Characters at the Gym

Anyone who works out in a fitness center will soon realize that, just like their office, there are a limited number of categories into which all of the members of the gym can be placed. Where do you fall in the categories below?

Howler Monkey - This is someone who is at the gym every day, and every time they get to the last set of an exercise, they yell, grunt and holler just to let those around him or her how much harder they train. Usually they come in pairs that love to high five each other after every set.

Socialites - This is the modern day version of the sewing circle, although there are definitely guys that fall into this category, too. They usually are at the gym for more than an hour, but only spend about 17 minutes focused on their workout. The rest is devoted to gossip and other social activities. This would be fine if they didn't use machines twice as long as needed, thus causing other people to drag out their workouts far longer than necessary.

Mean Marine - This is the serious weightlifter who looks like he started working out fifteen minutes after leaving the womb. Usually he is very polite, probably because he can be, as most people stay out of his way due to a sense that he's a ticking time bomb about to pull a pistol out of that strange bag he carries around with him while he trains.

Smell Pot - This person apparently believes that you haven't really worked out unless you walk away from the gym smelling like a garbage dump. Sorry boys, we have the monopoly on this category... I've never smelled a woman with B.O. in the gym. There are all kinds of options in the hygiene aisle of the pharmacy, pal.

Novice Trainer - This is the guy who is starting to see some results from his workouts, and now feels obligated to demonstrate proper form to those who are new to the gym. He's learned a lot in his six weeks of training, and is just bursting at the seams to show everyone just how much he knows.

Past His Prime Tough guy - This is the guy that looks like he has just retired, is now bored, and therefore walks around the gym cutting in on machines that other people are already using. It's as if he's an old manager that can't boss his former employees around any more, so he has found a new way of satisfying his oversized ego. You'll notice he never has the backbone to pull his routine with the Mean Marine or the Howler Monkey. Sadly, the trainers often ignore this behavior or seem not to notice.

The Lazy Trainer - This is the person who works at the gym and rolls his or her eyes when you ask a question about your workout. Often, when they see you coming to ask a question, they head in the opposite direction or act as if they're in the middle of something and disappear into an employees only area of the facility.

The Good Trainer - To be fair, we have to mention this character along side the Lazy Trainer. This staff member politely answers your questions, but doesn't force themselves on you, either. Without the Good Trainer, we'd all have blown out a knee or slipped a disc by now.

The Monarch - This character is far too important to strip the weights off the barbells when he or she is done. That's the job for the peasants or the help, you see. This trait is often adopted by the Past His Prime Tough Guy or the Howler Monkey. There's nothing more gratifying than when the Good Trainer catches the Monarch in the act and reminds him of everyone's responsibility to clean up after himself.

Summer Time Meathead - This character usually shows up in the middle or end of May after college has let out. He usually struts in either hung over or covered in paint from his job with College Pro painters. He usually works out for about 2 hours and, if he has friends with him, loudly describes his sexual exploits at school or contemplates where to get drunk tonight.

Head Shakers - These characters usually are in good physical condition and are well adjusted socially. They see all of the dysfunction going on around them and shake their heads in disbelief. Usually this person is confident enough to call the Past His Prime Tough Guy on his little routine, even when he's pulling it on someone else. Just as everyone thinks they have good taste in the arts, decorating and clothes, we'd all like to classify ourselves in this category. That's not possible, is it?

Shy, Overweight and Determined - One of the most admirable people in the gym. Can be a woman or a man, this character has a serious weight problem, and usually offers a shy smile when they walk past you. What's admirable is that they seem to be there every time you are at the gym, working their tale off trying to shed some of the extra weight. Sadly, if it's a guy, he often is a favorite target of the Past His Prime Tough Guy. This is the person you desperately want to tell how great you think it is that they are there, especially when you notice progress, but you're afraid you might somehow insult them.

Remember that some people will fall into more than one category. Did we forget a character? CLICK HERE to send a description.