one of the major reasons I joined this website, in hopes to find other girls moving or already living there. I've found that most Jamaican women don't open up as fast as women in other cultures, they are very reserved to let new people in, at least that has been my experience. I've been going to Jamaica for two years, about 10 trips, and it took about 5 visits before my boyfriend's sister and her girlfriends opened up to me. Please keep us posted as your situation in this matter evolves. Good luck!

Maximumgirl
  2/6/2014 10:54 EST

When I used to travel to Jamaica, my boyfriend, and then husband, was always by my side also. However, now that I live here it feels different. It's not that he's not attentive to me, and he doesn't go out to clubs and bars but... this is real life now. My husband is often at the garage working on the car, outside chatting with the guys etc... I know that I can't expect him to be with me 24/7 and I am a big girl but I just want us to be able to socialize together. Let me know when you get here lol.

Rina

LoriB
  2/10/2014 14:34 EST

Yes, its different. Your husband is enjoying what is familiar to him.

I have never met the women my bf's friends are with. I know the guys but I don't know their girls. Its more likely I would meet one of their children, lol.

On the plus side, my guy will take me places with him/his friends and I am welcome to stay with him. The guys seem to like it too.

If we go someplace unfamiliar to me, especially if there are a lot of people around, I just go off by myself and hold a little meditation while I feel out and observe the situation.

I am here in Jamaica now.

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ttsunshine
  2/19/2014 08:46 EST

Rina,
I have been going to JA for over 12 years. I've noticed it also that the men hang out together and you don't know where the women are. My way around it, is to make my face known around the neighborhood. I go to the cook shop, food shops, and even drop in for a beer at the bar by myself. In the early morning, I walk the local kids to school. Over time, the women come around. I'm not there long enough to develop deep relationships with them, but at least I can have a friendly conversation. I also suggest going to places - Doctor's Cave in Mobay on Sundays - where expats hang out. You will find women with similar issues who may also be looking for friends. good luck.

Maximumgirl
  2/20/2014 11:12 EST

While they don't have a lot in Jamaica for personal or professional development, they have a few organizations like Toastmasters and the Rotary Club. I've decided to join them so I can try and develop a network here. I'll keep you posted:)

Nellkay
  2/27/2014 14:36 EST

First thanks so much for sharing your experiences. Our target date to move to Jamaica is September this year. We need to do a few things here first (sell house, get rid of stuff etc, etc). I am married to a Jamaican man and we are moving back to his home area, which is Lucea. I would agree that the Jamaica ladies are harder to get to know but I think my husband did a good job of introducing me and encouraging me to hang out with them during our trips there over the last several years. I am used to him hanging with his friends sometimes I join in sometimes I don't. I haven't actually "lived" there, the longest I have been able to stay is 3 weeks so very glad this topic came up! I would love to connect to more people.

cloe018
  2/28/2014 10:37 EST

Congrats on your move. Wow I have not logged in for a while now. My sister is moving down in March and I soon after. We were born in Jamaica but raised in the U.S. We both feel that it will be hard to form friendships with females there because they don't seem to be open to new relationships. And you have to be very careful as well. I will definitely have to check out Doctors Cove when I get settled. We are both in our early 30s and want a more slower/simpler way of life. It would be nice to hopefully meet some of you once I get there. My sis likes to knit and is looking for a group in the Mobay area too. Lol, it feels like I'm putting out an add :}

JABound
  3/11/2014 08:11 EST

LOL. I have two little girls my friend and I have become endeared to who live across the street from Fairview Mall. I will be sure to invite you out for a cool drink next visit.

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Ambitiouslady
  3/11/2014 09:49 EST

Sounds great :)

Maximumgirl
  3/11/2014 18:57 EST

I live very close to Fairview, so please do!

And it's true, when you move here, you don't want to live in an Expat bubble - but at the same time, you can crave like minded company.

I've actually had a good month - made a few friends, joined the gym with my neighbour, joined Toastmasters and worked on my business. All in all, live is starting to come together.

dee2014
  3/27/2014 16:14 EST

So im currently living in the U.S and looking towards moving home possibly by end of the year. I am a single mother married but not if you understand that my 2 children and I are possibly going home in june however its more my home than theirs ...does anyone have any advice on the culture shock with children? Another thing my father was murdered last year so I went home and went again this year, i have friends there and some family support however our family business is struggling since his departure and im needed there.I dont have a degree I am 30 credits away howerever not enrolled. In jamaica its close to impossible to get a job without one, I am a citizen so im interested to know if I can get a job as an american on the island? Or is it better to go for the TRN ?Any recommendation on schools for american children?is that available? Is there an expat community there I can become apart of? Kingston will be my location

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