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Money. What it is now. What will it be?

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adamxpaulx
  1/31/2016 23:52 EST

Hello all,
I'm a 29 year old American male moving to the Subic Bay area in April of this year. I am currently in a long distance relationship relationship with a Filipina for a year now and everything has been swell thus far.
I've read many views, opinions and pieces of advice to men in relationships with Filipinas and always seem to come full circle to the topic of money. That we should be prepared to be hit up by family for money for every conceivable excuse under the sun. That friends and family could put our wives or significant others under pressure for handouts.
At this point in our relationship, a year later, she has NEVER asked me for money or implied she needs "help". Her parents own their own little shop and her and all her siblings are employed. So, it SEEMS that everything is on the level. Like money isn't an issue. My question is, once I arrive there, should I expect this veneer of stability to fade away? Or can I start to relax a little? It seems I've already had to be a little stern on some boundaries thus fur. But, thats ok. They're respected. I would just hate to add this seemingly common issue to the list of boundaries I'll have to hammer down on.

chance2014
  2/1/2016 08:15 EST

If you don't mind me asking how will you support yourself for the rest of your long life here?
As for your gf and her family so far so good I would say. Just see what happens when you are here with them. I would not recommend you live with them tho. You will eventually be asked to help a sick relative or some other emergency real or not it happens. Subic area is nice I liked it a lot. But I didn't like Olongopo lots of rude street kids didn't like walking through town at night too many young guys hanging around and really stare at you I didn't like it. A few girly bars around so bar girls are around. Don't get involved with them at all not a good scene at all. Good luck moving here, bit don't come here thinking its anything like USA its not at all, it can be a dangerous place and you should not trust anyone. Never tell anyone how much money you earned in us they will think you are rich and so many will want to relieve you of your money. This place is great in so many ways but not for the naieve or the soft touch be very aware all the time

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standupguy
  2/1/2016 09:45 EST

Adam...things are always different in the early stage of a relationship and that can fade some and then sprout new blooms depending on the couple. Love is imperfect - now money is culturally different here in the Feelippines. I have a different take on giving money to the family here. I support my wife's niece for the past 5 years and 2 other nieces and a cousin along the was. I have given money to my sister in-law who struggles to support 2 kids on a poverty wage. I have paid for 3 sets of False teeth. One sisters bf knocked her's out when he was drunk. The others had accidents,no tooth brushes or tooth paste. There were many clothing and shoes bought. I have only a small pension, but many people here live on only $1 a day. I give when there is a legit need. It's not a feeding frenzy like some posts say. They don't treat me like an ATM, but when a 15 year old is kicked out on the street with nothing, I step up to help out. Pinoy families will expel a family member for what seems to me as a very ridiculous small misspeak or disagreement. My wife was thrown out at 13 and had made her own way on her own until we hooked up. So consider giving money judiciously. But give. Remember nothing comes to a closed hand.

charkee
  2/1/2016 10:18 EST

My Pinay wife was kicked out of the house at 13 because she caught her mom in bed with her cousin (the mother's nephew)

She's been struggling all of her life until she met me. She never asked for money and is an efficient manager.

She was raised in a manner to never let her feelings show and I believe this had a lot to do with her many past health issues. I can see she has healed broken bones from the beatings.

She can express her feelings now, but with her siblings it's like hitting the wall when emotional issues are spoken of. It seems that Filipinos generally do not know how to handle conflict, so they avoid it and don't resolve issues or get you from behind.

I had an argument with a Pinoy and he ended up looking like a fool. It was devastating for him and his wife, parents, aunts and uncles. It's been a year and he avoids me at all cost. But he did hack my FB and email as his way of getting back. I exposed that too and doubled the humiliation.

Really it was not that big a deal by western standards, but he lost face and publicly so.

I learned not to debate or argue with them, if 1+1=5 then just let it be as long as it doesn't affect me. But my wife can be reasoned with.

I believe that is one of the major reasons the Phils are the way they are.

catabisis
  2/1/2016 16:26 EST

Chance2014 is the best advice given for new guys. I would add, as given to me, leave you western sympathies, empathizes, and logic at home. A lot of it does not apply here. Also, not everyone smiling at you is your friend.

catabisis
  2/1/2016 16:43 EST

How in hell did you get your FB hacked?

