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Deported from U.S.

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shigyrl
  9/9/2009 11:08 EST

My boyfriend more than likely is going to be deported back to Mexico. I am U.S. citizen and we have a 4 yr old son. I'm 22 and he is 23. With all the violence in Mexico is it really safe to move there?? Or is it possible to move to another country, like Spain or something, and will that be any better?

RVGRINGO
  9/9/2009 12:55 EST

"All the violence", as you stated, indicates that you have been listening to sensational news without investigating the facts. The violence centers around the competing drug cartels and their wars over territory and the insatiable appetite for drugs in the USA, a lucrative market. If you are interested in drugs or hang out where there is usually trouble, you will find trouble. If not, you won't be in any particular danger. Border towns and a few other 'hot spots' would not be good places to settle.
Moving to any country, where you are not a citizen, will require that you obtain visas, for you and the child, and prove sufficient income and/or resources to support yourselves. Having a Mexican boyfriend will give you no advantages in Mexico. If your child was registered as a Mexican citizen, you might have some hope of obtaining naturalization in two years.
You must also realize that you cannot work in Mexico without the permission, on your visa, of Mexican Immigration authorities. It can be very difficult to get, unless you have unique talents. Are you fluent in Spanish? Where will you live? How will you be accepted by your boyfriend's family and friends? Are you aware of the cultural differences regarding women, and how they are treated, in Mexico? Jobs are very hard to get in this economic crisis, which will last for years, and your boyfriend has already experienced that problem; which is what caused him to enter the USA illegally to find work. Degreed people are without work, governments are laying off and unskilled labor is hurting badly as construction is way down. The tourist industry is suffering very low numbers and jobs there are few.
I know this isn't very encouraging, but you have to know what you face.
Spain, by the way, is very expensive.

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MegSondey
  9/9/2009 17:42 EST

There IS violence in many parts of Mexico, particularly in the "non-Gringo" areas. Juarez and Tijuana are not the only places with violence.... even my own city of Torreon (along with the neighborning cities of Lerdo and Gomez Palacio) have significant violence. If you know where to go and where to live, you will be fine. Do you know where you will live? Will you be near your husband's family? What do you know about that city? You can read many local papers online (most are in Spanish) but that will give you a better idea of the current situation in the towns or cities where you might live. Most couples in your situation will not have the financial resources that expats or US retirees have. A couple I know in your situation in my home area of Mexico found it challenging to obtain schooling for their children and in the end, decided it was better for the wife and kids to stay in the US and visit Mexico occasionally while trying to get the proper paperwork for her husband. Every family's situation will be different, but the more research you can do ahead of time, the better off you will be and the easier the adjustment will be.

RVGRINGO
  9/9/2009 17:52 EST

This couple is very young and they are not married. She will have to qualify for an FM3 for herself and the child. As a non-citizen, the child may not be eligible to enroll in local schools, leaving expensive private education as the only alternative.
Yes, the area you mention is one of those 'hot spots'.

MegSondey
  9/9/2009 18:01 EST

Yup... saw that she said "boyfiriend," but was just seeing if she would say something about "getting married" or even knew that had they been married, there might be more options. Sometimes people post here without doing much research elsewhere first.

RVGRINGO
  9/9/2009 18:31 EST

I would not suggest getting married for this purpose. If they had wanted marriage, they would have done it long ago. She may not be aware of the family & cultural challenges and that the step across the border often brings back the 'macho' in what was a timid, compliant illegal in the USA. In Mexico, he will have all the rights, maybe child and all, and she will have few, in all reality. I doubt that they have even discussed wages in Mexico, if permission to work were possible and an employer willing to support her application. Then, there is the language and the child's education. Even the boyfriend probably has no concept of the restrictions upon her and the child and the need for visas and the related, recurring expense. We've had a personal, familial situation which has given us some experience.......not good. It may be best for her to stay behind until he can provide a home and income, while she works and saves to be able to qualify for the appropriate visa.

