replied to the thread Any interesting activities in Kandy, Sri Lanka?
on the Sri Lanka forum on April 26, 2015:
I'm now working in Kandy city and since I'm here for almost 3 months I've got tired of my days without any activities.
Does anyone know any interesting activities in the city? Like a book club or sports activities, learning language(Spanish) etc. If you know something about this please let me know.
Thank you very much!
replied on April 26, 2015 with:
Hi,Birkachwest sounds pretty much german ?
posted 1 month Flat Accomodation Colombo
on the Sri Lanka forum on April 25, 2015:
Fully furnished 3 storey house for rent with a perfect view of the Diyawanna River from the Open Rooftop Terrace. A compact A/C suite with separate entrance is also located in the Ground Floor.
posted Retirement Visa
on the Sri Lanka forum on April 18, 2015:
replied to the thread Relationship with Sri Lankan
on the Sri Lanka forum:
I am new here so please be patient! :P
I have met a lovely, wonderful man who is Sri Lankan, he only moved to England few years back. We are in a full blown relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. This is first time I even meet a Sri Lankan person, and I know nothing of the country itself.
We been going out for about 6 months now, but knew each other as friends several years before that. But one problem is bothering him and I and I need advice on Sri Lankan culture and people please.
He is around early middle age, and I am a white British girl in her late 20's. He is very shy and gentle, very quiet, and he admitted this his first relationship, and he never felt like this before about anyone before me. He shows extreme love and care, but can never actually say "I love you", even when I told him I love him. Is that their culture?
But biggest problem is, he is so scared of his local community seeing us together, he not want anyone in our local area to know. He is happy for me to tell my parents, but he wants no one of his culture to know about us.
We are sexual too, and I do not THINK he married, as no wedding ring, but someone lives at his home that he not want them to know about us. If he is married, I know it must be an arranged marriage, bcoz he so UNHAPPY before he meet me, and he been starved of affection and sexual pleasure.
So you know, he is of the Tamil culture, and a Roman Catholic.
So I ask anyone who know out there, do Sri Lankan families conduct arranged marriages, and will they shun and cut off the person in the marriage if that person meets someone new, especially of a different race? He runs his own little shop, but does not own it, is he worried family will take away everything if they find out about us?
Many thanks for any help or advice given.
replied most recently with:
I am so sorry to hear of your experience. I can really feel your hurt and sympathise with you - it's not easy where there seems to be no real obstacles between you both and yet he is determined to go ahead with something that in all probability won't bring him the happiness he could have had with someone he'd met more naturally and had a genuine rapport with.
Often Sri and Lankan and other South Asian families are so deeply entrenched in their cultural ties that is very hard to develop an attachment to someone outside of that without destroying relationships with family and friends who don't understand why the person would choose someone who doesn't "get" their culture. To be brutally honest, it is generally easier being with someone who does have the same background, as there are often many many facets to "being" a Sri Lankan than you or I, as white Australian girls, could possibly imagine. There are certain things that are just "done" or "not done", seemingly without reasonable explanation to an outsider. It is extremely frustrating. You have happened upon a fairly traditional Sri Lankan - it is more common that they will marry within their own culture than not. I am married to a Sri Lankan whose mother initially tried to set him up with a few Sri Lankan girls, but he rejected the idea outright, and was the source of much concern to his family!!! Even now, after we have had a baby and been married for some time, he is probably still somewhat of the black sheep, being an engineer rather than a doctor like the rest of the family! and living in a little old house like a hippy with some white girl, a baby and many dogs!
I was fortunate in that he was not traditional in that sense but there have been some problems with his parents - not necessarily because he married me but more because he rejected his own culture. The marriage to me would have been more approved of had we done the big Sri Lankan wedding across a couple of days, with the engagement ceremony etc etc. However, we chose to get married at a registry office with very few people present, and I was already 3 months pregnant at the wedding - which definitely took some digesting by his family!
It is a very very big deal to lose everyone and everything you know - to chance on someone who it may or may not work out with. In Sri Lankan culture, you make the marriage work - you don't divorce if you are "growing apart" or any of the excuses that are commonly used in breakups in Western culture. He would be aware that you wouldn't necessarily have that ethos, so it would be a considerable jump for him to give everything up to be with you - risking the disapproval and life long censure of his family and connections and culture. If you two broke up it would be very hard for him to find someone within his own culture after his "experiment" with an Australian girl.
I am trying to be as honest as I can, although I have limited knowledge of Sri Lankan culture myself - I am only going on what I have seen personally. However, I hope it helps you understand what he is going through and why he is acting the way he is. There are unseen barriers to your relationship that are almost impossible to break.
