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moving to nagoya

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carrie431
  12/8/2003 15:48 EST

my husband has been in nagoya for 6 weeks now, the children and I are due to fly out in Jan. I do no want to go. I have been reluctantly involved in this xpat assingment from the start and as the time approaches i just dread the time i have to leave the states. we live on 3 beautiful acres in a big new home and are relocating to a very small home in nagoya, far from the expat community cuz there wasn't any rentals available. My teenage daughters from my previous marriage just refuse to go. the are now living with their father. They are perfectly fine and have grandparents, including my parents and sisters in the area but i am besieiged with feelings of guilt and that i am abandoning them. They are fine with that and are staying in the same school district that they have attended since kindergarden. They are allowed 4 company paid trips over and we can fly them over also, they are 13 and 15. We have to relocate 2 dogs to japan, one is 15 years old. I just dread it...help

nemesis
  12/17/2003 09:24 EST

What a crybaby!! You've never been to Japan and probably no other country and you cry the blues about going. What a load!

Having lived in three places in Japan (over 6 years) including the Gifu area outside of Nagoya, I really find your dread exceedingly narrow minded. Don't go to Japan and try natto or okonomiyaki. Stick to tempura, curry rice and chicken or pork katsu. These will help you get adjusted. If you have some time, go to Osho and order a round of gyoza.

Take the time to learn the language and steer clear of those housewife groups. Have your husbands company set you up in a class in a reputable school in Nagoya as soon as you get there. You need the language in order to take away your stress and to get things done. Once you begin to learn, the world will open up to you. Don't take lessons from some hack or homemaker. Go to a school where you can get some rigor and feel like you are making serious progress. I started studying Japanese for the first time in my early 20's! Don't make excuses about your age. It's all a big lie!

Once you get your language skills up just a bit, take a trip to the Aichi aquarium, to the Pizza hut on the yellow line subway? and to the electric town (where they sell electronics) Once you do this, then take a day trip on the JR train to Gifu and just walk around to see what's there.

Get your AAA driver's license BEFORE you leave so you can drive there if you have access to a car.

Seek out quality Japanese people who have lived a short while in the U.S. and who have real cross cultural insights. There a few of these in every country in the world. You will be very happy with them.

Stop listening to the idiots around you here in the U.S. They have no overseas experience so they will naturally paint ugly pictures about things they know NOTHING about! Forget that crap and get ready to write a new chapter in your life.

As for american food, you can get anything you want at this site: http://www.fbcusa.com/public2/fofbc_worship.php3

They are located in Kobe but they ship anywhere and they are VERY reliable.

You can also see on this site that there are three chruches in Nagoya (actually there are many more) Join one. If you don't like one, go to another.

For vacations, travel to Thailand or Hong Kong or Hawaii. The company will understand. Open your mind because there is a lot going on over there. If you ski, do it in Japan. It's really nice. Take some food though because the lodge selections are lame.

Go to Kinokuniya and check out there English language section. Also, get online subscriptions of the magazines or newspapers that you like to read here in the U.S.

Don't dwell on that Buddhist crap too long. Go to Kyoto, see the place and then forget about it. It's really depressing to see cute little girls praying to a Buddha made of metal. Lost souls in the making.

Be American. Don't let the people try to teach to much of that "teineigo" Japanese or "joseigo". Being polite is important but you will NEVER fully fit in and you shouldn't try to. It's insincere. There's room for everyone in this world. You can politely refuse things. This crap about bowing all the time and smiling all the time is not American. Try Japan on like a coat but don't forget that you are American underneath always.

I worked in a Japanese machinery company in Aichi prefecture as an exporter and spoke Japanese all day in my job. I worked hard to learn the language and understand the people. I do not agree with everything they do or their way of thinking but my time in Japan was the most interesting and rewarding part of my life. I met my Filipino wife at a church in Gifu. It was a fantastic experience. I worked in Nagoya for a short while as well.

If you grow up, your children will follow by example. If you follow my advice, your life will be so interesting to them, that they will want to see you and experience what you will experience. You will raise their intellect to new levels in doing so. Because of my experience in Japan, I will probably be accepted into a Ph.D international business program.

It's a new chapter in your life. Run towards it, not away from it.

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RVGRINGO
  12/17/2003 10:52 EST

Your daughters are going to miss out on a fantastic experience. Going for a visit will not be the same as living in a different culture. Your reluctance does not bode well for your new marriage or for the enjoyment of the very different culture you are about to experience. Perhaps you have already decided your fate and will continue in the cookie-cutter life of continual complaints. Choose adventure; live a little and learn about the wider world. Loosen up and enjoy!

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