DeeplyInLove
12/6/2013 20:41 EST
As-salaam Alaykum lovelies,
I'm starting this topic so I may get some advice from both Emirati women and expats alike and also apologize for the length of this post. It's my first post and I want to give you ladies some background information.
I have been in a serious (nonsexual-long distance) relationship for 4 years with my habibi Khalid. He told me this morning that he has finally talked to his family about our relationship (which is something I've secretly wants for some time but I understand some of the traditions and rules of the UAE and I respect his choice to wait). His mother passed away when he was young but his father, all of his brothers (whom are all married with large families) along with their wives and children were all in attendance when he told them. He says they were all very happy and excited to hear that he and I want to get married, and the fact that I'm American didn't bother them at all. As far as I know, I would be the first expat in the family, and their openness and welcoming attitude caught me off guard due to some of the traditional belief shared by many "pure (as some people call them) Emiratis" that Emirati men shouldn't marry expats.
Khalid is "bachelor" (never been married and no children) and recently turned 38 and considered the "black sheep" of his family. He never wanted or considered getting married before we met. I think his family had given up hope that he'd get married, and he was also blown away by the excitement his family has shown since he told them.
I've been married and divorced (my choice) and I've also been considered the black sheep in the family, or at least on my fathers side. Though I've no legal record, I still carry some baggage into our relationship that his family has also excepted along with me. (Side note; I'm a Seventh Day Adventist which is one of the many branches of Christianity for those who don't know what an SDA is. But I'm also very open minded about other religions and traditions and I believe everyone should be allowed to practice their believes, so much so that I even participated in Ramadan this year so I may gain some understanding and perspective as to what I will be marrying into.) I'm already bilingual but I'm learning Arabic as well so I may communicate better with those in the UAE
I plan to go to the UAE within the next year to meet his family, to get to know them and I want to make an impression, I was wondering if any of you ladies could tell me what I can do to show his family that I really want to make this relationship work and to put my best foot forward. I know many men greet each other by touching noses but I don't know what would be appropriate for me to do when I meet his family the first time. I also need advice as to where I can shop for Emirati style abayas and hijabs because that's what I plan to wear outside while I'm in Abu Dhabi. Preferably a place with a website so I can buy some things from the US to wear when I fly over to Abu Dhabi.
Thank you for taking time to read my post.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Cassandra
PS. I haven't asked him any of these questions because I want to surprise him and show him how much he and his family mean to me
PPS. Please don't respond if you're just going to insult our relationship or try to discourage me for being with him. I spend 3 of our 4 year relationship trying to defend our love from trolls and naysayers and it has gotten really old. I hear that enough from people in my country when they find out I'm in a long term, long distance relationship with someone from the Middle East.
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akpana
12/11/2013 08:29 EST
Has he told them u have been married before? Has he told them u have children? It is haram for an Emirate to marry a divorced woman. Your marriage will not be approved. Buy ten camels.
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DeeplyInLove
12/20/2013 18:16 EST
Yes of course he told them everything, if you really know any Emirati men then we both know that a very large number of them do things that are considered haraam now a days, but that does nothing to stop them. His family has already approved the marriage and are discussing future arraignments for housing for my children and myself.
But thankx for doing exactly what I ask people NOT to do in the "PPS" section of my post ??
I was asking for some genuine advice, and you've done nothing to provide any REAL advice
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ramzim
12/31/2013 23:42 EST
well, the Emirati are less than 10% of the country's population and I guaranty you they do not wait until 38 years to get married. Therefore, I recommend that you must research him better and he may be not telling you the full story, How many times you have met this guy and the black sheep of the family is a myth not reality.... the truth may hurt therefore, see if he fly to meet you with one of his female family members hope he will not give you stupid reasons... wish you the best if he is truly forthcoming with facts... Be careful and good luck...
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ceekay21
4/1/2014 08:47 EST
Hi Cassandra,
To respond about the Emirati style abayas...I would not recommend ordering them from here for shipment to the US, if that's even an option. Even if it is, they would probably be a lot different than what you can find in the shops here. There are so many beautiful abayas and shaylas here to choose from that can be designed by you and tailored for you, and its best to shop for them while you are here. Another reason I say this is because you could make several dates out of this with your new family. They will love to take you shopping for abayas and you guys can bond over this experience.
You mentioned that the men greet by rubbing their noses, well as you prob know, that applies to men only. You don't want to touch, or put your hand out to greet any Muslim man (including family) unless he does first. That is something most expats don't know and learn very quickly upon arrival, but you may know that as well.
