2souls39
7/8/2012 09:33 EST
Hi all
I am new here so please be patient! :P
I have met a lovely, wonderful man who is Sri Lankan, he only moved to England few years back. We are in a full blown relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. This is first time I even meet a Sri Lankan person, and I know nothing of the country itself.
We been going out for about 6 months now, but knew each other as friends several years before that. But one problem is bothering him and I and I need advice on Sri Lankan culture and people please.
He is around early middle age, and I am a white British girl in her late 20's. He is very shy and gentle, very quiet, and he admitted this his first relationship, and he never felt like this before about anyone before me. He shows extreme love and care, but can never actually say "I love you", even when I told him I love him. Is that their culture?
But biggest problem is, he is so scared of his local community seeing us together, he not want anyone in our local area to know. He is happy for me to tell my parents, but he wants no one of his culture to know about us.
We are sexual too, and I do not THINK he married, as no wedding ring, but someone lives at his home that he not want them to know about us. If he is married, I know it must be an arranged marriage, bcoz he so UNHAPPY before he meet me, and he been starved of affection and sexual pleasure.
So you know, he is of the Tamil culture, and a Roman Catholic.
So I ask anyone who know out there, do Sri Lankan families conduct arranged marriages, and will they shun and cut off the person in the marriage if that person meets someone new, especially of a different race? He runs his own little shop, but does not own it, is he worried family will take away everything if they find out about us?
Many thanks for any help or advice given.
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hpsanjeev
7/8/2012 12:05 EST
hi
well, i think you've stumbled upon a very common occurance. Well, yes, families that follow tradtions very closely tend shun their offspring when not in line with their culture and traditions. But the good news is there are families that have a more modern view and will accept change. that ofcourse is in the more urban and big cities. in the rural villages these are followed very strictly.
you might want to know why he moved to England in the first place and why does he want to have only your side of the family know about. I believe that he is putting on a show to you and you have been caught into his net!. why not get him to introduce you to his friends? also you must get him to be a real man and decide. he cannot just lead you on. true love does change things and make people do things quite the contrary.
hey do mail me directly on hp.sanjeev@yahoo.com and let me know your view.
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SGMar
7/9/2012 00:14 EST
Hey 2souls39
I have been in a similar situation to you...we even got married and tried to hide that from his family for a while, but when the news got out all hell broke loose!!
Many people in this culture have very set ideas about what is good for their family/friends future. It's generally thought that love marriages (as opposed to arranged marriages) will bring future discord within the family, or will not last. It's a culture where it's seen as acceptable to give advice on a person's personal life, and expect that advice to be followed. It may seem strange, but, what we may call ‘interference’ is actually a way of family and friends showing love.
But what it means in reality is that for a person to do what they really want (if it is outside of the norms), they often have to keep it a secret from everyone (not just in love, but in careers, hobbies too). I would say that your guy is probably protecting your relationship from all the interfering and from his family and friends destroying his peace of mind and yours, and destroying the happiness he has found with you. Take it from me, it’s often best that way – the minute everyone knew my partner and I were married was really the end of our happiness, they destroyed his peace of mind, he felt he had to keep everyone happy, his mother screamed and shouted at me – I was treated like a witch. People pulled him from one side to the other, his friends telling him how could he do this to his mother…saying he had destroyed her happiness, he should have just married whoever she chose for him just to please her. I would have given anything to have just kept it a secret forever!! And I am saying this after 16 years of marriage!
As for saying the word love, I guess it depends on the individual, but I tend to think that people in this culture tend to show love rather than say the word ‘love’.
I hope what I’ve said helps you come to terms with the way things are and just go with the flow. If you are happy with him then just be happy for the moment. You don’t need his community to know to enjoy that happiness.
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2souls39
7/9/2012 11:41 EST
Hi SGMar
Thanks for your lovely reply. Yes it does help me alot, help me understand more.
Before I address your message, may i ask first, are you or your husband Sri Lankan? Trying to get which way round your situation is lol :)
I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you and yor husband are still married, despite all the problems from family.
I agree my man is protecting us from the "interference", also I feel he may be totally shunned, and his whole infastructure and life ruined if anyone found out.