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minocqua
  2/1/2016 17:30 EST

great post's .

standupguy
  2/1/2016 22:48 EST

catabisis - my FB hacked because of mo comments about Muslim extremism . After the Paris attacks there were many comments blaming the west, praising intolerant Islam. In the comments section there are hackers advertising, po_m malware, fake employment add malware. Some of this directed at me also because of my pro-Duterte comments. They changed my password and security question. It took extensive documentation emailed to FB before they would put up my account again. Hackers advertise their services on Utube too. It's a jungle out there.

standupguy
  2/1/2016 22:59 EST

catabisis - I beg to differ. What chance says may apply in some situations where people are greedy but not DESPERATE . I pick and choose by my humanitarian principles which I never leave behind. If you do that then you are a hypocrit. Just not my style. Yes there are some sh_t eating grins, but haven't gotten one of those in 4 years. People rarely smile at me in Canada. Everybody kept at a distance - cold fish approach. Just an attempt at dominance. The smiles I get are always polite and welcoming . Sometimes I get sparkling eye flashes too from the pretty ladies. I like those the best.

standupguy
  2/1/2016 23:04 EST

charkee, Right on.

adamxpaulx
  2/1/2016 23:05 EST

Thank you chance and all of you here.
To answer your question about how I plan to support myself while I'm there, at the moment I have 2 incomes. I am an English Tutor & Student Aide. I have several regular and dedicated students that generate between $850-$900 USD a month. I can and have taken this job with me before. I'm not tied down to any specific location. My second income will be from working at a language center in the SBMA. My income there will be meager compared to US standards but I will be receiving a higher wage than the average employee there. I anticipate receiving about 16k-18k a month there. I will also be arriving with a chunk of cash savings, bonds about to mature and a sweet upward trend in a foreign exchange portfolio. I plan on playing that for awhile.

As far as any delusions or preconceived notions I've had about the Philippines go, those are out the window. I've been to and lived in devoloping nation before and I've experienced being looked at like a walking money bag even though I was making barely enough to get by.
I've known quite a few Filipinos too and I get the gist of their 'culture'.
My main issue right now is anxiety. As the days to my departure get closer and closer, I find myself over analyzing and panicking about things I've already put myself at ease about in my preparations. I honestly believe I have a good woman and I like to think she's been nothing but honest with me about all aspects of her life to this point. I've just read and heard so many horror stories about this money/family situation that it lingers in the back of my mind. I ask myself,"Am I so naive or ignorant not to see any deception here?"
Anyway, I could go on for days. I would really like to find someone here who wouldn't mind having a Skype chat sometime so I can get schooled on some of the finer points.

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William Russell's private medical insurance will cover you and your family wherever you may be. Whether you need primary care or complex surgery, you'll have access to the best hospitals & doctors available. Unlike some insurers, we also include medical evacuation and mental health cover in our plans (except SilverLite). Get a quote from our partner, William Russell.

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William Russell's private medical insurance will cover you and your family wherever you may be. Whether you need primary care or complex surgery, you'll have access to the best hospitals & doctors available. Unlike some insurers, we also include medical evacuation and mental health cover in our plans (except SilverLite). Get a quote from our partner, William Russell.
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catabisis
  2/2/2016 01:41 EST

Thanks, standup guy. I don't have FB. I view YOuTube a lot. Thanks for the head's up

catabisis
  2/2/2016 01:41 EST

Thanks, standup guy. I don't have FB. I view YOuTube a lot. Thanks for the head's up

LarryKar
  2/2/2016 01:46 EST

Maybe I am just not in the "in crowd" but how does one get scammed on You Tube. I go there when I remember some old song that I'm sure not going to hear in the radio here. How does that open you up to scammers? Just curious if I am missing something.

chance2014
  2/2/2016 06:06 EST

One thing I will say is have an escape plan and enough money to get home, just in case it does go belly up here. Don't tell ANYONE your plan or how much you have saved. You seem quite savvy my guess is you will be ok, but it does take some time to settle completely good luck mate.

adamxpaulx
  2/2/2016 06:28 EST

I intend to have one set up for myself. An escape plan that is. And as far as trekking people what that plan is or how much money I have, I've barely even told anyone here stateside. Even those closest never know I've been working and saving and making all sorts of moves for years now. Only my immediate family knows my plans and financial status at the moment. Even my girlfriend only knows so much. I'm a pretty private person to begin with.

