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Finding the ideal partner, age difference

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ACEPoolPlayer
  10/13/2014 07:44 EST

Someone posted a topic regarding finding a Filipina with or without children. Some people may want to find someone with children, but the majority of foreigners would prefer someone without younger dependent children (whether in the Philippines or anywhere else in the world). Majority of the people on this forum are between 50-70 years old. Not all, just the majority. Ideally you'd want to find someone over 30 or a little closer to your age. It's difficult to find someone over 30 without children. It's definitely possible but I'd say 90%-95% of women over 30 on websites have children. It's not impossible but it's probably a little easier to have a successful relationship if someone didn't have dependent children from a previous relationship. My guess is that when a foreigner finds a nice, honest Filipina without children of any age they jump on the opportunity. Filipinas can make great wives and mothers.

Singlelooking
  10/13/2014 10:03 EST

Philipinas can can be had a lot younger than 30!

I've dated 4 in the month that I've been here in Cebu and NOT ONE! Has reached the age of thirty. So that premise that you have now tried to inject twice into MY survey I most certainly disagree with.

Please go do your own survey and don't try to force your opinions (which I've proven wrong) into the survey I'M doing.

I want people's free opinion and feelings Not yours, cause you try to answer every single question like if you were some kind of ultimate authority...

YOU ARE NOT.
Opinions are like belly bottons: every body has one!

So no more injecting THE WRONG INFO INTO THIS (my) SURVEY!

Here's one more time the unbiased question:

to those of you who have found "that special someone" that you want to keep.

The special girl you found, did she have children before you found her or not?

Simple question

Optional: if you want to say your age and your girlfriends age, please do so...

But only if you would like to. it's optional.
Thank you for your answers

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TonyMay
  10/13/2014 13:09 EST

You can find Filipina without kids up 30's my WifeyKo had no kids and was in early 30's but I tend to feel the older the lady is the more chance she has of having at least 1 kid, either from being widow or having had a boyfriend in the past, but you can still meet a strong no sex before marriage type that will have had no kids. I am glad someone has opened this as a separate question without sticking it in the middle of someone else's question.
My reason was I was unsure I could take on someone else's kids so decided to start fresh, but did not want someone younger than my kids from my 1st marriage just personal wish.

standupguy
  10/13/2014 16:13 EST

Well said ACEPoolPlayer.

I was 68 and my wife was 45 when we were married. Middle-aged women have more life experience & maturity. We both had kids although mine is on her own now. My wife's daughter lost her father when she was age 4; she is 9 now. I'm her replacement father figure, and enjoy it. Her full time caregivers are the age of my daughter. It makes a nice & happy extended family for me.

ACEPoolPlayer
  10/14/2014 05:06 EST

singlelooking,
"Philipinas can can be had a lot younger than 30!" "I have dated 4 in the month that I've been here in Cebu and NOT ONE!" I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are trying to say. I was only stating that that the majority of the single women in the Philippines over the age of 30 have at least one child from a previous relationship. Majority meaning over 50% (although probably 90% is more realistic).

ACEPoolPlayer
  10/14/2014 05:25 EST

I understand many people are excited about meeting very young ladies for potential marriage. As poochewer has mentioned several times before very young may be great as a trophy wife but in reality those of us that have experience will tell you great age differences in age eventually can cause a lot of problems also. I understand someone who has been in the Philippines for a few months may think they are an expert and given the opportunity to marry someone much younger than themselves is utopia. It certainly has it's advantages but in the long run if it was possible it would be much better if you were able to find someone within 10-20 years of your own age and over 30. After many years of experience at least that was my initial goal. Of course the biggest problems that you encounter with a young wife are immaturity, experience and lack of understanding of real problems in life.

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CAteacher
  10/14/2014 12:48 EST

I have to agree with every word you wrote Ace. I have a twenty year gap, and it works well, but we are both conscious of it's advantages and disadvantages. I wouldn't suggest pushing beyond the twenty-year mark.

sherwood
  10/14/2014 13:33 EST

I agree. The gap is less than 20 years for me, but close to that and I would not go beyond 20 years unless you are over 80.

antiqueron
  10/14/2014 15:29 EST

People mature at different rates and some never do. At 20 years old I was 40 from my experiences. Some of the girls are that way also.

probertp
  10/15/2014 04:30 EST

I met my soon-to-be wife in an internet chat site. I am 66, she is 35. She has 3 children, 21, 16, 13, all of whom are exceptional students and wonderful kids.

She was "married" at age 13, left her no-good "husband" 5 years before we met. She was the sole support for 3 kids.

She never asked me for money. I had to ask her if she needed help. Even then she might say no.

I flew there to meet, only meet, her twice. After that we stayed together in my hotel.

I move there to be with her next week.

My only advice is take your time. Get to know each other. And if she loves your money more than you, move on.

peter7
  10/15/2014 10:07 EST

Age has little to do with it . I met my Filipino Wife in UK . We got married on the white beaches of the Philippines four years ago . I am still an active International Business Man and My Wife a Nurse in UK. I am just 70yrs old and My Wife is 38yrs old .
She maybe the only Filipino that I know who has NOT,NOT ripped a Foreigner off !!!!