And yes, he shows extreme love, care and affection to me, without saying "I love you", I think now it better that way, coz at least you know it real love, not just words.
I will keep it secret, as he will, I think my own family may have issues with our relationship if they knew, so I won't tell them either. He is my soulmate, and we will be that forever, no matter what happens.
Please feel free to talk more with me :)
Best wishes
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Unclass
9/13/2012 06:35 EST
Hi there
Actually I had the opposite of the issue you are having. I now live in Australia and have been for last 18 years and also I have been happily married to a white Australian girl since 1998. Now 14 years and blessed with a beautiful 6 year old daughter.
I am Sri Lankan born and bread until I went overseas to Australia at the age of 24 for university studies. I Met my wife when I was at Uni and I have been in a relationship with her since 1998. With my traditional family in Sri Lanka I was open about the relationship from the beginning. Let me also add before I left for uni studies to Australia I have had a arrange marriage situation and I was expected to come back home too marry this silencing lady. But my lovely wife I got to gather when I was in last year of my studies.
I was very assertive and may I add was some what aggressive towards sri Lankan community with regard to how my wife should be accepted. No one dare say anything to my face or to her and also If I have head that any person had said anything negative about my wife I usually pay that person a visit at their home to convulsive his/his misfortunes of his/her mouth. Soon the reputation spread and my lovely wife was treated better than I get treated. Even within Sri Lankan community in Australia and also with in my family in Sri Lanka.
My mother has been a traditional woman all her life and her relationship to my father has been rocky at best. She had a arrange marriage. When I met Louise her question to me was “ do you love her and does she love you” and the answer was yes to both . With that answer she accepted Louise both hands and both of them are best these days. Both ladies engage in extended shopping trips in AUS and also SL these days ignore my phone calls while shopping and let me worry about them while they are away.LOL
The problem I had was with Louise’s family as they disowned because of me, she was old by her hum to go and find a “white Australian boy” like everyone else and eventually when we decided marry she was told me or them and my wife Louise decided to follow her heart and she does not have any contact with her family for last 14 years since we got married and we are not a least worry about this very happy with our lives.
My advise is go with the flow, your man is likely protecting you while he is thinking way around the crap and may be devising a plan like I did. Hope he get his elements right before you loose each other. Either of you can talk to both of us wickremasena@bigpond.com
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Unclass
9/13/2012 19:54 EST
sorry about the typos, I am writing this in a hospital bed with a dislocated shoulder, using only one hand
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Leathfarguson
10/12/2013 07:43 EST
i tried many spell casters to help me get back my husband but they all failed me, but this spell caster i contacted few days ago dr.marnish@yahoo com helped me to bring back my husband after 3 days
contact him +15036626930 and try his love spell.
Leathfarguson
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Dorian
2/23/2014 00:54 EST
I am a white Australian married to a Sri Lankan man (also pregnant now) and I agree with some of the other posters here that keeping it quiet until it's more secure is a good idea. My husband has lived in Aus for a couple of decades and he still found it hard to tell his mum about me. I could NOT understand at the time why it was such a big deal, but boy do I ever now! It's not so bad as his family live in a different state, but I totally concur with the notion that it's okay to dish out advice in Sri Lankan culture and that it will be automatically followed. As I read that post a lot of things became clear to me! Father in law is lovely but Mum very... traditional... I would keep it quiet until you both feel it's definitely going to be long term.
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spice
4/8/2014 13:07 EST
Keep at it. In the long run the little inconvenices will fade away. Seems like a good man.
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Sundaybest
12/13/2014 09:36 EST
I recently broke up with my Sri Lankan boyfriend who came here to study for the last couple of years.
His mother is traditional also, I'm starting to think the mothers are the ones who are least flexible about other cultures dating their sons. His father is fairly supportive.
Yes it is absolutely their culture. My boyfriend has never once told me he loves me but he does show me everyday through his actions. I figured the reason for this is he told me about the buddhist culture and not having attachments as it creates suffering in which he didn't want me to feel pain of something ever happened to him or us.
I wanted to move over there but he said it's pretty extreme and doesn't think I could survive in that environment as I wouldn't be able to do the things I can in Australia in Sri Lanka.
he too has been arranged with potential mates by his parents with several women a couple of times when he was in Sri Lanka.
my ex told me in Sri Lanka whoever a person marries will not only represent your partner but the families name so it's a crucial factor, he said it himself Sri Lankans are unfortunately quiet judgemental.
