Expat Advice: Relationships in Hamburg, Germany

What is the name of the city or town that you are reporting on?

Hamburg

What is your current status? Are you single, dating, in a long-term relationship, married or divorced?

Divorced

What is it like in your country of residence for someone with your relationship status (married/divorced/dating)? If you're single, how do you meet other people? Do English-speaking people tend to gravitate to certain parts of your city?

You've hit on a very sensitive issue. I'm an American living in Hamburg, Germany, and was married to a German citizen. The marriage lasted from 1984 to the year 2000, beginning in Boston and shifting to Germany in 1990. I have two children and am now, gladly, the half time, single father of two girls, aged 6 and 13. As much as I thoroughly enjoy parenting my children, and even prefer doing it alone, this is not the lifestyle I had expected and wished for for my children. The stress of differing cultures was too great for my ex-wife, and clearly a factor in the failure of our marriage. Especially the agreement we made upon marrying that we'd move between our two countries every ten years or so proved too much to live up to. I know of very few German/American marriages that have not failed, and although every couple is different, I would flatly advise against attempting a lifelong union. The power of love masks otherwise reasonable doubts about the chances of success, and the consequences of a failed international marriage, especially when children are involved, are immeasurable and not comparable to those of other divorces.

What would be the best advice you could give someone with your relationship status that lives in your country of residence? Any other thoughts?

I spend virtually no time with English speaking people, and have only one American friend in this country, and that because he shares my profession. Strong advice that I would give anyone considering a long-term move to a foreign country is to not treat the move as an extended vacation, but instead to do everything possible to become integrated into the society in which one lives. This means primarily learning the language early and well, and shedding the discomfort of being identified as an "outsider." The status of "foreigner" can never be shed, especially in Germany, but it's possible to become comfortable with being an "inside outsider." The experience is a rich and deeply transforming one.