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How do you handle the money requests from family members?

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WhiskyDave
  3/19/2022 17:00 EST

Curious how some of you with experience handle the financial/money request or even expectations from your spouses or GF's family members?

I try to be very discreet about my financial position, but obviously being a gringo means "atm" in some families. How do you deal with it?

nonames
  3/19/2022 17:41 EST

Great topic. Should be interesting.
I've no experience with GF's family requests but many here may. I do, however, have 20 years of sporadic spousal family requests and...early on I foolishly gave out here & there, happy to do it but I eventually learned to have my dear wife handle the "No-can do's" and just blame me somehow or if we did want to help, we
wrote it all out and let everybody know the deal which helped keep the payments up but in cases of serious dental or medical we stepped up where they simply could not. A GF would've been a piece of cake for me though. "Sorry honey, that's a family matter. I'm not getting involved."
Let's see who else dare chime in eh?

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mtbe
  3/19/2022 20:34 EST

Some family members I refuse to help. Just like a bank, I run a quick financial check on them...done by myself of course. If they have a decent job and aren't overspending already...then I consider it. If they have a decent job but are overspending...then nope...I'm not going to pay for their bad habits.

But nothing outrageous either...a few hundred (US), maybe 1-2K to get them by... We layout payments, show them what it would be at the bank if they got a loan, also let them know what penalties will be...

If your hesitant about it, just say you're sorry, you can't do it at this time....

geoffbob
  3/19/2022 21:05 EST

It began as soon as I retired out of Miami. Since then I've become a bit hardened; going so far as to make myself scarce or even willing to brusquely break off all contact. The inevitable and guaranteed "emergency" will happen and responsibility for making things all better will be yours at the risk of becoming a pariah.
The uncomfortable predicaments are legendary among the friends I've known abroad. One buddy was invited out to dinner on his birthday to a fancy restaurant by his extended family. When the bill came they handed it to him and were furious because he refused to pay. In another country (not far from Colombia) I came to feel that "friends" were conciously or subconciously doing the metrics on me to figure out a way into my pocket. I took one couple from the neighborhood out to dinner and the next day the man's wife told me of their financial emergency and asked me if I could pay for her son's first semester at college.
I've been approached numerous times for business investment schemes. It's all too much. I don't put it down to dishonesty but rather to a near universal desperation on the part of half the population, just under the surface.

sacajundude
  3/20/2022 13:56 EST

Not an issue. Ever.

Electricista
  3/20/2022 14:32 EST

I have fronted money to young siblings who have an idea for self employment. Of course the plan has to have merit and an expectation of income.

When I see the fridge of her family is empty and I see them eating only corn Arripas for dinner, I will give them 300 Mil to fill the fridge.

When the family's power or water gets disconnected and only after I see that they have suffered without for a few days, then I pay the bill so they can get it reconnected.

If they already have borrowed from a gota gota, they get nothing for being stupid.

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Bogota
  3/20/2022 15:02 EST

Ditto sacajundude, not an issue.

But if a few rules will help...

1 admit and remember why most of us have come to Colombia....economics....and for us men primarily in how it helps our dating.
2 never send money, only hand it over in person. And only hand it over to the one(s) that are generous in return. And that your generosity given matches generosity received.
3 be willing to lose a gf if she can't accept your saying 'no'.
4 say 'no' when you should.
5 don't get involved in, and don't lose any sleep over 'her' family's drama.


I'm willing to bet that many men who quit dating in the USA because it was too expensive, have found themselves in Colombia unable to say no, and spending way more than they ever would have in the USA.

Saludos
Bogotá

Andresen
  3/20/2022 15:23 EST

I havent had this problem besides the rare gift of 50,000 or 100,000 pesos to my wife's bff.

nonames
  3/20/2022 15:42 EST

Wow, Some surprisingly tough answers here.
Lx, care to weigh in? ( I can't wait!)

Electricista
  3/20/2022 15:52 EST

Bogota: "5) don't get involved in, and don't lose any sleep over 'her' family's drama."

This is a good rule as there no limit to the amount of drama. The bigger the family, the more the drama,....and somehow the drama always relates to money.

SkyMan
  3/20/2022 17:40 EST

The answer is simple....Just say NO ! Buena Suerte !

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Wildstubby
  3/20/2022 20:16 EST

SkyMan you are correct. However you have to weigh the 'loan' vs the never-ending 'pain' you will endure if you do say "No!" One thing I did do was I took photos from work. I showed the wife the 2 'hydrogen bombs', the millions of gallons of flammable chemicals, and the places where I have to wedge myself into from my workplace. She now has a different take on things!

geoffbob
  3/20/2022 21:27 EST

Hold on just a minute. Hydrogen bombs at work?! Millions of gallons of chemicals ready to explode?!
Dang Wlidman, with skills like that I bet you could join the military.

Wildstubby
  3/21/2022 06:12 EST

Been there did that Geoffbob. I have been employed at a chemical/pharmaceutical plant now for 30 years. Hydrogen bomb is a metaphor for the 2 hydrogen reactors we have. However we have lit the fuse on it several times. I just don't want to be in my shop when it goes boom!