I would suggest you take a holiday to Sri Lanka to get a feel for the culture and what you are up against in terms of a commitment, it could make it less overwhelming
all the best.
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littletulip1
3/18/2015 11:23 EST
Hi
I'm a newbie here and I'm interested too knowing more about relationship with a Sri Lankan.
I met my Sri Lankan boyfriend here in Japan.We both love each other but something's bothering me about "who knows" in his family about our relationship.One of his brother knows about us and he agrees with us.My problem is about his mom because one time,I learned that his mom wants him to go back now to Sri Lanka for him to be introduced to a woman to marry.But my boyfriend told me "I can't just do what I was told by my mom"!But still bothering me why he can't just tell his mom directly...I would be glad to hear from anyone regarding this matter or would love to hear relative stories like us to learn more...Thank you.
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jay123
4/6/2015 01:30 EST
I have a weird and twisted relationship with a very beautiful, kind hearted Sri Lanakn Tamil and I am still madly in love with him.
I met him when i was doing my clincals in a hospital emergency department and he was a doctor here. We bumped into eachother a few times and always smiled at each tother, I caught him watching me and I was always staring at him as well. We had instant chemistry that I had never experienced before. He always laughed and joked with me, and everything felt so comfortable. We never exchanged details all I really knew was his name and that he was moving from Sydney to the country. I finised my prac and went straight home to add him on facebook. He was so shocked that I remember his name but thrilled at the same time. We messaged constantly for months and months and talked on the phone. He told me everything about his life, his family, his religion and he told me from the beginning he was single but was being arranged for marriage and we could only be friends. We met up and had a magical few days together, I fell madly in love with him. Every time we met up it was always a secret he would fly in for the weekend and make up all of these lies so that we could meet up. He told me that if his family ever found out he was seeing a girl he would be disowned and bring shame and embarrassment to his family, I accepted this and was happy to continue as is. I drove to his house in the country and spent a weekend with him (the best weekend of my life). In this time one of his patients noticed a girl enter his house, the next time the patient went to his work she brought it up and said he was seeing girls late at night. He works with his uncle so this was a very big deal, he managed to brush it off and said the patient must have been confused and it never happened. From that weekend onwards we had many many many fights. He was scared of being caught with me or his family finding out,
He always said he didnt want to hurt me or for me to miss out on a relationship with another man because we could never be together. He always tried to distance himself and stop us from talking but it never worked we are crazy about eachother and its very hard to stop talking/ seeing someone you love.
I am crazy in love with him and i would rather suffer than not talk to him.
I met up with him only a few weeks ago and it was a very difference experience. He told me( after 2 years of waiting) he had a marriage proposal. A doctor back in Srilankan, Their parents had met and we're happy, and he met the girl on skype and everything is going ahead. He is waiting to go to srilankan for the engagement process and then we will not be able to talk any more.
I feel so hut and upset and cheated by all of this. I thought the longer we would spend together the more he would want to be with and eventually he would want to be in a relationship. I never really believed he would enter in to an arranged marriage with a girl he doesn't even know.
I have never felt love like this before, I have never cared about someone like this before.
I have been suffering depression and axiety as a result of this, I cant comprehend or accept that soon i will not be able to talk to him or that I will never see him again.
I never imagined my life like this. I am very open minded. I am an Aussie born girl to european parents. I am accepting of all races and religions. I find it difficult to accept that my skin colour, religion, culture is the reason I cant be with the man I love.
I just wish that everything wasnt hidden, if we could have been together without all the hiding and secrets it could have run its course. We could have had a proper shot at a relationship to see if worked or not. For the rest of my life i am going to always regret that I couldnt be with him. I will always be biter that he is marrying another woman.
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Dorian
4/6/2015 19:22 EST
Hi Jay123,
I am so sorry to hear of your experience. I can really feel your hurt and sympathise with you - it's not easy where there seems to be no real obstacles between you both and yet he is determined to go ahead with something that in all probability won't bring him the happiness he could have had with someone he'd met more naturally and had a genuine rapport with.
