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Putin Joke

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Vikingo
  5/16/2022 13:37 EST

Putin dies and goes to hell, but after a while, he is given a day off for good behavior.
So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:
-Is Crimea ours?
-Yes, it is.
-And the Donbas?
-Also ours.
-And Kyiv?
-We got that too.
Satisfied, Putin drinks, and asks:
-Thanks, how much do I owe you?

-5 euros.

geoffbob
  5/17/2022 06:09 EST

Putin heard that many Russian soldiers are getting sick in Ukraine, so he sends a health inspector to join the Russian army to improve its sanitary conditions. The inspector asks a general:
“How do you prepare drinking water?”
“First, we filter it. Then we boil it.”
“And after that?”
“Well… just to be cautious, we just drink vodka.”

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GeorgeDillon
  5/17/2022 11:12 EST

Don't want to be po-faced, but as someone who has significant holdings of euros, I wouldn't find that 'joke' very funny. Or realistic.
The euro has fallen and fallen for months now, and is essentially on a par with the dollar when you allow for exchange fees. I remember when the US$. was 1.60 to one euro.

Means anyone from a euro country finds the US cripplingly expensive.

Vikingo
  5/22/2022 10:42 EST

Sorry for your losses, but those of us who are holding or receiving USD aren't complaining.
Never liked the fact that the € was valued higher than the USD and I was born and raised in Europe.

Vikingo
  5/22/2022 10:45 EST

5 out of 6 scientists in Moscow agreed that Russian Roulette is safe.

Bredwyn
  5/22/2022 11:01 EST

The joke is wise in an unexpected way. In an alternate universe, Gorbachev's desire for a security agreement from Ireland to the Urals would have come true, as well as Russia's joining the EU, and the euro indeed eventually being the currency in Moscow. But the Wolfowitz doctrine, NATO expansion and Putin's aggression meant it was just an idealistic dream.

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Vikingo
  5/22/2022 11:12 EST

A Russian man goes in the USA for an eye check up. The Doctors shows an eye chart that reads: CZWXNQSTAZKY. The Doctor asks: Can you read this? The Russian man replies: Not only can I read it. I even know the guy, he’s my cousin.

GeorgeDillon
  5/22/2022 14:15 EST

Bredwyn:

I'm on the same page as you.
No one looking at the world today can think that the promise and hope offered by the break-up of the Warsaw Pact has been realized. I could start laying blame, but why bother.
It's sad.

Electricista
  5/22/2022 17:04 EST

"Means anyone from a euro country finds the US cripplingly expensive"

Now you know what it feels like to be a Canadian visiting the USA.

geoffbob
  5/23/2022 10:32 EST

In Omaha back in the 60's where I worked we accepted Canadian money at face value. That's really saying something because Nebraska is 3 states down from the border. In those days neither country had customs officers at the border between North Dakota & Manitoba. There was a customs office but it only had a book where people from both countries would sign in and then sign out when they left.
As to the Euro USD situation today, now you know how it feels to be an American in Europe getting walloped by 1o or 15%.

Andresen
  5/24/2022 08:35 EST

President Putin is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
"Hello, Mr. Putin!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Cork, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Putin replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Seán, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Putin paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1,000,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Putin, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Putin asks.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Putin sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 60,000 tanks and 50,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 1,500,000 since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Putin, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"

Putin was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1000 bombers and 2000 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 2,000,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Good mornin', Mr. Putin! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Putin. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no way we can feed 2,000,000 prisoners."

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PFleetwood
  5/24/2022 11:28 EST

Not an expert but I do think the US may have missed a great opportunity to more positively affect the outcome of the USSR/Russian transition post Gorbachev.

I have seen the naivete of economists and politicians who think it is a simple thing, while ignoring all the cultural, social and political subtleties of a given country, to export democracy and the free market system right off. Thus we have Putin and the rise of the oligarchs. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

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