And, as far as adjusting. . . Can't wait. * rolls eyes *

adamxpaulx
  2/2/2016 06:42 EST

Also, I'm looking for someone that's over there already that wouldn't mind chatting with me on Skype to school me on some of the finer points of living as an expat there. I feel like no matter how much I've prepared myself there's a million things that I haven't been able to satisfactorily put myself at ease with. Answers to questions that even Google couldn't give me.

standupguy
  2/2/2016 06:55 EST

US dollars go a long way here. Canadian loonies worth 59 cents American.

JPH
  2/2/2016 19:40 EST

Agree with Chance2014. Do not commit yourself until you really experience a full-time posting (Ok -Living, LOL!!) experience here. Yes, it is an 'adventure' and can be scary as one looks for support and someone to share one's findings !!!There are so many factors, personal, cultural, and administrative which one needs to adjust to. The administrative one's I guarantee will drive you nuts - You will be asking 'Why ?' and realize that 'Why' simply creates a new barrel of frustrating-worms as you try to work it out. Best idea is follow what the Filipino's do or you will be left at the Starting Gate. At least a year or longer depending on location gives you a good work-out-assessment on the personal social and financial situation here etc. Absolutely keep your financial information to yourself. Do NOT place all your money in the PH just hold what you actually budget for your needs here. Always have a Plan A - B - C etc. just in case. You never know. Sometimes life can be stranger than fiction in a 3rd World country and remember that is where you intend to be with all the connotations attached to that. Listen to what people say. Assess the information. Check and double-check. Make your decision. Good luck mate.

Actually when I think about it, I get the impression that a good portion of ExPats who post here do not live here permanently but visit here for a few months during the year with their wives to visit family. This certainly may give a different angle compared with the 'Full-Timers' at least in terms of sanity and accessibility to a rational organized World - Speaking of sanity, I'm now going to talk to my dogs who kept me up all night howling at the moon or something in concert with the dogs on either side of me along with the Cockerels who simply decided to join-in. My wife is persuading me to get a piglet to 'bring-on' in one of the pigsty's at the back for Xmas as it will also give me something more to talk to besides the dogs... Talk about Telenovelas (which you have to get used to.. comprehension level =child) No hope I'm afraid - haha :)

adamxpaulx
  2/2/2016 19:45 EST

All great information. From all of you guys. Thank you.

CAspacecowboy
  2/3/2016 01:49 EST

Chance - spot on with the point of it is a different culture and a different way of life. Keep that in mind and keep things close, but not closed off, watch, but not in a way that seems controlling or overbearing. Very Asian in the long view of time, very familial, if from the US, esp CA, very Hispanic in some ways (the Spanish influence?) family is everything, along with back to the Asian (face) is key. Keep that all in mind and do nothing fast, watch and learn, but do not be closed off, yet be careful in all things.

Traco
  2/3/2016 22:47 EST

Not necessarily. I dated my Fil gf for a year before we married and neither she nor her very extensive family ever asked me for a cent. The only time was when she asked if I could help with the wedding costs as she'd invited 300 guests to the reception. Cost me AU$700 all up (compared to around $30,000 in Australia) and that included the video and wedding album.

CodyDeegan
  2/4/2016 01:16 EST

I feel sorry for the foreign dudes here who thought they found true love in the arms of a Filipina but turns out to be sham. But it's not always true that Filipinas only want money from foreign guys. This is the reason why I always tell guys to assess the person first before committing because it will always end up hurting if it is not true love. It is a common stereotype of Filipinas with foreign other halves to be thought of as just a money business, but that is not always true although a significant amount of reports is always the negative one. Have you ever read a post about a foreigner with a Filipina significant other posting a positive feedback about the relationship? Yes, you may encounter some but most of the post that you'll see are complaints.

standupguy
  2/4/2016 07:23 EST

Cody - I am happily married for 3 & 1/2 years going out 1 & 1/2 years before that. Lots of Westerners I meet here, mostly at immigration or at the Mall or Western Union happily married and with kids. My sister in law is a beautiful 44 year old woman, easy going, fun, honest to the core. She's looking for a Westerner life partner. Yes the are some unfortunate guys, but 1 out of 3 marriages fail in the West where the bill is a lot greater.

adamxpaulx
  2/4/2016 18:16 EST

Thank you for that. That's the kind of information I'm looking for. Some cold hard facts ha ha. Speaking of which, I also heard somewhere that 100% of divorces are caused by marriage. Jokes.

alexifran0713
  2/11/2016 06:31 EST

When I think of money, I think of investment. And I would just like to inform expats that one of the investments in the Philippines are in real estate.

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