Often Sri and Lankan and other South Asian families are so deeply entrenched in their cultural ties that is very hard to develop an attachment to someone outside of that without destroying relationships with family and friends who don't understand why the person would choose someone who doesn't "get" their culture. To be brutally honest, it is generally easier being with someone who does have the same background, as there are often many many facets to "being" a Sri Lankan than you or I, as white Australian girls, could possibly imagine. There are certain things that are just "done" or "not done", seemingly without reasonable explanation to an outsider. It is extremely frustrating. You have happened upon a fairly traditional Sri Lankan - it is more common that they will marry within their own culture than not. I am married to a Sri Lankan whose mother initially tried to set him up with a few Sri Lankan girls, but he rejected the idea outright, and was the source of much concern to his family!!! Even now, after we have had a baby and been married for some time, he is probably still somewhat of the black sheep, being an engineer rather than a doctor like the rest of the family! and living in a little old house like a hippy with some white girl, a baby and many dogs!
I was fortunate in that he was not traditional in that sense but there have been some problems with his parents - not necessarily because he married me but more because he rejected his own culture. The marriage to me would have been more approved of had we done the big Sri Lankan wedding across a couple of days, with the engagement ceremony etc etc. However, we chose to get married at a registry office with very few people present, and I was already 3 months pregnant at the wedding - which definitely took some digesting by his family!
It is a very very big deal to lose everyone and everything you know - to chance on someone who it may or may not work out with. In Sri Lankan culture, you make the marriage work - you don't divorce if you are "growing apart" or any of the excuses that are commonly used in breakups in Western culture. He would be aware that you wouldn't necessarily have that ethos, so it would be a considerable jump for him to give everything up to be with you - risking the disapproval and life long censure of his family and connections and culture. If you two broke up it would be very hard for him to find someone within his own culture after his "experiment" with an Australian girl.
I am trying to be as honest as I can, although I have limited knowledge of Sri Lankan culture myself - I am only going on what I have seen personally. However, I hope it helps you understand what he is going through and why he is acting the way he is. There are unseen barriers to your relationship that are almost impossible to break.
In all truthfulness, I would prefer someone who was willing to chuck it all in for me, even if the risk to himself was great - even if it might not work out. Then you know that you are really valued. I don't believe he valued you enough to do this for you. Yes, there were cultural barriers, but nothing's too hard if someone loves you. So bear in mind that sometimes these things are used as an excuse to be with someone different for a short time, get that out of their system and then return to what is familiar and comfortable. I am not suggesting that that was what he did, but sometimes it's not as Romeo and Juliet as we feel it is.
Feel free to reply privately and I can give you my email if you want to talk further.
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felixa
4/29/2015 17:56 EST
Hello everyone....I am divorced European woman with kid, he is Sri lankan well educated single man (he lives in Lanka). Is this mission impossible? He is Muslim, I am Catholic (wasnt married in church). Thanks
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Expatbreeze
11/7/2015 02:15 EST
Hi what you have written is lovely. It's a common occurrence. Tamil families are still quite traditional in their ways of thinking. But there is no reason for him to hide stuff from you. He can share his family details if you share a close relationship. I m sure you will except the truth and be open to his feelings. He might be married. I m not assuring you. Just talk to him. Tell him you can understand. Hiding won't let him anywhere. Sri Lanka is way ahead compared to other Asian countries. Lots of such marriages can happen. Talk to him. Conversation is the key to any relationship. Don't waste your time if he is hiding too much. Move on. Yes he might have fallen in love for u. But he needs to be a man and sort his stuff out.
