Expat Advice: Relationships in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

What is the name of the city or town that you are reporting on?

Kuala Lumpur

What is your current status? Are you single, dating, in a long-term relationship, married or divorced?

Single, but in a long term relationship with a wonderful Malaysian Chinese lady, whose 11 year old son is as close to me as my own son. We'll be married next year.

What is it like in your country of residence for someone with your relationship status (married/divorced/dating)? If you're single, how do you meet other people? Do English-speaking people tend to gravitate to certain parts of your city?

Meeting other people here is very easy, whether expats or Malaysians. Expats do have the usual clubs or associations (eg American Women's Association, St George's Society etc), plus there are many private clubs sports and recreation clubs or golf clubs, with superb facilities, largely at prices way below those you would pay in Europe or the US. On the nite life scene, Bangsar, a KL suburb teems with expats from Thursday to Saturday nights, at the many restaurants and bars. But if you really want to fully enjoy Malaysia, spend plenty of time with Malaysians, who are warm, exceptionally friendly and very hospitable. Join them at the night markets, at the open air food stalls where you can experience fabulous local food at incredibly cheap prices. Speak Malay or Chinese and you'll be even more accepted.

If you have children, what advice would you give to others making a similar transition to your country of residence?

With Malaysia's fabulous beaches, holiday and hill resorts, this is a heaven for children (and adults). I think the best advice I could give to anyone coming here with children is be prepared to have the time of your life. On the more serious side, like children's education, the international schools in KL and Penang are excellent. Local government schools teach in the Malay medium, so will probably be unsuitable.

If you do not have children, do you generally spend your social time with other expat couples? If not, what else do you like to do as a couple?

My LTR is virtually like being married, and as my partner's son attends a private school in the north of the country, we do have plenty of social time to ourselves. We tend to mix more with Malaysian friends, and with other mixed race couples, not I hasten to add by design, it's just happened that way. I have been living here for nearly eleven years, the last six on local terms, so I have had ample time to build a wide circle of friends and acquaintances.

If you are married or in a relationship with a person of another nationality, how has this experience enriched you as a person. What kind of challenges do you face?

The enrichment of being with a person from another culture is immeasurable, and for me, with my partner being Chinese, I have learned an enormous amount about being more tolerant, more patient, more discreet, to listen more, and have learned to appreciate the Chinese work ethic as a model for just about all other races. The challenges? Well we still face some resistance from more traditional elements of both Chinese and European culture, but this is relatively rare.

What would be the best advice you could give someone with your relationship status that lives in your country of residence? Any other thoughts?

The best advice? Firstly be sensitive to local cultures, especially to the Malay Muslims, who are very unlike the world's negative picture of an Islamic society. Secondly, don't be judgemental, sure things are different here, but "vive la difference." Lastly, expats are a privileged bunch. Be discreet about these privileges as you will be earning more, often far more than your local counter-parts, you'll be living in better accommodation than many, and have a lifestyle which is beyond the means of many.