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Settling in

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Lenno
  1/17/2022 22:20 EST

I am generally a quiet person, I find it difficult to strike up a conversation with strangers. Considering what I am putting myself up for this may not be an ideal trait. Any tips on maybe some good places/ways to meet people whether they be expat or local.

DavaoDelSur1
  1/17/2022 22:57 EST

Try to find people of a similar hobby, church or join an organization. If your single just hang out in a nice mall the Filipinas will find you. Join Expat groups on Facebook and see if any live in your area. Find out if there is a local expat meet up place in your area. Unfortunately, you're going have to do a lot of internet sleuthing or talk to people, if not both,

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surfingcebu
  1/17/2022 23:02 EST

Lenno - people by nature are social when we’ll adjusted and at Aase . “ the quiet ones will kill you” is an Idiom in the corporate world for a reason. . What you have to do is engage in introspection, to find out why your quiet, not social and aloof.

I think the Pinoy culture, WILL bring you along positively 25-30% . The rest will be your responsibility.

Get involved. Stay involved. Try and stay out of foreigner broken “misfits “ communities- cities.

surf .

Lenno
  1/17/2022 23:32 EST

Thanks, some good advice. Think I will definitely look at some local groups I could be interested in.

Gingert76
  1/18/2022 03:47 EST

i used to be incredibly shy and in my first job it took me two weeks to answer the office phone when it rang, so i understand where you are coming from.

Now i can stand of stage and present to a 1000 people but its taken years.

I travel alone a lot and work away a lot by myself and have had to learn to interact with people but one big tip is to simply ask a person about themselves, their interests, their history, anything really and its amazing how easy it is to chat to people.

good luck

Asawa
  1/18/2022 10:49 EST

"People will judge you by the company you keep".

Many parents told us that when we were children. We forget about it as adults. As we age, we think "our friends are our business. However, It's wise to rethink this in the Philippines.

Your character, interactions, and associations may be judged and analyzed in the "Secret Court of Underground Barangay Rumor" via crowd surveillance.

Folk in the community may keenly observe how you act and who you interact with. Moments of frustration and misunderstandinng may be taken out of context.

You may never even have a chance to make a 1st impression because a community consensus of a "First Impression" may emerge from third-party hearsay.

So, consider surrounding yourself with pleasant people and distancing yourself from difficult/abrasive folks... as a general rule. :-)

I personally don't mind this type of Juvenile drama because I grew as a Preacher's Kid (pk) with a father who served in small town churches. I'm used to a lifetime of having my behavior on display, being the new "kid/guy", and being judged on rumor.

I just wanted to point out that you are going to experience some community and group behaviors that remind you of Middle-School and Junior High. :-)

-Asawa

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tombalita1
  1/18/2022 20:12 EST

Asawa, great observation and advice. Bahala ka sa buhay mo!
Only in the Philippines! Tom

Lenno
  1/18/2022 23:51 EST

Thanks ASAWA
I'd have thought being scrutinized is the norm in any small community, Especially if you're the new kid on the block and not native to boot.
I do like to fly a little under the radar so tend to keep a little to myself , hopefully that will work in my favour, without being a hermit of course.

Lenno
  1/19/2022 00:10 EST

Thanks Surf
Will definitely take that on board and instead of asking which are the misfit cities you speak of can you name a few places worth investigating as potential places to settle?

Gamma15
  1/19/2022 06:45 EST

One suggestion I learned was to speak to a cashier when you are in line buying something. Just strike up a conversation. Notice her body language. Does she look bored, is she distracted about something, unhappy, pissed off at the previous person she helped in line. Once you pick up on something, ask her why she is upset. Or I see you are upset with the previous person. She seemed rude. Anything.
If you mess up the conversation, learn from the mistake(s). Remember the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray?
Practice, practice practice. Practice on a women that you don’t know. No loss. Right? Or who knows?
Also when you approach a woman, immediately let her know you are shy. She will know anyway, but it will calm your nerves.
I speak from experience. I have met women from all over the world.
Also join a free dating site. I liked OK Cupid. You will learn more about yourself while filling out the profile. And learn about what women desire in a relationship. Be genuine. Do you want to be with a woman who is not? Well she doesn’t either!
Share your feelings. Very important. These drunk ass guys women just absolutely hate! If you are that guy, your screwed!
Good luck
Alan

surfingcebu
  1/19/2022 07:28 EST

Lenno - where to settle is such a personal thing and depends so much on what you need and want - two different realms . How's your health ? I like the outskirts of ( 20-30 minutes outside of ...) Cebu , Bataan, . I also like San Carlos Some areas up Baguio way - but not the city itself , Vigan, Lipa , Tagatay, Dagupan , PTO Gallera, 20 km South of Dumaguete ....all for various reasons . depends what your needs are and wants . If you have a GF /Wife , her opinion counts too .

Surf .

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