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MayaP
12/17/2015 15:32 EST
Hi, I know exactly what you are feeling right now. I have been in similar situation. I had a relationship with a Sri Lankan guy (Muslim) for five years. We both love each other. And there was no doubt about it. We keep our relationship secret for that long and only few of my closest friends and his friends knew about it. We have meet in UAE. I never felt love the way he had love me for five years and it was the amazing years of my life. And if I am to be ask to do that again just to be with him, I will over and over again. But there are things that are not meant to be. After several marriage proposal which ge had rejected many times the time comes that he cant say NO anymore. He went back home in his vacation, and while on vacation he told me that he will get married on the following week. I was desperate. I hate it. When something you dont have any control of the situation. He told me he loves me but he cannot refuse his family and her family. All the people from his place will hate him and his family will disown him. He cried. I know it hurts for him to hurt me and to go but he had chosen to make his family happy. I love him so much and i thought on the day if the wedding everyseconds of why? All why that doesnt have answers. All why that nobody can answer. I crossed out the calendar everyday waiting for the moment that i will be ok. And it was a though two years of my life. I suffered from insecurity, depression sadness evry negative feelings that i can describe. But time past now. More than two years had pass and i over come the pain of what i have lost. I lost the love of my life and my life. I know until now we love each other. But there are so many reasons we cannot be together. And its ok. I have learn to love him from afar.
Time will come that you will realized that its ok. For another love will come. Greater than what you have. If someone loves you so much there is no barriers. Love conquers all. Love is bot coward. It protect. But sometimes surrender for the good of everyone.
I hope it help you alot
By the way, I found my fiance, Sri Lankan as well but this time he fights for love over cultures.
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QuinnyKel
2/25/2016 14:40 EST
I'm just really shocked to hear that story. It's so sad. Can't believe a guy actually can do that. As a Sri Lankan guy I feel embarrassed. :(
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destiny11
5/20/2016 23:19 EST
You are a Sri Lankan guy? I have questions and was wondering if you would be willing to answer them. Well not that you can answer for someone else but I was involved with a Sri Lankan guy I met through work. I was working in the US and am American, he worked in Colombo. We remarkably lasted for 2 years although never able to meet in person. We had a strong connection, he called it a "soul bond" which I had never heard of. I know now what it means through my own experiences but he was afraid of it. I think it is amazing and beautiful to feel that connected to someone, especially never meeting in person. Most think I'm crazy and I'm sure many reading this will but I've reached the point that I simply do not care, I know what I feel and am strong in my beliefs about us. It took me a long time to get to that point but I am now.
I find it interesting how many commented about Sri Lankan men not saying "I love you." He couldn't either but I never expected it or asked him. It didn't bother me because he also showed it in so many ways, that was good enough for me. He tried coming here once but his Visa was denied for no good reason and he couldn't handle it. Eventually he decided on his own to never try again I'm a fighter and very determined, I even offered to come there but he was too devastated by the Visa rejection.
Neither of us were ever that close to another person before, it was the craziest thing how well we got along, like we had always been together and like old friends catching up, right from the start it was like that.
But something happened. We got in a silly argument, I believe from the stress of not being able to be together. Is it possible it bothered him that much? I would like to learn more about the men in the culture because I think he wanted to be the man and come to me, but he couldn't. When I would go through hard times, it would bother him and I believe he felt helpless being so far away. He could never just understand the distance didn't bother me, I love him and just being there, email or phone was enough for me.
From the argument, I got pretty angry. He was on a train with some friends going on a trip for his birthday celebration. That morning he was sweet, caring and unbelievably adorable, as he always was. But I said a swear word to him, it was wrong and a very stressful time, my mother had just been taken to the hospital by ambulance and it took me a day and a half to talk to him. Yes, I did need him, I was so afraid but it took that long. It was just like calling him a jerk or something, we'd been together 2 years and he knew my mouth, lol, it was not new. But he was acting so different, really different and "cool," maybe because of his friends being right there?
He hurt me with his behavior and had never in those years treated me like that. It really hurt. When I said the swear word, he said that's it you crossed the line and then said, "GOOD BYE" and I have not heard from him since. It's been a long time, over a year but he won't reply to emails or calls and I stopped trying and gave up. But they way he was so quick to do that and never look back, it just does not make sense. It was so unlike him. He was a sweet, kind and caring person.
I have no doubt he loved me but was scared and then discouraged but I have always felt he gave into the pressures from his friends and family about our cultural and age difference. I always suspected he never told them much about me. And I promise I am not fooling myself but I believe he stays away because he thinks it's better for me. He was always doing that, trying to protect me and push me away, afraid he would hurt me.
