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Moving Overseas with Children: When Divorce enters the Equation

By Elizabeth Perelstein

Allianz Care
Allianz Care

Summary: the combination of an increasingly mobile society and a the high divorce rate makes it likely that the incidence of transferring divorced parents will grow. A common goal among the employer, professionals advising the family, as well as both parents should be that minimizing the disturbance to the child is critical.

Relocating with children always is stressful and invariably involves an adjustment. Considerable research indicates that employees who turn down assignments routinely cite family circumstances. (Statistics from VeloDirect: International Assignments: Cost, Benefits, Issues Explained; Brookfield Global Relocation Trends Survey 2009; Cartus Policy and Practices Survey 2007;). However, in cases where there are no extenuating circumstances, most children who relocate do well after an initial transition. In fact, more often than not, moving becomes an opportunity for growth rather than a burden once the original adjustment is made. For families where parents are separated or divorced, however, relocation can be traumatic for both child and parents. While the loss involved in moving always is profound, when it means losing not only extended family, but also a parent, the courts as well as the psychological community may come into play. In recognition of the strain it puts on a child a move can be halted through the legal system, rendering an international transfer – or even a domestic one - virtually impossible.

Over the past few years I have been asked to provide expert testimony concerning education and relocation. These cases have been associated with two scenarios - a potential move in a family where parents had divorced or were divorcing, or, alternatively, where parents have separated while on assignment and the custodial parent wants to move home while the working parent remains abroad. As society has become more peripatetic, this issue is bound to arise increasingly. The five year legal battle of David Goldman to gain custody of his son Sean was highly publicized because it was identified as an important precedent in custody battles during the current era of mobility. (www.csmonitor.com/USA/2009/1222/Brazil-custody-case-David-Goldman-gets-custody-of-son-Sean) As the relocation of separated families has become more common, states within the United States have enacted legislation that addresses the issues inevitably raised. These laws vary considerably by state. Parental consent may be required in some states so when the non-custodial parent does not consent the issue may be decided by the legal system. (www.womansdivorce.com/relocation.html) Intrastate moves are allowed more frequently than interstate moves (www.divorcesource.com/info/relocation/introduction.shtml) which indicates that proximity - which facilitates ongoing contact - clearly is considered crucial. I have not found articles that deal specifically with legal considerations in international relocation for divided families. However, there have been a few studies (despite small sample sizes) that support the belief that ability to successfully maintain relationships with both parents is significant to a child's well being. (Journal of Family Psychology, 2003). Accordingly, legal requirements for international relocations most likely would be more stringent than those for domestic transfers because of the obvious fact that distance affects the ability to maintain relationships with both parents.

The Legal Debate:

When a case about a relocating employee in a divorce situation comes to the courts, the debate is about determining a parent's constitutional rights to travel freely versus what is in the best interests of the child. Some issues that may become factors in the decision include:

  • Is visitation or dual custody possible for an older child who can fly independently in order to spend holidays with one parent and the school year with another? If not how will the relationship between parent and child be preserved?
  • What is the impact of transition on a child? In the case of divorce the child already may have changed schools, perhaps recently. Should the child again be removed from friends as well as forced to change his academic program at a particularly vulnerable time?
  • Which school is “better?” Often this is a code word for a more exclusive reputation, higher scores on standardized tests or a more impressive record of university admission.
As education is my area of specialization, let me address this final point in particular. Perhaps the emphasis should be shifted from the school to the individual child, along with the recognition that statistics don't ever tell the whole story, but particularly are inconsequential for a relocating child in the case of parental divorce. The more significant question is at which school the child will have a better experience, and at this time in a child's life nurturance may be far more important than stressful academics.

What HR Needs to Think About:

If you are thinking about relocating an employee with a child where there has been a divorce, or when a divorce occurs during the assignment, you may want to consider the following factors before you choose to approach the employee:

Legal

  • Is the employee willing to share details about the settlement that may be pertinent to the resolution?
  • What are the laws governing relocating children of divorced parents away from the home location?
  • What is the likelihood that consent will be possible to obtain?
  • Can you afford a substantial delay in the move (the five year Sean Goldman situation may have been extreme but delays probably are the norm more frequently than the exception) because of a legal battle?
  • What if the courts ultimately decide that the parent may not move?
Cost
  • Might you be expected to pay legal costs in addition to those involved in relocation?
  • Will a greater number of home visits be required than your policy allows for?
  • Will the employee request support (full or partial) for a second, smaller, household?
  • Might there be circumstances where you would be asked to cover psychological assistance for the child?
Social/Emotional
  • How likely is it that the relocation takes a great toll on a child's long term emotional well being?
  • If the answer is likely, how does that fit into the corporate culture/personality?
  • What kind of professional support do you need to offer the family to minimize the impact and to foster the success of the assignment?
  • If the assignee is the non-custodial parent, will this affect his/her ability to perform effectively?
What a Family Needs to Think About:
  • How important is this move to the parent?
  • Are there pros as well as cons for the child?
  • Can parents keep conflict far away from the child and his education? What are the implications for the child should a legal battle ensue?
  • How can the child maintain a relationship with both parents?
  • What is the child's personality like, in particular, does the child adapt easily to change?
  • For parents deciding to go ahead with the move, focus on goodness of fit rather than prestige or hearsay.
  • Does the child need psychological assistance to manage the transition?

Conclusion:

Divorce typically is messy and this reality can't be changed. But the combination of an increasingly mobile society and a high divorce rate makes it likely that the incidence of transferring divorced parents will grow. A common goal among the employer, professionals advising the family, as well as both parents should be that minimizing the disturbance to the child is critical. Pre-assignment assessment should be employed in these cases, and may suggest that this may not be the best employee to move at a particular time. Nevertheless, procedures and communication channels need to be developed because there will be times that the assignment does move forward. Relocation of divorced parents is a problem that is here to stay and needs to be confronted in the relocation literature.

About the Author

AS School Choice InternationalLiz Perelstein is President of School Choice International, a global educational consulting company. Liz is a seasoned educator who frequently writes and speaks on topics related to education and relocation. In 2010, Liz was named one of Fortune Magazine's Most Powerful Women Entrepreneurs.

School Choice International works with families to help place children in schools all over the world. The company also offers educational services for employers with relocating employee families, as well as schools looking to develop a more global curriculum. School Choice International has over 12 years of experience in the field of educational consulting.


First Published: Jul 15, 2010

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