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MegSondey
  9/9/2009 18:50 EST

Yup.... I'll bet that many of those topics have not been covered. I've found that most US people are "surprised" that as an "esposa" I'm not allowed to work in Mexico! They seem to think that it would be "okay" for me to work illegally in Mexico while it would definitely NOT be "ok" for a Mexican citizen to "illegally" work in Mexico!

suspirar
  9/10/2009 01:07 EST

Your boyfriend can move to the Tijuana, Baja California, area. Near Tijuana in Mexico, I visited a neighborhood called Santa Fe, which is a 10-peso (less than 1 US dollar) bus ride from the border with San Ysidro. It looked safe.

I don't know if you can obtain a visa to do the following:

Your boyfriend could stay at home to take care of your child and to help you out (like by fixing dinner, doing laundry, and cleaning up). You could work in the USA but sleep in Tijuana. Minimum wage in California is $8 an hour. After mandatory deductions, I think you would receive about 89% of that. If you work 40 hours/week, you would take home almost $1200/month (not including a health-insurance deduction). Health insurance would cost a lot.

From the San Ysidro border, there is frequent trolley service up into downtown San Diego (trolleys usually run every 15 minutes or even more frequently). There is excellent public transportation in the form of buses in the city of Chula Vista, CA, not far from the border. Your cost for public transportation would be $5 USD/day, for a day pass. Your transportation in Mexico would cost $2/day.

Jobs are scarce in San Diego now, but if you have skills and are willing to work for minimum wage, your chances of finding employment are higher.

I don't know how you could get your child to attend public school in the USA, but I know that many children cross from Mexico into the USA every school day to attend school in the USA.

I've heard of a 2-bedroom furnished apartment renting for $350 USD/month in Tijuana. Utilities would probably be no more than $50 USD/month.

gpk
  9/10/2009 13:45 EST

The violence is not the problem--it is surviving on Mexican pay. As a native English speaker you will be able to get a job in a language school--many will not require you to get a working visa to do so (this is "illegal", but generally not a problem). The beach areas are an exception to this--they do not need English teachers there (again, generally speaking).

homesweetmexico
  9/10/2009 17:05 EST

Shigyrl,

Based on this post, it doesn't appear that you have made much progress since your previous post. Here's my answer to this one:

You and your family are at a crossroads. It appears that you will have to make some decisions that you might otherwise have been able to avoid. Your choices are not choices I would wish on any young family. Still, once we are adults, our lives are what WE make of them and the more you and your boyfriend view this as an opportunity, the better your long term results will be.

Eight years ago my boyfriend and I faced a similar decision. One major difference was that we did not yet have children, so we were able to decide what was best for ourselves personally. You two have that primary responsibility to your son to consider.

As other people’s replies to your post indicate there is a lot to consider here. First you must know that if you move to Mexico, you will NOT be able to continue your same lifestyle. Mexico is not the right place for everyone.

Here are some major road blocks and points to consider (some of which have already been pointed out in the other posts):
-You will surely both earn much less money than you do in the US. Without a bachelor’s degree, you both could easily earn as little as 15 dollars A DAY and the standard work week is six days.
-It is very hard to get a job in Mexico these days.
-You, as a US citizen, must have a work visa to work in Mexico and for that you may need to be married. (You also may not, so find out from the nearest Mexican consulate). Of course, that’s not a good reason to get married.
-Even if you have a work visa, you won’t be able to just work anywhere you choose. Immigration will approve each and every employer you wish to work for on an individual basis. Immigrants aren’t allowed to take certain jobs.
-Your son may need to go to a private school, which is expensive when you are earning in pesos.
-The surrounding culture affects the internal family dynamic. To put it lightly, the “macho factor” goes way up in Mexico. In general, men don’t do dishes, men don’t wash, men don’t pack snacks for children when going out, men don’t iron, men don’t consider their wives’ schedules and wives should never, never contradict their man in front of other people. Men do hang out and talk whenever and wherever they wish to, men do go out whenever they want to and with whomever they want to, men do tell their women what to do and what not to do. Even if your boyfriend’s “not like that” he’ll be surrounded by friends and family who are. Not all men who have lived in the US and return to Mexico “revert” completely, but they will “revert” to some extent. Your impossible job is to guess how much yours will and how much that will affect your family.
-If you are not independently wealthy, you must speak Spanish to live in Mexico.
-Depending on your boyfriend’s age and life experiences in Mexico before going to the US, he may not be able to rise above the poverty and classism of Mexico. There is a reason he left.
-If you choose to move to Mexico, your son will be going through culture shock and will need a lot of patience and support from parents who are emotionally stable enough to provide it. The good news is that people in Mexico are good to children and their parents. I’m so grateful for our child’s foundation that he received in Mexico. He has way more social skills and confidence than other children I know in the US and Canada. It’s just going to take some doing to get him adjusted and it’s heartbreaking to see your child go through stress. Of course, it is also heartbreaking to see your child lose their father, too.
-Mexico is not the violent, dirty place the media portrays. It is a lively, connected, warm-hearted, fun loving, delicious food producing, music-playing, children loving, good friend, people-first place.