In all truthfulness, I would prefer someone who was willing to chuck it all in for me, even if the risk to himself was great - even if it might not work out. Then you know that you are really valued. I don't believe he valued you enough to do this for you. Yes, there were cultural barriers, but nothing's too hard if someone loves you. So bear in mind that sometimes these things are used as an excuse to be with someone different for a short time, get that out of their system and then return to what is familiar and comfortable. I am not suggesting that that was what he did, but sometimes it's not as Romeo and Juliet as we feel it is.
Feel free to reply privately and I can give you my email if you want to talk further.
replied most recently with:
I have a weird and twisted relationship with a very beautiful, kind hearted Sri Lanakn Tamil and I am still madly in love with him.
I met him when i was doing my clincals in a hospital emergency department and he was a doctor here. We bumped into eachother a few times and always smiled at each tother, I caught him watching me and I was always staring at him as well. We had instant chemistry that I had never experienced before. He always laughed and joked with me, and everything felt so comfortable. We never exchanged details all I really knew was his name and that he was moving from Sydney to the country. I finised my prac and went straight home to add him on facebook. He was so shocked that I remember his name but thrilled at the same time. We messaged constantly for months and months and talked on the phone. He told me everything about his life, his family, his religion and he told me from the beginning he was single but was being arranged for marriage and we could only be friends. We met up and had a magical few days together, I fell madly in love with him. Every time we met up it was always a secret he would fly in for the weekend and make up all of these lies so that we could meet up. He told me that if his family ever found out he was seeing a girl he would be disowned and bring shame and embarrassment to his family, I accepted this and was happy to continue as is. I drove to his house in the country and spent a weekend with him (the best weekend of my life). In this time one of his patients noticed a girl enter his house, the next time the patient went to his work she brought it up and said he was seeing girls late at night. He works with his uncle so this was a very big deal, he managed to brush it off and said the patient must have been confused and it never happened. From that weekend onwards we had many many many fights. He was scared of being caught with me or his family finding out,
He always said he didnt want to hurt me or for me to miss out on a relationship with another man because we could never be together. He always tried to distance himself and stop us from talking but it never worked we are crazy about eachother and its very hard to stop talking/ seeing someone you love.
I am crazy in love with him and i would rather suffer than not talk to him.
I met up with him only a few weeks ago and it was a very difference experience. He told me( after 2 years of waiting) he had a marriage proposal. A doctor back in Srilankan, Their parents had met and we're happy, and he met the girl on skype and everything is going ahead. He is waiting to go to srilankan for the engagement process and then we will not be able to talk any more.
I feel so hut and upset and cheated by all of this. I thought the longer we would spend together the more he would want to be with and eventually he would want to be in a relationship. I never really believed he would enter in to an arranged marriage with a girl he doesn't even know.
I have never felt love like this before, I have never cared about someone like this before.
I have been suffering depression and axiety as a result of this, I cant comprehend or accept that soon i will not be able to talk to him or that I will never see him again.
I never imagined my life like this. I am very open minded. I am an Aussie born girl to european parents. I am accepting of all races and religions. I find it difficult to accept that my skin colour, religion, culture is the reason I cant be with the man I love.
I just wish that everything wasnt hidden, if we could have been together without all the hiding and secrets it could have run its course. We could have had a proper shot at a relationship to see if worked or not. For the rest of my life i am going to always regret that I couldnt be with him. I will always be biter that he is marrying another woman.
2 Acre land at Yatalamaththa in Galle district.
replied to the thread PUPPY FOR ADOPTION IN SRI LANKA
on the Sri Lanka forum:
Hi, I just came across this site, and hope someone will help me.. am looking for a new home for "our" puppy.. It is a sri lankan breed, one day he just came to our house and did not want to leave.. he was in very poor condition, so we decided to help him- we called doctor, we fed him.. anyway, we need to find him a new home bcs. we are leaving the country in 2 monts.. he is such a sweetheart!! very frienly and playful. he is about 4 monts old.
Do you maybe know someone in Sri Lanka who would like to take this dog? we are looking for people who love dogs, cause we do not have very good experiences with locals and their relationship towards dogs.. so I hope to find foreigner who lives here ..
if you know anybody, please contact me on: email@example.com I can send you photos, he is beautiful :)
Why don't you take him with you? It will break his little heart if you go away without him. I just paid 740000 to bring my two small dogs from England and will have to pay the same should I want to go back
Brand New 3 Bed Room Fully Furnished and Equipped Apartment in the heart of Colombo city available for rent to Western Expatriate Family. Brilliant and convenient location to supermarkets, shopping centers, restaurants, hospitals and schools.