fredb
12/13/2007 14:30 EST
Hello again...
My wife, 3 month-old daughter and I might be moving to London within the next few months, and one of the concerns we have is how to meet people. We're in our early 30s, at which point most people already have their friends from college, etc., and we'll be in a place where we know literally no one.
So for those of you who've made the hop, what have you done to meet people once you arrive? We're probably not going to spend a lot of time hanging out at pubs since we have such a young baby, so what other options are there?
Thanks for any advice!
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pallega
12/14/2007 13:38 EST
First off, pubs aren't "bars". That's a big mistake to equate the two things. If you want to know the English, you have to understand pub culture. We would highly recommend this book if you're looking to understand and make friends with the locals: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Watching-English-Hidden-Rules-Behaviour/dp/0340818867/ref=pd_sbs_b?ie=UTF8&qid=1197655967&sr=8-1
Get a babysitter. If you want to meet people, you have to go out. We have a long-standing date night just so that we keep in touch with and meet other adults. There are great babysitting services in London with vetted/approved/certified sitters. Use them to start until you find someone local you trust.
Alumni clubs! Where'd you go to University? Where would you have LIKED to have gone to University? Find a club and go to their outings. They don't mind. The more the merrier. The TexasExes are the largest partying group and can be found on http://www.for nogoodreason.com and will take in anyone. Come out and meet and greet.
Junior League or American Womens Club - awesome groups and a quick set of people to get to know with loads of activities. Join up. They're a friendly bunch, but you can decide yourselves.
If there's something you like to do, there's probably a club dedicated to it in London. Join one. Do you golf, play tennis, squash, football (soccer), run? Are you a gym rat, a poetry reading freak, a theatre buff, a couple crazy for others in the buff? There's a club for you here! It's a big place and people love to create a club to do things together.
All of our friends from where we originally lived have never come to visit. We've been out of our original location for 8 years now. This means that you have to step out of your comfort zone to evaluate what it means to have and make a friend (mate in English) as an adult. Oh, and to make that more complicated - there are two of you (well, and a half) that are looking for new adult friends as well. You just don't go down the street knocking on the door and say, "Hi, We're Fred and Becky and we just moved in. We're 30-something and want to know if you have any 30-something's that want to come out and play." It would be nice, but it just isn't on.
Our advice is that you need to:
1. Find a babysitter.
2. Find a local pub that's a "local" and not a tourist version of a pub.
3. Join up with some other American expats doing things you like to do.
You have to go out to meet people. Don't let the baby be an excuse, let the baby be the reason that you do adult things with other adults to remind yourself that you're adults.
Okay, so we've been a little strong and you're wondering if you have to drink to fit in with the English. Well, it doesn't hurt and don't worry that you can't do it as well as they can - they're professionals. But, you say, you don't see yourself getting into things that easily and quickly.
Okay, here's another direction. You've got a 3-month old. What's your wife doing with her during the day? Just sitting at home? Shopping? Well, okay. But, what about the many, many, many baby clubs. Ours does 3 baby clubs and 2 swimming clubs 5 days during the week. In the warmer days there's a "mommies and me" club that brings wine and chats in the park near our house. These are easy to find - local churches, fitness clubs, call the local council! Make your wife the "scout" and see if she meets someone else who is like-minded and invite her and her partner over to the house for dinner and cards or whatever. It's just another way to get connected.
Speaking of churches - church groups are all over the place. No, religion isn't dead in England - it's just not as big as it once was. We have 10 churches that are very active within 20 minutes walking from our house. Every one of them have things going on. It's a good fit for half of us in our household but not so much for the other half.
So, there you go - a few different opinions and choices for you to consider.
Don't be shy. You're an adult. Get out and meet and greet. Don't give up on pubs if you think you're going to get to know the English. Churches, clubs, babygroups, alumni and other American expat groups - as they say in England, "You're spoilt for choice!"
What do you two like to do when you're not with the baby? Let everyone know here and you might get some other good ideas.
Welcome to London and a new chapter in your life. Here's to new friends you haven't met - yet!
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