My advise is DON'T marry a Muslim. You will be giving up all freedoms. If thing don't work out you cannot divorce him. He owns you and you own nothing. Don't make the biggest mistake of your life.

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00abuse

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That would unbelievely unwise.

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00abuse

this is your first post so it's difficult to determine if it's for real
assuming it is, you are opening a can of worms here with that question especially as you provide no other information (your religon, your background, your relationship with the man [is it really love? eg], your willingness to start a new life in a far away land

what i can tell you in may many years in kuwait is that i have personally seen
1) marriages like this that worked
2) incidences where the woman left within a year
3) incidences where the woman assimilated yet maintained identity
and sadly, yes, i've seen it
4) american women who 'burqa up', get brainwashed and raise children who pray that their american grandparents become muslims

you really need to provide more info
to the board or to a few of us via PM.

congratulations. or should i say good luck?

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00abuse

I do know there is a difference between the Muslim sects. Yes, you need to provide more info before we can give you an educated reply. Best of luck to you.

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00abuse

Unless you are a Muslim woman who has been raised in the religion, this is so ill-advised! Kuwaiti men are one way when they want to woo you, and entirely another when they have married you. Whether or not your relationship remains strong, you will have the following problems:

1. You will be expected to dress "as a conservative muslim" woman. This may mean only a hijab (hair and neck covering) with long sleeves and skirt to the floor, or it could mean an abaya complete with nicab (veil), gloves, and socks so no skin shows in public (or at home if other than immediate family is there). This includes the 140 degree summer weather, when you eat in public, and when you wish you could wear a winter coat or hooded jacket.

2. You will be expected to have as many children as you can pop out, even though some of them are likely to have "special educational needs" or "special health impairments" due to the horrendous inbreeding already a part of the gene pool here.

3. You will have to raise the kids as Muslims, even if you remain Christian in your heart.

4. They will have to speak Arabic, even if that means you can't understand them. Some American woman here are forced to learn a very difficult language just to get the gist of what their kids are saying. Some of the American kids are allowed to speak English in the home, and others are not.

5. Your children cannot leave the country without the express written permission of their father, even if you are divorced. Most Amer-arab kids don't ever get to visit America for fear they would prefer to live there instead of in an Arab country.

6. Kuwaiti children treat Amer-arab kids badly. Like mixed-race American kids, they don't belong in the American or English children group of kids and don't belong in the Kuwaiti children groups. They are often bullied, alienated, and find no friends except if they are lucky enough to find another Amer-arab their age who they like. There is lots of serious depression in teenagers here, especially with mixed nationality kids.

7. If you divorce, you will still have to live in Kuwait unless the children's father says they can move to America with you. Don't expect him to do that. It is highly discouraged by the culture, customs, and national religion. So, any way you cut it, if you marry and move here you are stuck here for the rest of your life, even if you hate it (and many do).

This is a far more serious decision than you may think it to be. It should not be viewed as a marvelous adventure of living in a far away land and getting to embrace a new culture and customs. You will not be accepted into the Kuwaiti culture no matter what you do or how you dress and act. You will always be an outsider. His parents will always wish you weren't his wife or their grandchildren's mother. You will be talked around, over, behind as though you weren't there or were a small child. No matter what he tells you will happen, this is the reality. And don't think that all Kuwaitis are rich. Only a small portion of the families have money. The vast number of them are struggling to make ends meet and must work. You, on the other hand, would probably not be allowed to work unless it was in an American school as an assistant (or teacher if you have the credentials) because 90% of the jobs here require reading and writing Arabic (one of the most difficult languages in the world).

THINK first!!!!! What you do in one moment of "love" and "passion" will have a negative effect on your entire life!!!!!

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00abuse

Unless you are a Muslim woman who has been raised in the religion, this is so ill-advised! Kuwaiti men are one way when they want to woo you, and entirely another when they have married you. Whether or not your relationship remains strong, you will have the following problems:

1. You will be expected to dress "as a conservative muslim" woman. This may mean only a hijab (hair and neck covering) with long sleeves and skirt to the floor, or it could mean an abaya complete with nicab (veil), gloves, and socks so no skin shows in public (or at home if other than immediate family is there). This includes the 140 degree summer weather, when you eat in public, and when you wish you could wear a winter coat or hooded jacket.

2. You will be expected to have as many children as you can pop out, even though some of them are likely to have "special educational needs" or "special health impairments" due to the horrendous inbreeding already a part of the gene pool here.

3. You will have to raise the kids as Muslims, even if you remain Christian in your heart.

4. They will have to speak Arabic, even if that means you can't understand them. Some American woman here are forced to learn a very difficult language just to get the gist of what their kids are saying. Some of the American kids are allowed to speak English in the home, and others are not.