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antiqueron
  10/15/2014 11:22 EST

well my wife is number two. Generalities always get one in trouble. God makes all us different with our experiences.

poochewer
  10/15/2014 13:37 EST

I don't know how long you couples have been together, but I notice there are a few out there that think everything is fine after only a couple of years or so. How would you know in that short time. All the Filipinas that " ripped me off" and revealed their true selves, did it after about 10 yrs or so!
Don't get me wrong. I sincerely wish you all well in your marriages, but saying something like "my wife is the best, she'll never rip me off, could be jumping the gun a bit.
We all thought we knew, until we didn't.

CAteacher
  10/15/2014 13:56 EST

Peter7, I can say with great assurance that there are many other Philippinas both abroad and in the Philippines who are trustworthy, loving, and faithful partners. I know half-a-dozen successful marriages in my little area of California. However, as is often said here, proceed slowly and with caution. There are many Filipinas on on both sides of the ocean who are easily available but who can make you rue the day you met them. It's not all that different with the women you will find in your own country is it?

brslomo
  10/16/2014 20:32 EST

CATeacher,

I believe there is a difference. When a country and it's economy reach a certain level of success and sophistication, the women generally decide that they no longer need to get married in order to get what they want out of life. The U.S., Japan, and Korea are examples which come to mind. In all three countries you will find men casting their nets in country such as the Philippines to find a loving and devoted life partner. However, in one or two generations, the Philippines may be a country where an educated woman can earn enough my working in her own country that she will have need neither to go abroad nor to look for a foreign husband.

CAteacher
  10/16/2014 23:01 EST

brslomo. I won't argue with you at all with regard to what is "generally" true. That said, when I met my wife on line, she had already earned a BS in Engineering, was leading a large Japanese manufacturing company near Manila, and was earning more than she does now in the US. She also owned several pieces of real estate in the Philippines, each of which is worth more than my little Cali bungalow. I am not saying this to brag, but to make the point that many women marry for love, the promise of a family, and perhaps a bit of adventure. there could even be a few poor women who marry for reasons beyond than money. Just perhaps.

ACEPoolPlayer
  10/17/2014 09:15 EST

I agree generalizations are difficult and there are always exceptions but in this case I stand by my statement. I have known at least 100 foreigners married to Filipinas, Probably many more than that because I lived in an area that had a large foreign population in the Philippines. I myself have been married before. My first wife was from a very wealthy Filipino family and was of the same age as myself (we are still friends partially because we share a child who is currently a freshman in NYU after living his first 18 years in the Philippines with my first wife's family). My current (and last) wife is 25 years my junior. She comes from a honest poor nice family in Leyte. They were farmers who worked hard to send their children to college. She graduated from an exclusive school / college and worked in Manila 5 years before I met her. There are of course advantages for both situations. Generally I'd say you're better off trying to marry someone within 20 years of your own age. My wife is great. I'm very happy but there are many difficulties also. I'm sure as I age the difficulties will get enhanced. My intentions were to find someone closer to my age but it just happened this way. No regrets but I'd still say to my own friends try to find someone closer to your own age (ideally maybe 10-15, no more than 20).

parker
  10/17/2014 11:47 EST

Or follow the half-your-age-plus-seven rule.

chance2013
  10/20/2014 12:41 EST

I know of a woman who is 46 years old and ripping off my friend in a big way age has nothing to do with it if she is rip off merchant she is a ripoff merchant whatever her age. We have a massive age gap she is very mature into country music not into clubs and bars bit old fashioned I suppose. My thoughts are if you are with someone ten years how can you foresee a scammer who will wait 10 years before they rip you off??????

standupguy
  10/20/2014 21:42 EST

Scammers cannot have self-consistency, and (therefor) play contradictory roles with ease. Western scammers are sometimes called antisocial personality disorders (or worse). The RP has their share of these exploitative opportunists too. In some cases, the 'rip off' is used for an exit strategy
That applies everywhere though.

Singlelooking
  10/21/2014 01:30 EST

I was amazed in the "survey" I just did with you guys,thank you all who responded, that most of you who have already found the ideal partner; by far most women chosen as keepers had no children!
I say amazed because so many girls I've met have had two children. And these girls were 19-29 yrs. Only one virgin in the lot.
Another notable thing was that none had any reservation about going out with someone who could be their father or grandfather.
Maturity varied greatly but had nothing to do with their age.
So to me, if you are limiting yourself here, to picking out someone AS YOUNG AS YOU WANT, you're limiting yourself for no good reason.

Obviously if you don't look good,the percentages are going to favor those who do.
However that said, keep in mind that you don't need ten women, all you are effectively looking for is one. So even if you fail 15 times if you land ONE that's all you need.I just wanted to throw out there that word of encouragement to all the guys who like me are still looking for the "the one"
Our "man" value (total) not just money, here, in this country is miles above any western country where women wouldn't give many of us, the time of day.Here we are a nuance,taller, richer and the new flavor of the week!
I see it in the way women treat me here makes me feel great. And I'm exactly the same guy...or am I ???

probertp
  10/21/2014 04:29 EST

"White" is seen as intelligent and rich. It is almost worshipped! Many take glutathione to be white, or want to.