Twptman
  3/21/2022 08:12 EST

Extremely simple answer, Tell your girlfriend/spouse your concerns. Be very exact, Pay attention to her reaction and actions. This will tell you a lot, Also the question is how long you all been together? Married for years? Then yes you should consider help family of course. If the relationship is new then open your eyes. If you are newly married, make sure you let her know your feelings, She should handle that, if she doesn’t and you are Not Married, we’ll maybe reconsider your relationship here. Now, if you are married then you need to realize you will be helping the family in Colombia. Really, that is a giving. I am married and my wife sends money to her family every month and sometimes during the month as well. I am more than ok with that, because after 6 years of marriage, my family too, Every she gets paid from a business we run,, and she budgets her own money to send. If you are dating, we’ll get ready to send money on a regular basis, honestly you should want to help if you are serious and she is truly sincere, Good luck but this maybe a blessing for you to find out early, if you are early in relationship

elpdiver
  3/21/2022 12:34 EST

My wife handles all those requests for loans. One- we don't make it easy; for example sister in law needed a new washing machine (she did). She has always welcomed us in her home when in Colombia. So we made a deal where we made the down payment and would send the money monthly when she didn't have the means to pay. The pain of traveling and paying put some burden on her.

Two- We never actually expect to be repaid. It usually happens; but, when it doesn't they don't come calling again.

Three- we always put it in writing...ALWAYS. In great detail...ALWAYS. We have had more positive outcomes than not.

lpd

Scott1
  4/2/2022 10:34 EST

I have been here 14 years. My girlfriend used to ask for financial help sometimes, but I noticed all requests stopped after we were married. I asked her why, and she said it's because now she knows we are permanent. Her family has never asked for money as that would seem inappropriate to them. As a test give, your girl 400,000 COP to buy clothes but hand her 500,000. Note where she shops. Is it the most expensive stores? Or does she look for bargains. Does she return the change of 100,000 COP to you? Or does she keep/spend it? Also never lend money to a Colombian. It you do, consider it a gift with no expectations of having the money returned.

ponymalta
  4/3/2022 11:43 EST

WhiskyDave

I give my wife the monthly budget plus ab extra cushion- and any family member asks I tell them she manages the money. If she wants to help family member that is her choice, if she wants us to live on rice and beans to help family member that is here choice. The only exception is her elderly parents if verifiably they are in need.

Colombians in general have extraordinary talent extracting money from Gringos, and a constant battle with their version of honesty-best to simply not get involved with money and family members.

Elexpatriado
  4/3/2022 14:42 EST

My " wife" s mom a bit every month and of course her son who is my step son no...other family membres no way..even though they have tried to ask ( through her,) couple times

But of course I have been caught occaisionally paying her Sister in Venezuela ( who has a Power of Attorney on her behalf) to perform administrative and legal tramites and vueltas in Venezuela..probably at inflated Gringo.prices..but it is what it is..as they say

Elexpatriado
  4/3/2022 14:54 EST

A nnd all these fotos who never studied thermodynamics, gas dynamics, gas explosivity, metalurgy, HSE ,economics abd project management or worked hands on with hydrogren keep talking about the future " hydrogen" economy. What a scam.

Then there are the unethical engineers who know full well.it is a scam, and want to fool all the " social scientists" in power so they can make a killing on the scam and push the idea.

Dont ge me wrong..might have minimal aplicación in off peak storage and power generación from renewables with electrolisis ( if electrolyzer costs can be dromedario substantially).in a confined power plant site, but still have to compete with battery storage, which in itself is extremely expensive and resource limited.

Bur forget long distance transport and distribution.

cccmedia
  4/4/2022 01:50 EST

Twptman posted "If you are dating, well get ready to send money on a regular basis. Honestly you should want to help..."

Wait, what?!!!

Some of us refuse to become a Gringo ATM to an extended family of a Colombiana we might be dating.

Of course, if Twptman has money to burn, he can send money whenever requested, that's just fine with us.

cccmedia

MonoApiana
  4/4/2022 10:44 EST

Interesting question. I have watched friends become the "gringo atm" and it never works out well. I don't loan money. Not to my family and not to hers. Fortunately, my wife has lived in the US and understands me and my culture. She also knows the accepted and frustrating Colombian "norms". "Presta un dedo y se toma la mano" is a great dicho when it comes to loaning to family and friends. Gifts are very different but must be handled cautiously as well.

WhiskyDave
  4/4/2022 14:03 EST

Interesting responses from everyone...I agree with most who say it's a slippery slope to go down and best to "start or begin as you intend to go on"...and draw the boundaries early, however you intend to handle.

One response from Bogota below did make me think more about the topic and our role, and what he says is true and needs to be considered.....

From Bogota:
"1 admit and remember why most of us have come to Colombia....economics....and for us men primarily in how it helps our dating"

It's true that we are in our position due to the financial influence or benefit we can provide, so the topic is always in play whether we like it or not. It's what we bring to the dance, other than our obvious good looks...lol

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