5. Your children cannot leave the country without the express written permission of their father, even if you are divorced. Most Amer-arab kids don't ever get to visit America for fear they would prefer to live there instead of in an Arab country.

6. Kuwaiti children treat Amer-arab kids badly. Like mixed-race American kids, they don't belong in the American or English children group of kids and don't belong in the Kuwaiti children groups. They are often bullied, alienated, and find no friends except if they are lucky enough to find another Amer-arab their age who they like. There is lots of serious depression in teenagers here, especially with mixed nationality kids.

7. If you divorce, you will still have to live in Kuwait unless the children's father says they can move to America with you. Don't expect him to do that. It is highly discouraged by the culture, customs, and national religion. So, any way you cut it, if you marry and move here you are stuck here for the rest of your life, even if you hate it (and many do).

This is a far more serious decision than you may think it to be. It should not be viewed as a marvelous adventure of living in a far away land and getting to embrace a new culture and customs. You will not be accepted into the Kuwaiti culture no matter what you do or how you dress and act. You will always be an outsider. His parents will always wish you weren't his wife or their grandchildren's mother. You will be talked around, over, behind as though you weren't there or were a small child. No matter what he tells you will happen, this is the reality. And don't think that all Kuwaitis are rich. Only a small portion of the families have money. The vast number of them are struggling to make ends meet and must work. You, on the other hand, would probably not be allowed to work unless it was in an American school as an assistant (or teacher if you have the credentials) because 90% of the jobs here require reading and writing Arabic (one of the most difficult languages in the world).

THINK first!!!!! What you do in one moment of "love" and "passion" will have a negative effect on your entire life!!!!!

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00abuse

my reaction to the last post started out as laughter then shock at anyone helping expats adjust to kuwait as the poster wrote in their profile would have so many false beliefs about kuwait
sigh
i'm not a kuwait apologist and things can get very ugly here but in rebuttal based on almost 20 years here
1) ah, sorry, american wives don't have to dress any which way
2) expected to have kids? that's what got me really laughing. most younger generation kuwaitis know children COST MONEY.
3) children do get the religon of their father and islam is taught in schools including to non-muslims, but raising your kids is your business
4) my kids speak more arabic than i do sure, but as their momma you'd damn well be sure they talk to me in my language
5) 'express written permission' WTF - ah, again, no, their passports are in my safe - airports never ask for 'express written permission' - you gotta laugh...
6) mmmmm, not quite, but bullying does occur - in kuwait - in the usa - everywhere really
7) kuwait family law is extremely complex and many laws are not uniformly applied so it's best to consult a kuwaiti family law attorney for specific or general knowledge on this
the last poster goes on to say that you'll always be an outsider, hated by your mother in law, yaddy, yaddy, my god! Perhaps they should know my mother in law gave me gold for Eid (yesterday) and said i was better than her son (my husband).
yep, this be a can a worms, al right

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00abuse

oh and one other thing,
yes, i started out as a 'teacher asisteant' last century even though i had teaching credentials - now i have my own business (and didn't need my husband's permission to start it or operate it)

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00abuse

That's what's so great about this forum: we all have a right to our own opinion! While some of us don't demean those who disagree with us and others do, I can name twenty American women with stories about which I wrote. You are one. I'm glad you are a happy one. The original poster can judge if she likes 20 to 1 odds or not. She's allowed her opinion, too. Now she has many opionions on which to build her own.

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00abuse

ok..heres a few more details about my situation..i am 23 years old and i american and have lived here all my life. The plan is to come to kuwait and marry him and pending his visa he will follow me to america...i just dont know alot of details and very concerned because i do not want to come over there and not have everything together.

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00abuse

Yes, this could turn into a war here. I agree with inq8since91 both because I know her personally and because I've never found her advice to be wrong.

Majestic, there is only one person here that can tell you what you should do. You. If you are comfortable with this man, trust this man and want to spend your life with him where you live shouldn't matter.

I followed mine half way across the world, twice, and do not regret a moment of it. I'd do it again and hope that I get the opportunity to. But no one can dictate what the future will hold. It's not always in our hands.

Majestic, what is to stop him from applying for an American VISA now? Aren't they good for 6 months? That should give you plenty of time to come to Kuwait and marry him and then make your plans to return to the USA. If he is truly interested in coming here as he promised you then he should have no problem with doing that. That should alleviate those concerns.

I notice that other Muslim or American women aren't commenting. Perhaps Kharden could put you in contact with others that she claims are unhappy and didn't have things work out for them to help you make a better informed decision.

I think there is a lot of prejudice and mistrust on the part of Americans for Middle Easterners. I do not believe it is based on fact. I understand the suspicion and mistrust and have been guilty of it myself. But just because 1 person or 20 have negative experiences that doesn't mean that you will. Majestic, you need to understand that.