But you are correct in what you say. Filipinas with kids no longer trust filipino men. They see them as unfaithful and, to some, lazy drunks. Many of the women I met have been abused.

Yes, you can be scammed. So take your time! I met my fiancee 3 times for total 12 weeks before I proposed. She and her family are wonderful.

Take your time guys! If she always asks for money for clothes, jewelry, etc, watch out!

probertp
  10/21/2014 04:29 EST

"White" is seen as intelligent and rich. It is almost worshipped! Many take glutathione to be white, or want to.

But you are correct in what you say. Filipinas with kids no longer trust filipino men. They see them as unfaithful and, to some, lazy drunks. Many of the women I met have been abused.

Yes, you can be scammed. So take your time! I met my fiancee 3 times for total 12 weeks before I proposed. She and her family are wonderful.

Take your time guys! If she always asks for money for clothes, jewelry, etc, watch out!

IvanG
  11/17/2014 10:22 EST

My 2 Cents, I have a thing for Asian girls. Am now 56, was married 2 great kids from my nice jewish wife. Own call center selling ink and toner in LA. Decided to come to PH. Immediately went crazy for all the young girls. At 47 I fell for a crazy 18 yr old hs dropout with a ton charm and a hot body. Was with her till 26 when she left me to go have that baby she had to have. As you said we are mostly 50plus. Many of us have kids, my problem is I do not want more and I don't want someone elses. After the last one. I amazingly found a beauty of 28 childless and claimed she didn't want any as she was the ate of a 10 kid family and she had enough of being a mother. Heaven I thought if she is telling the truth. I stayed with her 1.5 years. Her personality and mine did not mix well. I love the young one's. But if you want young, take them at 19 and lease for 3 to 4 years and turn them back in with plenty of erotic capitol left in them so they can find a nice guy. Then take another. If you take someone with no kids 28 to 33 her clock is ticking, if she has no kids she is going to want them. If you want to be a late father again go ahead. Otherwise rent with the option to return to sender eventually. I have never meet a filipina that was normal who did not want a kid. That pretty much goes for any woman. She wants a kid so there is someone to take care of her when you die early because your 20 or 30 years older. JMHO

lancelotlinc
  11/17/2014 11:19 EST

In my opinion, age is less important than quality.

When shopping, one should look for someone who will be a good complement to you. If you can't cook, look for someone who can cook.

Think of fiance support as an investment. Some investments can be good, some not so good. Just because you send x hundred dollars per month, don't get the feeling of ownership. Daily skyping and being introduced to her extended family should provide a good indicator of the future.

Visit often. Finding and marrying a Filipina wife is not a low-cost proposition. You need to be prepared to invest significant resources : time, effort, energy and financial capital in order to be successful. Not all investments will be good ones.

If you want low-cost, stick to dating and marrying your American women. The reason many American women are not marriage material any longer is due to the influence the liberalization of women has had on the American culture.

There are many articles about the virtues of Pinays. Do some reading to understand these. Just because the average wage in PH is much less than USA doesn't mean the Pinays are valued that much less. In my opinion, Pinays are more highly valued than any other culture. Traditional conservative Pinays especially.

The same rules apply however. If you don't want a bar girl, don't date or marry a bar girl. My Filipina wife tells me : you can take the girl out of the bar, but you cannot take the bar out of the girl.

If you want a good wife, look for a good girl. If you want a good wife, don't date a bad girl.

As for kids, they are a blessing. I hope to have a dozen more. I'm in my mid-50s now. If I live to 70, I hope to have toddlers running around. This may not be you. Its ok if not. IvanG has it right : Filipinas have the same body clock that any other woman has.


Hope this helps.
Lance

IvanG
  11/17/2014 11:49 EST

just curious, you want a dozen more. Are you a millionaire who can die and leave enough cash to put a dozen kids through college? How about leaving them fatherless? Living in LA with their crappy public schools, meant I spent about 500k on each of my two kids with private school and top colleges from start to finish. They are a blessing, but financially draining if you going to give them all of life's advantages.

lancelotlinc
  11/17/2014 12:51 EST

Those are great questions IvanG.

Here are some resources that may help :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roth_401(k)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/College_Savings_Plans_Network

http://www.uesp.org/

250k life insurance : 16 per month

https://www.metlife.com/campaign/search/branded/index.html?WT.srch=1&WT.mc_id=cs286118&pagefrom=MLPS_life-insurance&u=62855330-vq6-58600761804-vq16-c


Private schools are one option, home schooling is another. Los Angeles is the most expensive ISD on the West coast.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Beka_Book


The military offers tuition assistance matching your $1

http://www.marforres.marines.mil/GeneralSpecialStaff/MarineCorpsCommunityServices/MarineFamilyServices/LifelongLearingCenter/TuitionAssistance.aspx

https://www.navycollege.navy.mil/ta_info.aspx

CAteacher
  11/17/2014 13:51 EST

Lance, your wife is a wise woman.

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