Not sure how you can specifically 'impress' his family, as I don't know them, but if you like, u can pm for specific questions. I'd probably try to try to connect with some Emirati women for advice.
Good luck :)
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lizzie2
4/28/2014 11:11 EST
The Emiratis are very warm and peaceful people, but I also would urge you to use caution. You get many comments of this type because many ladies have been burned, sorry to say.
Now having said that, let's get to the practical stuff you asked....
Can your fiance give you more info about the family? eg. Do his sisters wear abaya and hijab? If so, is it for religious or cultural reasons? If it is for religious reasons, how would they feel about you (a non Muslim) wearing their outfit? Would this be a sign to them that you plan to convert to Islam?
It's a great idea for you to go meet the family. :) Where will you be staying? - if you could stay with a sister, it would give you good insight into the family.
Personally, I don't think the family will be especially impressed by you wearing an abaya/hijab (at least at this point - when you aren't married). However, they would certainly appreciate you wearing very modest clothing whenever you are in mixed company. Sleeves which cover below your elbow. High neckline. Skirts which go to mid calf (or longer). Shirts which cover most of your hips. Nothing tight. Always wear/carry a scarf which can be used as a head covering when necessary. I really suggest you speak with your fiance about how you dress when going over there. He may have strong thoughts about what you should or shouldn't do when there.
If you do decide to buy an abaya, I agree with the other person's suggestion - go shopping with your future in-laws. Emirati ladies LOVE shopping!! If you still want one in advance, you can probably find an online store in Europe which caters to Emirati women.
Yes, learn Arabic! - but especially learn Kaleeji Arabic, the Arabic spoken in the Gulf. If you can at least know the proper greetings and courtesies it would be good. Chances are, they speak some English, but they would appreciate your efforts.
One of the biggest differences about visiting/living in a Muslim country is their idea of what is proper between men and women. As a woman, you must learn these things. You do not want to be seen by his family as a flirt, for example. Thus, a few rules I think of are:
- Do not look men in the eye! - or do it only briefly.
- Do not initiate conversations with men.
Certainly do not offer your hand(shake) to any man. He must make the first move. When you see someone, just look them (briefly) in the eyes and give a gracious nod of your head. (I learned to do so naturally I began to feel like the queen!)
- Woman are very "touchy" in their greetings to each other
- it is not even proper to ask a woman about her husband, brother, etc., as that is showing inappropriate interest in a male.
- if you must talk with a man (acquaintance, business, etc.) go out-of-your-way to include another woman into the conversation. (Look at her as you say the words to him. Or ask him questions about the woman. Or whatever.)
Anyway, these are a few tips.
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Katkoota
10/12/2016 19:33 EST
Hello fellow American
I read your post and I want to know I am in the same kind of relationship as you. Do not listeneed to anything negative about the dynamics of your relationship. Emarati men are marrying more foreigners/expats because they don't like what the Emarati women have become. I have been to UAE 9 times since 2001 . I have many local male friends to have opened their souls to be about their marriages and life. I have the privilege of knowing what the men are really feeling these days with all the changes taking place in UAE. A fast influx of money over the last 50/60 years and now they are experiencing the effects of the emarati men studying abroad which has caused their thinking to be more open minded. On top of that emarati women are highly educated and have begun working as equalsoon to emarati men. JUST as we say during the women's rights revolution in the states, Emarati men are starting to feel unappreciated and unneeded by emarati women. The women have money and power and they are happy. if they can achieve all this without a man, then what do they need a husband for. There are many divorces either because the women are lazy and spoiled or too busy with their friends to care for their husbands or because they care about their careers and making money over their husband. THUS emarati men are not getting married till their 30's. Maybe they were arranged once and it failed and there was a divorce. But after that they take their time seeking the perfect girl. I have a love story similar to yours and I too would love to know about the culture and emarati families so that I can make sure to keep this marriage forever. Be careful who you listen too. People will be jealous and will try to break your marriage both expats and emaratis. Follow your heart. Communicate with your HabibI opening. Avoid the jealous people. Hope we can talk more about this.
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MaryamG
2/25/2017 15:33 EST
Hello to everyone!
I have some questions about this subject as well. 1) I have heard that Emirati men don't date but if you have a relationship with them (non sexual of course) what you do? 2) If a non Arabic woman gets married with an Emirati man doesn't have rights like the other Arabic women? If she has an important job what she does? She has to wear the traditional costume as a married woman or it depends on what her husband decides ?
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