Before anyone comments and says give it up to me, please don't. I cannot help how my heart feels and have tried moving on with my life as best I can. But my big problem is how after being so close for so long could he just leave so quickly and leave me with no proper explanation, no closure, nothing? Why would such a good man do something like that to someone he cared about? And especially why, that same morning was he so different than who he acted like on the train? Those are my questions, I guess. I am wondering if you have any information regarding the culture that could help me understand and find peace, since he refuses to give it to me.
I am sure this is very long, so I do appreciate anyone who reads it. It's hard to put this all into a short post but those are the details I hope will help you get an idea of how close we were and out of no where, he had such an abrupt change and never looked back. Will his heart catch up to him? I believe it will, I believe in the power of true love and believe we have that but what could possibly cause him to do something to hurt me so much, it's just not who he is. I should mention, he is now 30 years old, just in case that helps.
Thank you
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Hari123
6/14/2016 08:13 EST
Destiny
In srilanka we proudly speak and brag about our culture so much but majority of us actually do not follow them and some of them use it as an excuse to abuse relationship nships.
People are very good at acting and good at pretending to show that they care for you and love you . I am not generalizing everybody. There are few exceptions though.
In your case the way the relationship ended abruptly indicates that he doesn't miss you at all as much as you do. If he really loves you he should be answering your calls and replying emails and he should make an attempt to call you too.
Since neither of this is happening it's obvious that you have been cheated .
May I know how old are you and what's your occupation.
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lilylove
8/17/2016 09:16 EST
hi
i know its kind of late that i read about it just now and your post was like in the beginning of the year, however as i am truly bothered as well.
i met a very nice Sri lankan guy who works as a cabin crew for a famous airline here in the uae. While I am working on land we have clicked pretty well however i find him always lying even about minor things.
When he plans to go to SL he will give me hope of connecting with me once he is home and as usual it never happened. Then once he is in the UAE again he connects with me.
I am not playing stupid when i know the signs already but since i like this guy so much im willing to learn and understand if there is actually something needed to be understood.
Arigato^'
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destiny11
8/17/2016 09:57 EST
Hi, I can certainly understand and feel for your situation. It's tough to like someone when they're sending out mixed signals and red flags but I also know, "the heart wants what the heart wants." I have been told by someone on this forum lying is pretty common. I have no idea if that is true but have also experienced it.
All I can say is the lying may have something to do with his culture. It is a very strict, different culture where they don't easily accept loving someone who is from a different culture, religion or country. He may not be able to tell his family or friends about you because he is afraid of their reaction. That's just a theory, I have no way of knowing. Have you tried talking to him about it?
Since you say you already see "the signs," it sounds like you really care about him. I went through something with a Sri Lankan and after a year of not speaking, I still couldn't forget or stop loving him. As by a miracle, I am now in Sri Lanka and was able to meet him face-to-face for the first time, after almost 4 years! He is still my best friend and I still love him but...the culture...it's tough! I think it confuses him and I'm sure many more who fall for someone not Sri Lankan. It's really that tough to break through to them. It makes sense, they don't know any different, they don't see options because their culture is all they have lived and known.
I don't think anyone here can really give advice because it all comes down to you and what you feel. I don't mean that to sound harsh in any way, I'm the last person who would be harsh since I stayed in love with someone I hadn't met and stopped speaking to. But in my experience, I tried seeking advice, listening to my family and friends, tried to forget him and move on but couldn't and it made me miserable. My point is, the best advice I think, is to follow your heart and do what is best for you. Only you know what you feel, if you should be patient, or if you should let him go. Always do what's best for you and you can't go wrong!
I don't know if that helps in any way and I know it sounds pretty generic but it is what I learned from my experience. Not all situations are the same but I was and am in love with him, and I am grateful I finally learned to listen to my own instincts and heart, to do whats best for me. I do wish you all the best in whatever you decide and hope you will keep me posted.
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courty
8/18/2016 01:19 EST
According to the the Buddhism thee is nothing in this world which is permanent. Every thing will be change after some times. Human life is also same. When you live with different culture you have to face so many bitter experience. Also when you select a partner you should y=understand each other. Life is a thing where you take a risk and to face a challenge. We do not surprise whet you mentioned. World is such. Find some one suitable. The nature has been given a brain to think about the past, present and face to a better future. So do not worry. It is what you have gained may be from last birth We Sri Lankan believe it is as KARMA. Think about the future and plan is proper way. Do nor cry or worry for by gone be by gone!