You ask about Spain. That’s “a whole ‘nother ball of wax.” Check out the immigration requirements for Spain, for Canada, for Australia, for Thailand, even. Each country has its own immigration policy. See what requirements people must meet in order to get permission to work. See how much it costs and how long it takes.

Just to be even more honest, it’s been painfully hard for me to live in Mexico but at the same time I’m a much better person for it and I wouldn’t change my experiences for anything, not even a nice comfy life in the US. Take it from me, changes like this one build character and put relationships in peril. If one or both of you is miserable in Mexico, it’s going to be hard to continue a happy relationship.

From your question it appears that your boyfriend hasn’t told you much about Mexico. I recommend that you start asking him and listening, really listening to the answers. Ask him what women do. Ask him where people shop for food. Get specific. Ask him about his own family and his memories from when he was a child. Listen like you’ve never listened before.

Finally, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Over the years I’ve been in touch with other women (mostly) whose loved ones have had to move to Mexico. You can check out the “Spouses of Mexicans” section of my web site and see if any of my writing might help you out. My book tells how to get started in Mexico on a budget. If you read between the lines, you’ll probably get some good insights for your personal situation because we were in a similar one.

Take this as an opportunity and do your research. Your son is counting on you with all his little heart and soul.

Kindest Regards,
Julia C Taylor author of Mexico: The Trick is Living Here and creator of www.home-sweet-mexico.com

RVGRINGO
  9/10/2009 19:28 EST

"......... job in a language school--many will not require you to get a working visa to do so (this is "illegal", but generally not a problem)."

CAUTION: Even volunteering for no pay actually requires 'working permission' from INM. I have taught, been warned by INM and had to quit volunteering. True, they aren't out looking for you but, when you become known, they can act. If you get a 'stickler' you could be deported.

Posters should never recommend anything that is against the laws of Mexico. Hopefully, we're all trying to keep these young folks out of trouble.

Now, another concern: A single parent must have the other birth parent present to get a passport for a minor. On top of that, a bilingual letter from any absent birth parent (or a death certificate) is required to cross borders with a minor. Sometimes, Mexico doesn't check, sometimes they do. The USA, upon your return, will probably check and if you don't have everything required, they can be really tough on you; including detention.
Please read all the good advice given above and consider your options in minute detail. We have a young lady in the family, married to a Mexican who returned to Mexico, wants the kids (she has four!) but not her. He won't give her a divorce, she fears kidnapping of the children by his brothers & cousins still in the USA illegally, and she obviously can't even consider bringing them to Mexico (can't cross borders) even if we paid the bill. They live on the edge. financially with no way out.

Julia has given you a very well written essay on the topic and it was obviously from the heart. She's absolutely correct in stating how wonderful life can be in Mexico for an expat with financial resources; we're retired and have been here over eight years. Frankly, we can't imagine living anywhere else; especially this well. However, without such financial resources, there are virtually no 'safety nets' for you in Mexico. Your boyfriend knows that quite well.

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