Expat Advice: Relationships in Lima, Peru

What is the name of the city or town that you are reporting on?

Lima

What is your current status? Are you single, dating, in a long-term relationship, married or divorced?

Divorced and in a hopefully long-term relationship

What is it like in your country of residence for someone with your relationship status (married/divorced/dating)? If you're single, how do you meet other people? Do English-speaking people tend to gravitate to certain parts of your city?

I'm hoping that my experience isn't what it's like for all people in my shoes; but just in case, being a divorced male in Peru is like being a kid in a candy shop. This has significant drawbacks, especially if you are also involved in a relationship with a Peruana. Peruvian women are passionately protective about their expat men, to the point of being almost a Keeper.

If you have children, what advice would you give to others making a similar transition to your country of residence?

I have children in the US whom I talk to on the phone weekly. Barging into their lives each week to say hello is difficult for them. Scheduling time is supposed to work better, but doesn't always. My mate has a child whom I spend time with playing, biking, beaching, walking to school, and going out on the town. My children in the US know this and do not particularly like it.

If you are married or in a relationship with a person of another nationality, how has this experience enriched you as a person. What kind of challenges do you face?

I have been enriched by intimately coming to grips with and learning to understand the verbal and nonverbal dos and don'ts of being in the vicinity of a different culture and language. For example, I can't look in the direction of another woman, let alone catch the eye of another woman while in the presence of my mate. Additionally, my mate makes it very obvious that she is attached to me when we are in the presence of other women. At a bar, party, family gathering, or other, I should not talk to other women, let alone acknowledge their presence. I need to sit immediately adjacent to my mate whenever in a room of people. If I find someone who speaks English, I am to ignore them if I have no prior relationship. My job is to pay for things, carry things, and be there. We have a houseperson whom I am to treat in a subservient (less than personal) manner, although I do not like it.

What would be the best advice you could give someone with your relationship status that lives in your country of residence? Any other thoughts?

Go slow. Don't jump into the relationship despite the ease in which this may seem to happen. To some degree, being an outsider, makes you have value beyond your existence; you are a ticket to leaving Peru. You usually have more money than your mate; thus your idea of spending it is different from their idea, as your understanding of economy is probably vastly different. Give yourself space. Don't jump into living together until you're sure of yourself, and keep an economic safety net to have should things go awry. Be patient. The adage of counting to ten before responding is important. In most cases when you are ready to retort because the response from your mate hasn't been what was expected, that person didn't quite understand what you were saying.