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leansevial
8/31/2016 00:57 EST
HI i also bothering me with my boyfriend's actions.. i know and i feel he love me. but sometimes i feel like he something scared.. one day i asked him, why he never mention my name to his family, he replied, time will come. he never tell he loves me often. but its ok. i asked him what he will do if his parents dont like me for him, he said he dont know. that answer broke my heart. i love him very much.. i cried if i didn't see him. calls and text are not enough for me. i need to see him very badly.. on our 2nd month i gave my present to him.. just a T-Shirt that he love very much.. on his off day from work were planning to go out for lunch date. i expect he will wear the shirt that i gave to him. i asked him why he not wear the shirt. he laugh and said, i know you will ask me about this.. and he said he want to wear the shirt important day. but how many months gone by i never saw him wearing that shirt.. ok it doesnt matter.. on his vacation in sri lanka for 25 days. we're always speaking. chatting video calls. he giving me all information about sri lanka.. he introduce me to all his friends tru video chat, and they also inviting me to come there for a trip.. when he get back here in maldives, i expected he will bring something for me from sri lanka.. but i never ask him. sad but its ok. after i read all the messages here in forum i feel so much afraid to loosing him.. i love him very much he is my life.. i dont know how to live w/o him. our work site very close to each other but we are not meet because of his schedule very busy.
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nadhi
11/6/2016 02:54 EST
Dear girl,
Sri lanka is a culturaly stricked country. tamil culture is so strick. They are highly concern about race. But in your case i cant beleive he is an unmarried man . because , in tamils and muslims in sri lanka, got married in early ages like 16- 22. But sinhaleese people are waiting for 20- 30.
I think he is hiding u something. U cant guess a man with sexual behaviors or talking. normally tamils are little shy. bou not much as your friend.
Please be aware what is going on. Some times he will be a good man. but still you are 20 y and you have 4 times of life you spent. good luck.
Nadhi
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sktgrl119
11/26/2016 22:31 EST
Hello,
Thank you for this thread, very helpful!
I have been dating a gentleman from Sri Lanka two years. My family loves him and invites him to all of our gatherings. I have not been introduced to his family at all, I feel so insulated from his family life but I guess he is "protecting" me from potential family drama.. He has told me that he is not sure how his parents would feel. It hurts me that I have no clue if his family will accept me and that it isn't a reciprocal sort of relationship. I am saddened by the whole situation and i sincerely hope my boyfriend would support me. No idea how this will go but I appreciate everyone discussing this.
Thank you,
Michelle
Ps- If the time ever comes to meet his family, any suggestions about what I should say or do to help things go smoothly?
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Hari123
11/28/2016 10:35 EST
Hi
I would suggest you to ask him to introduce his parents to you and reveal your relationship status to them as soon as possible. If you are not well embraced by his family and if he is not going to leave his family and come along with you, it would be very clear to you that this relationship is not going to workout for both of you in the long run and that it is better to quit this relationship and avoid any serious heartache and search for a meaningful relationship.
Suppose if his family embraces you as you are,then you can be happy that your path is almost clear.
You would only be heading towards
breakup and heartache by concealing
Information to his family.
because as the time passes the emotional attachment would be too strong that a breakup would be very painful to your heart.
Don't worry as to what you should say or how you should behave in front of them. Just be yourself and see if they accept you as you are .
Good luck.
Hari
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sktgrl119
11/28/2016 22:06 EST
Hi Hari,
Thank you for your response.
After reading this forum, I had a nice open conversation with him.
He revealed that he has a plan to invite his family here to the US to visit to introduce me in person and feels that it will go more smoothly in person. He also informed me that his parents are more liberal and assured me that his parents do not buy into arranged marriages, as there's was not arranged.
He seems committed and I feel that we at least got somewhere in our conversation.
Again, I appreciate this forum, helped understand the cultural background a bit more.
