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Expat Advice: Relationships in Saintes, France

What is the name of the city or town that you are reporting on?

Saintes

What is your current status? Are you single, dating, in a long-term relationship, married or divorced?

Interesting question. According to the marital laws of France (and the US, unfortunately) I should consider myself 'single.' However, thanks to a recent French law, I can consider myself 'PACSed'. PACS is the acroymn given to the domestic partnership law passed in October 1999.

What is it like in your country of residence for someone with your relationship status (married/divorced/dating)? If you're single, how do you meet other people? Do English-speaking people tend to gravitate to certain parts of your city?

I wish I could spend time with other expat couples, but unfortunately where we live is quite isolated from any international community. As a couple we do see other couples socially, although they tend to be in heterosexual relationships (no offense to heterosexuals!). In a way, I enjoy being treated as being just part of any other couple. But at times it would be nice to associate with other gay couples, and more precisely bi-national gay couples.

My partner and I love to travel and explore, around France or abroad. Travel serves as a constant reminder that there is a much bigger, more diverse world out there, and we shouldn't allow our current circumstances (living in a small, somewhat rural town) be our only point of reference.

If you do not have children, do you generally spend your social time with other expat couples? If not, what else do you like to do as a couple?

What I love about being with someone of another culture is that each day is in itself a great challenge and a wonderful learning experience. As soon as I think I've figured something out about my partner or his culture, a new experience will call into judgement my assumption. I enjoy the challenge, and I think my partner does too.

Greatest challenges include balancing time with each extended family (especially given the distance from mine), communicating our desires and dreams, and figuring out what causes points of contension. Of course, these same challenges probably hold true, more or less, for most couples - gay or straight, bi-national or not.

If you are married or in a relationship with a person of another nationality, how has this experience enriched you as a person. What kind of challenges do you face?

Well... I'm almost married to him (does that count?) Our, (or my) biggest challenge is the language barrier. Not speaking the language of the people where I live puts me at a total disadvantage. I totally rely on my dutch partner to translate everything. Even something as simple as grocery shopping becomes a huge deal if you can't read lables or understand the cashier. But.. it is all worth it when you need to be with your soultwin. I certainly wouldn't change my situation for the world. So... I will learn the language and find my independance again.

What would be the best advice you could give someone with your relationship status that lives in your country of residence? Any other thoughts?

Enjoy the (somewhat) equal treatment resulting from many years of political and legal struggle in France, and focus on being yourself, trying to understand the local customs and culture, and simply being persistent. Gay or straight, there are similiar hurdles to overcome. Unlike in the U.S. and elsewhere, being gay or lesbian is not in and of itself a social identifier in France. The French respect enormously the privacy of individuals and their relationships, and tend to judge people rather on the things that truly (in my opinion) matter - respect for others, politeness, intelligence.

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