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"Normal" gay man

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From: Cyprus
8/9/2004 12:34 EST

I am 36 years old man from Norway, very well off financially, and I happen to be gay. I am planning to move to Philippines for good by the end of this year. I am in the process of closing a deal on a luxury condo in Cebu. I am NOT a flaming gay... I am an ordibary man with normal values, that just happens do be with a man in my bedroom. I have a Filipino partner (27 years old). After having read and heard some disturbing reports, I have the following question:

If you live a "normal" life is it still safe to be officially known to be gay since everyone will know because I live permanently with a filipino man?

I know that this is not a gay forum, but I do not feel at home at those as things there unfortunately are almost always sex-realted. But, I hope that there are some of you here that have gayfriends or might be gay yourself and in the same situation, so you might be able to help out with some comments or advice.

I am very grateful for any response.

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From: Philippines
8/9/2004 19:47 EST

You will get a lot of attentinn in the Phiippines because you are ar foreigner, more than because you are gay. Most of the gays here, the younger ones are open about it, accpted into society as women. They seek macho men and some macho men seek them. Dr. Lopez says in her cultural classic, The Psychopathology of the Filipino, most Filipino men have their first sexual encounter with a gay male in the neighborhood. It is common for man men to use gay men for sex even lovers but the men who do are not considersed gay are bisesual because these gay men are considered women by society here in the Philippines. Some of them I have talked with tell me there do suffer disrrimination in Manila, though nothing as bad as the States. The say in Cebu and Davao they have little peroblems. We did not talk about the small towns. Filipinos are very tolerant. But the men are very maccho. They may do their nails often, be careful in their dress but if they are not gay they would take offense an being callled gay to the point they might huirt you. Yet they may have may gay friends.

It is very difffernt here and I am no authority. I do have a few gay friends and have talked to many over the last 14 years. But I think you are going to have to come here as a "gay foriener," I have only known two, to find out what it is all about. The two gay foreigers I know were professionasl, lawyers in the States and very happy here. Young men are openly gay. Older men are still in the closet.

If you need to tallk with me in private I hope the eschange will give you my e-mail address.

Very best always,
Don A. Herrington

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From: United Kingdom
8/19/2004 06:31 EST


I read your reply to gentleviking post with interest.

I am currently having an email "relationship" with a filipino ladyboy. I believe he is genuine, and I am going to visit him, with a view to a long term realtionship if we get on. I was wondering the same things as, and you have reassured me.

We have been emailing for about six weeks. And he has told me a lot about himself, and asked me a lot about myself. He always responds to everything I write, and really does seem very genuine.

He lives in Cagayan de oro, and is studying Food Technology at college whilst working as a Hair dresser. when I hinted that I might like to send him a gift, he declined as he was worried that I might want something unpleasant in return. He has asked me for nothing except honesty.

I was wondering if you could give me your opinion, is it a con?

And is it safe for westerners to visit at the moment with all the terrorist stuf one reads about these days?


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From: United States
1/23/2005 16:08 EST

Hi gentleviking,

I agree that you'll stand out there more as a foreigner than being gay. I've heard, however, that there's been a lot of Westerners moving to the Philippines for good. I am a Filipino gay guy but have not lived there in the last twenty years. Filipinos are very accepting and very tolerant about individual differences but being discreet in public wouldn't hurt either. Have a great life out there.I might go and live there myself someday.

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From: Philippines
2/8/2005 06:25 EST

Hello "normal" gay man,

I am living with my partner for some time now in CdO and don't experience any problems with being, except that I don't know yet how to obtain a residence visa. To be honest, that was my first reason to reply, because I thought you might be able to help me.

However, I agree that being a foreigner attracts more attention than being gay. Also consider that Filipino gay culture is different from (European?) gay culture. Most gays act like womanish gays and are "exploited" by straight guys for sex. By the way, I don't mean this negatively. It's just Filipino culture.

So, in general I think gays are accepted here, although I'm told not to mention it explicitly to my friends family. They seem to accept me fully though.



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From: France
7/11/2005 19:07 EST


Nice to stumble on this forum. Its interesting to read all you views. I'm a filipino expatriate in Paris but grew up in Manila and goes to the Phils every year. I'm a gay and have a french partner. You will be surprised to know how open the Filipino are in terms of being gay. You are all correct in mentioning how macho filipinos are with their stereotypical attitude towards homosexuality as always the "effeminate part. However, I think that as long as you are straight acting and do not show your affection in public, there will be no problem at all. Prejudices are observed more in the provinces but in Manila you can be whatever you want. Visit Malate area and you'll know what I mean.

Enjoy and Mabuhay

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From: Philippines
10/20/2005 09:32 EST

hi there , how are you

what have happend to your stay now in cebu . i hope things are ok there. maybe you can tell me more about how life it isnow that you are in the philippines .



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3/31/2008 13:05 EST

hi... i kinda wonder if what is the name of your gay friend...
because i am from cdo and i happened to have a chatmate...
also, i was an food technology student at xavier university college... pls do reply... my email is


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2/13/2009 16:54 EST

hi just read your bulletin.... hope youre ok here in the phil... how are you?

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11/19/2010 02:44 EST

Hi, gentleviking.

Ditto on the comments of the others here as to how Filipinos would accept you.

Hi, slpj.

There is a strong possibility that your relationship with your friend by Email isn't a con.

You can easily find more out by the way he phrases his responses and even his facial and verbal actions if you get to talk with a webcam.

As for how safe Cagayan de Oro area is I absolutely have no idea right now. Was at Davao City early this year and it was way safer there than in Manila - well, when it comes to street crimes though not terrorism - but the mayor they have there has a better track record though when it comes to enforcing discipline and safety.

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