Thank you,
Michelle
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Hari123
12/6/2016 19:59 EST
Hi Michelle
I am glad that he has agreed to invite his parents and introduce you . Hope everything goes fine as your heart desires
Good luck
Hari
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savage88
5/26/2018 13:52 EST
Hi! Im new here. I also have a relationship with a Sri Lankan, actually we just knew each other from the social media. He was the one who chat me first. At first i never replied on hiis chat nor answer any of his calls until i got interested on the idea of him deliberately texting and calling me so i replied to his text. Thats where our relationship started. We were in a long distance relationship. He was sweet, caring, and we talked for long hours over the phone. We had a good relationship for 4 months and finally we meet each other in another country. We were so close that we even were mistaken as husband and wife. After that vacation in another country he brought me to Sri Lanka to spend new year with him and his family. I was so amazed of how they welcomed me coz they were so warm and i feel that they accepted me as part of the family. I stayed in his house for a month in which i did all duties of a good gf, i even made his house look more like a home by interior designing it. My bf never says I love you which i was not bothered anymore coz he explained that i love you is just a word the real meaning of love is showed through actions. He was very nice to me i cant say anything bad about how he cares for me when i was there in Sri lanka but i noticed he is very secretive of his phone until i discovered that he has been chatting other women. I caught him coz he flirted on one of ny friends. I confronted him and he said its just chat nothing else so i continued to trust and forget about what happened. He didnt change he was still the caring and loving guy to me but he sometimes spend time by himself in which i know he is chatting other women again. I decided to ignore what hes doing but instead continue to be a good gf. When i left Sri lanka things start to change he seldom call and text me. i still continue to ignore and go on showing my love and affection. when i text he just see it and never reply and if he does just simple yes or no. i asked him if he still loved me or just want to let me go but he never replies and never answer so i guesa he doesnt want ua to break up. So i continued caring and showing affection but sometimes hes becoming rude to me but i still continue to understand coz ive fallen deeply in love with him. After 2 weeks he text me that he wants me back in sri lanka, i let him understand that i cant coz i need to work. At first he was dismayed but agreed in the end. After that he ignored me again and showing me signs that hes not interested anymore. I asked but i never recieves any answer. i want to give up coz i feel hurt but im still holding on coz i believed he still loved me maybe just confused because pf those chatmates he has. Please advise me coz im really drained and i love him so much that im willing to sacrifice everything but im afraid now coz of his actions towards me. Thanks and God bless.
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mountwiu
5/30/2018 00:20 EST
It is very strange that the person does not want to introduce his fiancee to his people. It is advisable not to get too attached to a man until you find out the
family back ground and if he is already married. Tamil culture is that they always get the approval from the family before getting married. Most men who travel overseas try to find a foreign girl to get foreign benefits and pleasure and be careful with such men.
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mountwiu
5/30/2018 00:20 EST
It is very strange that the person does not want to introduce his fiancee to his people. It is advisable not to get too attached to a man until you find out the
family back ground and if he is already married. Tamil culture is that they always get the approval from the family before getting married. Most men who travel overseas try to find a foreign girl to get foreign benefits and pleasure and be careful with such men.
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manna
8/12/2018 07:12 EST
I am looking expect want a rent separate apartment in ground floor at 2 km from Gampaha Yakkela road . Very calm place. Thanks.
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LalaRey84
8/23/2018 14:29 EST
Wow. It's a coincidence I bumped in to this forum as I myself is also having the same issue with my boyfriend. He's Sri Lankan and I'm a Filipina. I met him 2 years ago here in Qatar through online chat. At first I thought it's nothing serious. But as the days go by of dating him. I found him sooo attractive, kind hearted person, loving and affectionate. And then just one day I know I am really in love with him. I am proud to have him as my boyfriend. I told my family and friends about him in my country. I'm an open book on my side about him and me. But.. to his side? Nope. It's hidden. At first I thought that maybe he is married. But he's not. I confirmed it. He is just really trying to protect me from his family. He told me that their culture is different. His parents is traditional and strict. His mom want him to go home but he refused to go home because he knew that if he do. He'll be put into an arranged marriage. It's kinda sad because I feel that his parents approval of us is very important to me. It will make me more comfortable and secured. But I have to keep it the way he wants it for the meantime. He is just trying to find a way of getting us there to be open to his family also. But boy it's 2 years already and I'm still waiting. Whatever. I'm happy I'm with him now and there's nothing more important than that.
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