When I was there I needed some legal advice. My husband and I went to an attorney there. He was American and had fallen in love with a Kuwaiti woman. He married her. This was in the 80's. He's very happy. They have a family and he has his legal practice. It was enlightening.

I was also told don't talk to men because I was a female. Don't talk to Pakistanis or Indians, they're not as good as you. Maybe I march to a different drummer but I did what I wanted to do. I talked to them, had coffee with them (yes I always included my husband) and even arranged a dinner with a bunch of mixed nationality peoples and expats at the Hilton with an Indian man. I remain in contact with most of those people today even though I am back stateside.

Don't let one person who doesn't offer proof, Majestic, color how you run your own life. Do what you think is right.

Best of luck to you. Please let me know how it turns out.

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00abuse

I have to say that I was shocked at some of the things that were brought up but I do know that there have been some good & bad experiences by American or any other foreign women that are/were married to a Muslim man happen here in Kuwait. I too have countless friends that have shared their stories with me & I've seen 1st hand. People here are like people anywhere else in the world. My 1st huband was American & he was very abusive & controlling. I'm afraid, this choice you have to make is entirely yours.

But, you didn't state what your fiance's nationality is. I'd say that has a lot to do with it. 1st of all, Kuwaiti men don't care about the American nationality. They get so many benefits from their government for being a Kuwaiti. So, I'm assuming that your fiance isn't a Kuwaiti. Take care that this Muslim man isn't marrying you just to get the green card or the American nationality.

Good luck dear!

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00abuse

I can't believe some of the biassed opinions on here!
Shocking.

First and foremost, you never asked what kind of advice you wanted. Maybe you just want advice on how life is in Kuwait or what to expect out of the culture? How presumptuous of some.

My advice is to collect perspectives from those who have direct experience. If you would like me to introduce you to other American women married to Kuwaiti (or moslem) men here in Kuwait, write to me. Also get in touch with the American Women's League.

I've been here for 14 years. Maybe I can help answer some questions.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.

amerab@gmail.com

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00abuse

Uh yeah, you CAN get divorced. Contact any lawyer in Kuwait and he/she will tell you how.

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00abuse

Amen, Amerab, good advice as always. :)

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00abuse

I am so surprise of such remark!!!!

I am a Muslim married to an American lady for 10 years from Boston, Mrs. Helen P. Jarest and we had wonderful life. after that I had to be in another country (Saudi Arabia) and she did not want to loose her career and we get divorced in a Muslim court in 10 minutes, she did not own me and I did not own her! I am so astonished of such hard remarks.

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00abuse

It is so funny the way you describe how she will end up!!!! I have no Idea why you are doing that???

I am a Ph.D man, Muslim was married to an American lady for ten years where we were like love birds, you are giving an ugly picture about Muslims!! If I want to do like you when people ask me about Americans then I will say they Kill Iraqis and Afghanis nicely and quietly unless some incidents like Abo Ghareeb prison pups up. Right? come on why you think you are more civilized than us? what a shame.

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00abuse

Is that you Deb?

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00abuse

Yes, Ghassan it is I. :)

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00abuse

Hello,
Hope i am not late
All the messages that you received is not a help,
You need a help from someone who is already in Kuwait and know the country will and willing to help you out checking the back ground of the person that you are coming to marry, and if the information that he told you is true or fales
my question is did you meet this guy before or only on the phone or chating, you should be carefull
American can receive visa up on arrival at kuwait airport,
i will be glad to help you as have lot of contacts here and have been in Kuwait quite a while, i am for real and ready to help
note: i am an airline expert & can help you out with planing for your trip and give you good advice
Wish you luck

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00abuse

Mark has a good point. However, I have been in Kuwait and I know of several others that post on this forum that are either there, presently, or were there, previously.

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00abuse

Hi Majestic... wanted to give another 2cents.
I'm american woman who did similar to what ur post said, came from US to marry hubby 9/09, came here to live last yr with hubby. I'm convert and never had stepped foot in Middle east until 09, so very much culture shock!
It is not as bad as some of the posters say though, my situation,
Be careful yes and for sure make sure everything is legit. If you can have someone you trust call and talk with the guy very frankly and find out about him and what he is after, have him checked out if possible, you really never know unless you know his close family or a trusted friend who can honestly give you his facts.
Alot of guys are interested in US passports, and will lie through thier teeth to get it. be aware.
I moved here for past 8 mths and I'm a convert so aspect of raising kids as muslim is no prob. Yes dressing modestly would be wise, I wear abaya and hijab, but guys here are crazy for girls, even old ones.
No not all arab guys are the same, as for any guys are not all the same.
Its not bad living here, but you will get a couped up feeling, try to find as many friends for you as possible to get out and about often.
Not sure if I'm helping but you can info me if you want to talk more.

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00abuse